This going to happen

[MollyWantsACracker]

Family get-together this weekend
My parents have found out that my faux-brother-law (they’re not married) is heavily in debt - 40k

They have a beautiful little son. He’s nearly 2.

Their own relationship is shite. No joint account he has Good job always skint

Your parents "heard" about his debt?

Your parents heard that he is in debt? So you don't know this for sure?

Find out the FACTS and then talk to your sister.

How did they “hear” about his £40K debt?

Why has no one talked to your sister about what they’ve “heard”?

Jesus Christ. I am not awful. My family are torn to bits to know what to do or say over this issue. Ffs

He’s not my brother-in-law. He acts like one, but he isn’t

How does someone act like a BIL? I have several. There’s no specific behaviours, they just married my sisters.

We found out only recently. His ex-flat mate/colleague who happens to be my sis-in-law broke down

This is getting confusing now.

Give him the number for stepchange in case he’s struggling with repayments. That’s the extent you can get involved with his life really.

On the proviso that we can’t tell my sister as it would break the trust between brother and sister

Can you put all of the details into one post please instead of a little bit of information at a time.

It’s all very dramatic isn’t it. Why would his ex flat mate break down over faux bil debt ?

How on earth did your parents "happen to" hear about this and your sister didn't? And they then told you, and not her?!

Do I need to throw a six to start?

I’m more worried about my sister. And the fact that she’s with a man who’s lied to her

Brother? Where does he come into it!

hissy

He’s definitely not her BIL as he’s not married to her sister.

Really, he’s not.

Sorry but it really is nothing to do with you.

Are your finances anything to do with him?

Maybe you've got the wrong end of the stick. You sound so incoherent, it's certainly possible.

Ok, I have no idea what is going on here!

Won't the trust be broken by not telling her?

What is going to happen?

Well, personally I'd butt out!!! It's not any of your business. However, if you can't do that, why don't you talk to the faux brother in law? If you have that kind of relationship, explain you heard about his debt when perhaps you shouldn't have, apologise for learning something private about him and acknowledge it might be wierd for him that you know. You could always ask how you can support him? Whether he's ok? etc..

However...

Your sister might already know!? I had some debt when I met DH. I told him all about it. He's a nice, decent human being who cares, so he was obviously supportive and didn't care or judge me! We didn't tell his parents or sibling though as I think they may not have understood. If they'd 'found out' somehow I suspect they would have thought I was horrible and perhaps reacted like you by wanting to make sure my DH knew etc... and would have been surprised to hear he knew all about it.

If it was my sibling I'd have to tell them,don't go along with the deceit and keep hiding it from her,your poor sister has every right to know.

My ex Husband built up debts of over £16,000 and I found out after I'd kicked him out,I was on my own with 2 young DC and I had to deal with the dickheads debts as well(none of the debts acquired were anything for me our DC or the house we shared)it will be awful if your Sister finds out to late and then finds out that you all knew about it.

His (ex) flat-mate is my sister in law., ie., her brother.

She told my parents the secret that her brother told her.

Can you digest all of your post into a single post and we all go from there?

What is your AIBU? - Whether or not to tell your sister?

You seem to be enjoying the drip-feeding and drama of it all. If need be then sit your sister down and tell her what you know or suspect then let her make her own decisions from there.