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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

This going to happen

251 replies

MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 20:52

Family get-together this weekend
My parents have found out that my faux-brother-law (they’re not married) is heavily in debt - 40k

They have a beautiful little son. He’s nearly 2.

Their own relationship is shite. No joint account he has Good job always skint

OP posts:
ReasonableLlama · 13/03/2018 22:52

Any chance of a diagram?

BadLad · 13/03/2018 22:52

I'd be fucked off if my partner had concealed the fact that she was actually in a shitload of debt.

buttonmoonb4tea · 13/03/2018 22:53

This thread has seriously had me in stitches 😂😂.

Op just tell your sister or tell faux BIL jesus what a bollocky description to tell her. End.Of

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 13/03/2018 22:53

Why would she break down? Is she a drama queen? —likeyou—

dontbesillyhenry · 13/03/2018 22:53

I think you should te noihydc with tinkiew then discuss in the morning when sober

AcrossthePond55 · 13/03/2018 22:54

Well thank fuck they aren't married! At least she (hopefully) won't be liable for his debt.

Here's my 2 pennyworth

1-If Sister is financially dependent on this man in any way or there are financial 'ties' (joint accounts, home ownership, credit cards) that will affect her, she needs to know. Your primary concern should be her security and that of her child.

2-Borrowing from your 80 yr old dad. Well, there's no fool like an old fool. If he's lending money he cannot afford to, unless there is some other issue (dementia, bullying, emotional blackmail, etc) then that's between him and your dad.

3-If you don't tell her, the chances are that when (not if) this debt surfaces she will eventually find out that you all knew and said nothing. IMO, this is going to damage your relationship with her much more than telling.

But, this appears to be third or fourth hand information, i.e. a 'source person' told SiL who told your parents who told you. Probably the best thing to do would be to tell not-BiL that you've heard that he has debt your sister doesn't know about and that if he doesn't tell her, you will.

MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 22:55

why would she break down

Because she loves and is part of our family & could see that my sis and parents were distressed

OP posts:
EllieFitz · 13/03/2018 22:56

So your "faux" BIL told your SIL's (your brother's wife) sister about the debt?

Your SIL's sister then tells your SIL?

Your SIL then keeps it a secret until recently when she suddenly feels it appropriate to tell your Parents?

Even though your sister and "faux" BIL have managed their lives and finances themselves for however long the alleged debt has been in existence, it is now a family matter because your SIL blabbed?

MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 22:56

Thank you Across

OP posts:
anneoneill · 13/03/2018 22:58

The only proof is that he told his mate.

So you have zero proof?

EllieFitz · 13/03/2018 22:58

Now I'm really confused, why were your Sis and Parents distressed?

MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 22:59

That is largely the conclusion I’d arrived at.
It will ruin another family (only siblings) relationship
And break a bond of trust between my brother’s wife and my parents

But I think it will have to be Done.

OP posts:
Sashkin · 13/03/2018 23:00

my sis and parents were distressed

What about, if this debt was a secret?

If he was £40k in debt a couple of years shocks and is a big earner, he could well have paid it off by now. Or have told your sister about it.

MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 23:02

I don’t have zero proof. The guy has a great job. They never have 2 pennies. My sister works. They have a low rent.
She wanted to try to save/put money away “no no no buying property is a fools game”

OP posts:
RedBullBlood · 13/03/2018 23:03

That is largely the conclusion I'd arrived at.

What conclusion?!

Truthstar · 13/03/2018 23:03

Oh Lord give me strength 😂.

Just when I think I'm going to leave MN a wee gem of a thread like this pops up. Every time 😂.

So ..... your sisters partner who she's been with for 7 years is a fake bil. Yet your brothers wifes sister is family???? Wtf??

By the way folks . . .......
I'M SHARON & I LOVE ME A BIT OF TE NOIHYDC 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 23:03

sash I think he’s gambling

OP posts:
anneoneill · 13/03/2018 23:04

You have a funny definition of proof.

ItsBeenAHellofaDay · 13/03/2018 23:04

WinkBiscuitBiscuit

EllieFitz · 13/03/2018 23:04

Well where does your Sister think their money goes then? If you know he has a great job then presumably she does too!

If they both work and have no money, why would your sister not question it herself?

MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 23:05

Oh would you ever fuck off truth

OP posts:
MollyWantsACracker · 13/03/2018 23:05

It’s not easy to describe family dynamics sometimes

OP posts:
RosaRosaRose · 13/03/2018 23:06

Thought I was (more or less) following, but confused as fuck now. Sorry OP. Lost the plot. Confused

PremierNaps · 13/03/2018 23:06

It's nothing to do with you or your parents butt out. Plus you sound so incoherent.

AcrossthePond55 · 13/03/2018 23:06

If he has a 'great job' but never has any money, I wonder if he has a gambling or substance abuse problem. That money has to be going somewhere.

And break a bond of trust between my brother’s wife and my parents That's a shame, but your sister's financial safety trumps this, imo.