ADHD - no diagnosis but I can't function

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I've shown all the signs of ADHD since I was a child. Professionals agree it's likely but say s diagnosis will not help me.

I can't function. I can't concentrate. I can't keep a job for longer than 6 months as I get bored and stressed with it. I'm shit at everything because I can't focus. I forget everything. I'm always in trouble. I just want to run awY and like a simple life with no responsibilities. Birthdays, Mother's Day, Easter - every occasion stresses me out because the task of organising anything, even buying a card seems HUGE to me. Don't even get me started on Christmas, how I made it through the last one I don't know. I can't do this anymore, I'm not happy, I'm stressed out. Everything is just too much and my head feels like it's getting mashed up with info

This is what we did with dd:went on NHS waiting list but paid for private diagnosis whilst waiting; then, medication from GP under supervision from private consultant, finally got transferred to NHS. No break in treatment. It was hard and you need to fight for what you need and keep the pressure on. This is a real disorder.

Interesting Greenicicle. Can I ask, how much your diagnosis was? Your DD is lucky to have you as supportive parents.

When you say 'finally transferred' back to GP, after how long? We obviously don't want to keep paying for any further private consultations if there are issues with the meds.

Yeh. I'm tired of fighting though. Had to fight for every diagnosis I have. In my next life think I'll go for recognised illnesses and private healthcare

misscockerspaniel. I ve only been on Concetta but no t did nt stop my ability to hyper Focus! I ve had to stop as my BP & heart rate went up!

gottaslowdown I ve 2 teens on ADHD meds and they have nt found that it interfered with creativity. Eldest lad is into poetry writing and music big time and not made any difference. It really should nt interfere with who you are if it does it's not the right med or dose! IMO & the opinion of the physchiatrist he had.

gottaslowdown feel your pain with the money end of treatment and I was feeling bad about spending the money but then I thought if it was an other illness, would I even think twice??

You are worth treating your disorder! That's just my opinion!

Hi gottaslowdown (very apt name for an ADHDer ), they're slow release meds.

I know, I got so lucky with the quick referral. It was a thread about adult ADHD on Mumsnet back in 2016 that helped me realise I have ADHD and wasn't just an annoying arsehole with time management problems

There was an ADHD documentary last year with the comedian Rory Bremner. You can actually find it online if you google ADHD and me, that was the title. I was utterly cringing for him the way he kept jumping in and speaking over the doctors etc he was talking to for the programme! At the end he tried medication for the first time and immediately went out and did a comedy gig - he mentioned that his ADHD is actually useful for him as a comedian as he's constantly making connections and puns and things. And he said that it didn't adversely affect his performance but he felt more in control on the medication. And yes absolutely you can take breaks from the medication if you prefer but a lot of people prefer to keep using it at the weekends because of course it affects your private life too, it's not just work/study.

I'm a bit envious of the meds you have access to in the UK, here it's only methylphenidate but I'll still give that a try and perhaps by that time if I do have issues with it one of the other two approved for children will be able to be used for adults.

ADHD is extremely heritable, about as much as height. They say if you have it it's about 50% chance your children will have it, 50% for siblings and 35% for each parent or 70% one of them will - something like that. I reckon it's my dad because he is similarly hopeless at life and has so many of the same frustrating behaviour patterns as me and absolutely no idea how he ends up there. I remember my granny recounting that he'd get told off for something and he'd go back and immediately do it again as though he hadn't learned anything at all! But then I have an uncle on my mum's side who is also erratic and very impulsive and both of his children have traits too so who knows! I've been open on FB about it last year and I mentioned that it's heritable so if any of my family were wondering, etc - nobody has come back to me with any questions but if they want to they know where I am. I'm currently looking for a child psychologist to assess DS as he's having problems at school, nothing catastrophic but I think he might slip under the radar like I did.

DH has absolutely several times threatened to cut off my internet privileges I get completely furious at this suggestion even though I know he's probably right I behave like an addict and I probably am. But I know if I didn't have the internet I'd spend all day watching stupid TV, reading, playing mobile games or sleeping. So I prefer to try and deal with it rather than cut off my access completely. I also get such huge value from certain activities I do online, so it is useful. But I am aware that sites like FB and youtube and so on are very dangerous for me because these things are literally engineered to be addictive and to keep normal adults sucked in, coming back and constantly refreshing, and I'm much more susceptible to those techniques than other people. So I do try to notice when I'm getting bored and not actually getting much out of it and I prefer sites I trust like Mumsnet where they of course value their users as a product but I don't get the sense they are constantly sitting and readjusting the algorithms to keep us MNing for longer! Unfortunately the nature of a busy forum is extremely addictive anyway for brains like ours which are always looking for novelty.

Gottaslowdown I have pm'ed you

My people! Oh god I am so happy to have found you all here!

ADHD has been my blessing and curse all my life, but didn't know that's what it was until a few years ago when the psychologist I was seeing for anxiety suggested it. We did the tests and yep, it's there. I tried concerta and the first time I took it it was absolutely fucking amazing... I had no idea that was how it felt to be able to just concentrate at will on something for more than a few seconds. I could write a list, start at the top, and calmly work my way down it. Just amazing. Incredible. But it wasn't as effective the next day, I started getting horrendous headaches every afternoon, and after a week or so the benefit was so reduced that the headache wasn't worth it, so I stopped.

Having tried everything under the sun to manage it without medication, recently things have got so bad again that I'm going to try ADHD meds again. My psychiatrist is looking into which ones might suit me best. I really hope we find something that works because it's exhausting permanently living on thin ice... I fall through much less frequently these days, which is fantastic, but the stakes are so much higher when I do.

