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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This going to happen

251 replies

MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 20:52

Family get-together this weekend
My parents have found out that my faux-brother-law (they’re not married) is heavily in debt - 40k

They have a beautiful little son. He’s nearly 2.

Their own relationship is shite. No joint account he has Good job always skint

OP posts:
Original poster
MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 23:09

My sister works. She’s always workrd She’s transitioning over years to a new career and gets half to 3/4 hours. She is amazing. She works with borderline homeless people.
God mn is hard tonight. Sorry if I’ve had a few Gin

OP posts:
MadMags · 13/03/2018 23:10

OP, can you explain properly from the start?

Original poster
MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 23:10

Have a few pom bears on the house

OP posts:
MadMags · 13/03/2018 23:10

MN is not hard. You're drunk and nearly incoherent!

DalekDalekDalek · 13/03/2018 23:11

God mn is hard tonight.

It's not MN that is difficult. If you were a little less drunk and making a little more sense then this would be a lot easier!

EllieFitz · 13/03/2018 23:11

*If he has a 'great job' but never has any money, I wonder if he has a gambling or substance abuse problem. That money has to be going somewhere.

And break a bond of trust between my brother’s wife and my parents That's a shame, but your sister's financial safety trumps this, imo.*

But don't you think this is for the Sister to deal with, she must know they're skint? No trust needs to be broken, the Sister is already aware that their finances don't stack up. If she's choosing to ignore it then nobody else needs to get involved.

ItsBeenAHellofaDay · 13/03/2018 23:15

They might have no money because he's busy diligently paying off his debt each month (and she may be aware of and supportive of that!)

BearBearBearWineGin

Original poster
MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 23:15

Thanks madmags Flowers and to the few that could read between the slightly Gin soaked lines.

Apols to those that pissed their sheets

Some difficult conversations in my very near future Brew

OP posts:
Chartreuse45 · 13/03/2018 23:16

Is it possible that they/he has no money because he has been/is paying £40k (plus interest) back. Your sister may know all about it and be helping him. Based on how you come across in this thread she may not wish to tell you about it.

Jenasaurus · 13/03/2018 23:17

I guess if my boyfriend was 40k in debt and my sister and parents knew I would be upset if they didn't tell me, or worse they told me years down the line when I was also in a financial mess because of it.

Chartreuse45 · 13/03/2018 23:17

And cross post!

WorraLiberty · 13/03/2018 23:18

And we now know, but by telling her, (my sister) we will break a family trust (where the teller is married-in family)

Oooh, actual 'married-in' family, as opposed to 'faux family'?

How very Godfather-esque Grin

This going to happen
Truthstar · 13/03/2018 23:18

What are you telling me to fuck off for 😂

lostjanni · 13/03/2018 23:18

Cone back tomorrow when people can understand you and you might realise what a tool your being

Original poster
MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 23:18

Oh god.

Just to clarify: he’s NOT telling her anything. He’s had this debt for all this time. And he hasn’t told her. He shares zero financial info, they live together, they have a beautiful boy, she doesn’t know.
Ok?

OP posts:
Original poster
MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 23:19

Let me go to the shed and get my shovel out

OP posts:
Truthstar · 13/03/2018 23:20

I want what you've had tonight 😂

Original poster
MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 23:20

Nobody in my family (sibs) are married (as in church)

OP posts:
EllieFitz · 13/03/2018 23:21

Nah sorry but it doesn't make sense.

Where does your sister think all their money goes?

Original poster
MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 23:21

Married in means when you are part of us. When you are loved, and give love back

OP posts:
snewsname · 13/03/2018 23:21

I'd have to tell my sister as i'd want to be told if the situation was reversed. I'd also encourage her to find proof in such a way that hopefully the telleree wouldn't be implicated. But I know my dsis is reasonable and wouldn't want to get anyone into trouble

ItsBeenAHellofaDay · 13/03/2018 23:22

No! Not ok!!! How on Earth do you know he hasn't told her????? They live together, there is likely a lot they don't tell you. You cannot possibly know she doesn't know! Unless he directly tells you he has never told her, and she also directly tells you she doesn't know.

Like I say, I had some debt probs, if DHs family had 'found out' they would think he didn't know - but he does!

Original poster
MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 23:22

This is the problem Ellie she’s never confronted him about money

OP posts:
Original poster
MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 23:24

I can tell you right now that she has no idea that’s he’s in debt.

Ffs why would I have started the thread otherwise

OP posts:
EllieFitz · 13/03/2018 23:24

But she knows that they have 2 incomes, his from a great job, but they are skint.

If she chooses not to confront him then that's a good indicator that she doesn't want to know?