Mum Just Lectured At Me About DS's Long Hair

[lqhufqhurfhuerg]

My mum has DS one day a week during working hours. He's 3. He has gorgeous long curly blond hair. We've never cut it apart from the fringe - it's quite long now (shoulders).

He is also keen on clambering about outside, and jumping in puddles. When clothes are new they don't remain looking new for long - some marks won't wash out. Some of his clothes are hand-me-downs and are not out-of-shop brand new - so have some marking.

She's just brushed his hair (making it look more brushed, but to me terrible and the lovely curls have gone) and given me a 10 minute lecture about the fact that it's not fair and that it'll be scarring him for life because people will be judging him and thinking he's either odd for having long hair while being a boy, or that he'll be scarred by being confused as a girl - and that when he goes to school he'll be teased by other children and it'll scar him for life.

She thinks her friends disapprove of his hair and his regular mild grubbiness. She finds this very difficult to deal with and feels embarrassed to be seen out with him.

I mildly angrily said perhaps she should change her friends. She said the problem was that even if I was right with my ideals and choices about how society should be, people out there are judgey and.... yep... he'd be scarred for life.

A lot of boys have long hair these days don't they?

And quite a lot of them are quite grubby quite often aren't they?

I never ever brush my hair, I don't own a brush or comb. Best for curly hair and mine isn't messy at all

My ds has always almost had long hair. He's not traumatised

" OP, your mum is not the only one being ridiculous "

LaurieMarlow - do you really think that is ridiculous?
Ye I used to be all middle class about 'grubbiness' until a SW came knocking and made a report about what a disgusting parent I was.
Unbrushed hair got a specific mention.

So don't dismiss what I say with your passive aggressive little smilie face, I am talking from bitter experience.

SS make visits for kids who have scruffy clothes? Blimey, they must be busy. They'll have to visit the majority of kids at my DS's school who look like they've been dragged through a hedge by lunchtime.

Your DM needs to worry much less about what people think.

I think SS may have more pressing issues than chasing up after all the little boys with unbrushed hair. FFS.

same to you anxious.
Maybe you are lucky enough to live in a part of the country where simple scruffiness isn't upheld as a child protection issue, but I was not.
And no, there wasn't anything else.

I have just had to get my five year old DS's long hair cut (yesterday). He wanted to grow it as long as his female teacher's hair but he has managed to get nits twice in a month and won't have it tied back so it has had to go! I would have preferred to have let him decide when he was ready but de-nitting is both annoying and expensive.

What I’m trying to say op. Is that if you can be bothered with the upkeep of long hair, then it’s no one else’s business but your own.

I admit: I silently judge parents who keep diddums boy long and curly. Silently.
Meh. Your choice.
Mud is always good, btw.

Scruffy coat (marking to left and right of zip) doesn't wash out - hence how he's grubby from the get-go.

dull are you in the U.K.?

My youngest had long hair (yes the cliche blond surfie look) until y6. He was mistaken for a girl when little but it never bothered him. Laughed at anyone who tried to tease him and pointed out all the footballers and musicians (and even Brian Cox) with long hair. Decided he fancied a change when he hit 11.

Having a boy with long hair is a bit of an idiot detector; helped me weed out people with very different values to me.

Gussy thanks for being honest, but what do you actually mean by I silently judge parents who keep diddums boy long and curly.?

I guess I mean, what do you judge them to be? Soft? Lazy? Fans of the Foo Fighters?

ye in an area where SS are not that busy, if you know what I mean...:(

overcooked you should have bought a nitty gritty! No need for expensive (toxic!) nit creams.

There was one boy at preschool with long hair and even at this age the kids would laugh at him and ask if he was a girl.
It was cut short before he started school though.

Your mum whilst right has nothing to do with it and is being ott saying he will be scarred.
Make sure she doesn't get it cut on her day, if she's that bothered she might do.
As she's so embarrassed I'd be inclined to find alternative childcare for her day, somebody who isn't so judgy.

MyBrilliantDisguise It's not that I'm besotted by the ringlets, it's that I really hate seeing super short hair on small children.

DC's hair is brushing his shoulders now and I probably won't let it get any longer than that, but I would also do the same if he were a girl. Any longer and it starts to risk being tangled. As someone who had super curly long hair as a child I don't fancy having to spend time detangling him, it hurts!

I do adore the ringlets though, they're red and they're so adorable. He does get mistaken for a girl, but he always has been no matter the hair length. Even as a 6 week old with a tiny bit of hair he was getting called a girl.

I've seen little boys and girls with long hair that looks lovely but I've also seen some with thin, tatty baby hair that looks like it needs a good chop.
My DN's long curl hair looks messy most of the time because her Mum cares for it as if it was straight with too much washing and brushing.

I can see how grubby clothes and tatty hair could give the impression your son is kind of uncared for but having said that two of my four DC have a knack of looking like they've been dragged through a hedge backwards. Both are tall and skinny so clothes rarely hang right, they have a double crown so their hair doesn't lie flat at the back.

iqhuf My dd has that coat, it never washed clean!

To clarify: I don't like deliberately short hair, e.g. like DH who has his hair done with clippers at the barbers. Don't like that at all.

You don't dry brush curls.

Lots of boys have longer hair.

My son used to have long curly hair, he decided he wanted it cut when he got older. I only ever had one comment made and I shut it down and nothing else was ever said.

Having a boy with long hair is a bit of an idiot detector; helped me weed out people with very different values to me.

Yes to this!

My DS is so confident, it amazes me as I never was. When he started secondary and started having the piss taken for having long hair, he used to come home and tell me about it, and about his replies, and we'd have a laugh at the small mindedness of some people.

Is she a Christian? If not, you can point out that the only reason boys and men are supposed to have long hair is because St Paul said so. As for the grubbiness, small children who aren't slightly grubby are never allowed to play outside, IME. I used to call DD Grizabella, because she'd be filthy when she came in from the garden.

Oh, and my hair is very long and extremely curly, I comb it through when I've washed it (twice a week) then I don't touch it again until next wash.
it looks fine, certainly not messy.

Buy him a hat.
Or tell her you will put him in nursery if he is such an embarrassment to her.