Will post back when I start them!

to us all, especially you OP. I know exactly how you feel. How are things now?

Last post before I go to bed (It's an hour later here and I have to be up at 6.20 because German schools start really early - eek!)

I saw something on the reddit r/ADHD forum about medication and a sudden drop off like that - I'll paraphrase because I'm not getting sucked into a rabbithole looking for it now.

Basically, if you're used to having 2/10 concentration, the first time you try medication and get 5/10 concentration, that's huge. It's an over 100% increase. It feels like 10/10. But over the next few days you begin to notice that it's not really 10/10 at all, it's only 5/10 and most people are 6/10 or 7/10. You totally discount that 2/10 to 5/10 is still a fantastic improvement - you can only feel that you're still lacking and you never get that "high" like the first day when it FELT like a superpower.

They said that basically preparing yourself for the giant boost feeling you'll get initially and being aware that it's the comparison, like when you come from a cold walk home into your warm house and feel boiling but half an hour later you're putting your jumper back on and turning the heating up because it is cold after all - that helps and also using that initial boost in energy to do something useful, like set up new systems or tackle big jobs which have been impeding you, but also being aware that it will likely drop off again, so not giving yourself massive unattainable goals. One of our issues in ADHD is overestimating our own capabilities and then being devastated when it doesn't work out - that doesn't stop just because you're on medication and it's common to think oh look I've got all this energy and focus now, so I can do even more! Just try to stick to your normal routine and don't overexert yourself so that you need to rest on the following days.

It's actually one of the nice things if you think about it - we're endlessly optimistic, at least I am! I never quite manage to think nope, that's it, I've messed that up forever - I'm always hopeful that things will work out somehow. DH finds this baffling because he's much more pessimistic, but other people have admired it in the past.

Bertie GO TO BED!!! Look I am!

No, I'm not getting dragged back to MN at all........

I will if you will

The ADHD subreddit is very good. There are a few good ADHD groups on Facebook but a lot of them are just drama-fests. It always kicks off between the people who say "Oh but you have to LOVE your ADHD, don't take meds, don't fill your body with crap, stop feeling sorry for yourself, embrace your ADHD, who needs a job? Life is too short to work!" and the people who are literally at rock bottom and want to kill themselves because of their ADHD. Anyone in that middle ground can only really just watch it all implode

There used to be a really good one, "Life Skills For Squirrels", and then a load of people took offence at the nickname and that one got shut down.

I am in bed!!! Not dicking about posting on other irrelevant threads at all....

Now, shall we both brush our teeth together Bertie or will you get distracted along the way?

PLEEEAAASSSE medication prescription hurry up! I'm shattered!

"Life Skills for Squirrels" Love it!

I have to go to bed now, I've used up my daily quota of block capitals and exclamation marks.

Gotta save some for tomorrow. Night all

This thread is so helpful- thanks

I can't MN in bed once DH is asleep or he moans about the light ;)

Oh god, I used to be in this ADHD group for women but not only was it massive, it was exhausting. Every day somebody was having a crisis. Or it was people asking the same questions again and never listening to the responses. Nobody would actually read the OP to respond properly to a post which used to drive me mental - at least on reddit those posts get downvoted or left to languish at the bottom of the thread. And about half of them were in the Southern US and it used to upset me how casually [some of them] would talk about beating their children

Bertie wow... Thank you so much! That's really helpful. And YY to being relentlessly optimistic, it's a real gift in the face of adversity . I'm like one of those weeble-wobble toys... bash me down and I hit the deck, then spring up again with an inane grin shouting 'let's do that again!'.

I've never really got the hang of reddit, but will give it a try. Can anyone link to the ADHD reddit forum please? (Is it a forum? Thread? Group?)

It's here. The hardest thing to figure out is the threaded responses. If something is indented it's a reply to the previous post, like facebook but more.

www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/

You need an account to post but not to read.

Try the different sort options, new, top, best, etc.

You can sign up and JUST subscribe to that one subreddit if you like.

Also add
www.reddit.com/r/TwoXADHD/
because this one is specifically for women.

I don't bother with most subreddits as they are terrible, I quite like r/askreddit though!

Good info Bertie A bit spooky as instead of going to sleep last night, I popped over to hang out on reddit instead. I've tried it out before and do find the format a bit confusing, but will persevere. Preferably not late at night!

One of our issues in ADHD is overestimating our own capabilities and then being devastated when it doesn't work out

Bertie you have summed up my whole life in that sentence! Though as BeUpStanding says, we're tough and resilient too and bounce straight back up again! I think that as I've got older though, I was struggling to find the energy to bounce back up as high.

I thought I was bipolar at one point. Anyone reading this who's starting to identify with the thread, push for an assessment!!!

See, I've been SO distracted I forgot to say a big thank you to Greenicicle for her PM about her assessment process.

It's really useful to know and it's quite obvious that there is a varying range of options for assessment and having the money to kick-start the process does help. If my ADHD was milder I would have waited for the NHS, but I am pretty disabled by my physical issues and mental over-exertion, so I had to do something now.

This is very familiar

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analysis_paralysis

I have spent so many years reading articles like this and another one earlier about how to improve your study techniques. It was like chasing the holy grail! I couldn't work out how I wasn't able to apply these tips consistently and effectively like everyone else. doh!

Simply having the lightbulb moment and realising that I am like I am because of ADHD has really helped me. It is like having an obstacle in the road and needing to find a way around it. But at least I now know that there is an obstacle, and what it is.