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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This going to happen

251 replies

MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 20:52

Family get-together this weekend
My parents have found out that my faux-brother-law (they’re not married) is heavily in debt - 40k

They have a beautiful little son. He’s nearly 2.

Their own relationship is shite. No joint account he has Good job always skint

OP posts:
Bexter801 · 14/03/2018 00:04

Sleep well,hope you feel okay in the morning :) Bestest of luck with the conversation x

Original poster
MollyWantsACracker · 14/03/2018 00:06

Raven

My family know my sister is financially distressed. Ok?
She’s broke.
He has a very good job.
He keeps his finances secret.
Would you like this scenario for your sister??!

OP posts:
Original poster
MollyWantsACracker · 14/03/2018 00:09

Ps. thank you lollipop

Over & out

OP posts:
ItsBeenAHellofaDay · 14/03/2018 00:12

Goodnight Molly. Hope you've not been offended by my posts, no offence meant. Good luck with your dilemma and upcoming conversations. Happy hangover Smile

yorkshireyummymummy · 14/03/2018 00:13

I would just keep out of it frankly.
It’s absolutely sod all to do with you, your nearly 80 year old father and your nasty shit stirring ( faux) SIL. I can’t believe you haven’t asked her what she is getting from blabbing someone’s secret which she knows will cause bother. Why would she do this? Nasty nasty untrustworthy girl.
My guess is that your sister knows. And if she doesn’t maybe she needs to go to night school because if she can’t work out that 2 x income ( when one of them is good) does not = having no money. What your faux BIL spends his money on / borrows is nothing whatsoever to do with you or your parents.

But thanks for keeping me entertained, I would love to know what shade of magenta you will go in the morning when you read this!

Bexter801 · 14/03/2018 00:17

@yorkshireyummymummy if you think she's being vindictive,what makes you any different relishing on this whole thread,and hoping she feels crap in the morning

Slapdasherie · 14/03/2018 00:26

Why is BIL faux, but his sister is just your SIL?

Onlyoldontheoutside · 14/03/2018 00:36

Why no have a conversation with her,ask if they have money problems.If she asks why say that your husband has been borrowing from your dad and you are all worried for her.
She will then tell you or at least knows that you would listen if she can't yet.
Be thankful they are not married.Maybe she already knows and that is why they don't have joint finances.Maybe he borrowed money because she is managing the money and paying off the debts.

Snowysky20009 · 14/03/2018 00:40

Fuck I'm confused..... (note-no alcohol consumed this evening)

Slapdasherie · 14/03/2018 00:51

By faux-bil, I mean the fake uncle/aunt whothefuck blows by.
For the nieces/nephews who are right there 24/7/36fucking5

Sorry, is this in code?

AcrossthePond55 · 14/03/2018 01:15

Whatever you do do NOT bring this up at the family gathering! This is a discussion to have privately, one on one.

You always leave the person you are talking to 'a way out'. Don't back her (or him) into a corner by putting them on public trial!

WilyMinx · 14/03/2018 03:28

My sister has no idea that her partner is in debt.
The person that told my parents is a family member.
The person that told HER is a v close family member to her (v close/only sibling)

I would definitely tell my sister. How horrible for the whole family and some extended family to know but not her. I would try my best to keep the "teller's" identity a secret, but actually, by passing this info along to you, I am quite sure they were expecting you to tell your sister anyway.

PremierNaps · 14/03/2018 04:02

Happy hangover OP.

Truthstar · 14/03/2018 07:07

Sore head today OP???
You did make me laugh last night !

AfterSchoolWorry · 14/03/2018 07:38

Is the sister thick though? He's on great money and they're broke? How can she be oblivious?

PerfectlyDone · 14/03/2018 07:52
Brew [pint of water] [Paracetamol] [Vitamin C] Grin
iklboo · 14/03/2018 08:29

Nobody in my family (sibs) are married (as in church)

We didn't get married in church. Still legally married.

notapizzaeater · 14/03/2018 08:51

Are you sure she isn't aware, perhaps she doesn't want to share the information with you?

Tbh I'd tell my sister so she can make the choice

Fattymcfaterson · 14/03/2018 17:11

This thread is hilarious

Bookangel · 14/03/2018 18:59

Has OP died of embarrassment??

buttonmoonb4tea · 14/03/2018 21:45

Oh OP please come back, let us know what you decide to do.

PerfectlyDone · 14/03/2018 21:58

Has OP died of embarrassment??

That must be it as hangovers are not usually fatal Wink

Bigpizzalover · 14/03/2018 22:07

Think it depends on the reason of the debt... 40k is easy to rack up on genuine things if you think about it... nice car - £20k, couple of holidays paid on the credit card £10k, emergency card use/hire purchase for furniture etc.

My partner for example didn’t know my car was on finance until we worked out finances to move in together, I didn’t lie to him, but it’s not really a topic of conversation if you know what I mean. He didn’t know if it was owned outright or hp, no reason to ask and no reason to tell.

maddiemookins16mum · 14/03/2018 22:07

For some reason I'm reading the OPs posts in a Welsh accent.
.

iklboo · 15/03/2018 08:11

I can imagine the scenario though. Whole faiiiirmlee sitting around a table stony-faced, arms folded as FauxBIL comes in.

'We know about the money.'

'What money?'

'YOU OWE FORTY GRAND!!!!'

'Erm. No, actually. I don't. Who told you?'

'Your sister's boyfriend's dentist's dog walker's postman'.

'No. Not true. No idea where they got that from. Look, here's the proof.'

'Ah. Well. That's different, then. Fair enough. Who wants the ribs?'