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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

“I apologise if I’ve offended you”

344 replies

MadMaryBoddington · 13/03/2018 09:19

AIBU to think this is a mealy-mouthed, patronising, inadequate excuse for an apology.

Just had ‘words’ with a van driver who had mounted the kerb and was driving with two wheels along the pavement on the village high street this morning.

Five year old ds was running ahead of me on the way to school, and suddenly there was this van driving along the pavement towards him. I yelled at ds to STOP, he did, about three metres in front of the van. Van carried on moving. I raced up to him, grabbed ds, and the driver then pulled off the kerb as I approached his window to yell at him.

He did not appear to think he’d done anything wrong. He ‘apologised if he had offended me’. Offended! I asked if he had children and how he would feel if he saw his child running along a pavement with a large vehicle approaching along it. He said he did have kids, and that he could assure me that he ‘was in full control of his vehicle the whole time’.

I’m raging. The high street is narrow. This happened at a pinch point where vehicles cannot pass side by side if they are large. Legally they should wait for a gap, but often they mount the kerb instead, especially at rush hour. It always makes me angry but they do at least usually stop dead if they see a pedestrian and pull off the pavement straight away. This guy carried on driving.

I normally keep the dc close to me or hold their hands along this stretch of road so that I can grab them if necessary. It’s typical that this morning I had my hands full with musical instruments and bags and so on and was momentarily distracted by saying something to dd behind me, and ds had run further ahead than I’d have liked.

Ironically it was a Highways Agency van.

OP posts:
ChelleDawg2020 · 13/03/2018 12:43

The van driver was in control of his vehicle. Most drivers will mount the kerb occasionally. As long as he could see the loose child, and was in control of his vehicle in case it made an unexpected movement, he didn't do much wrong.

I think the OP was more wrong for her over the top reaction. The driver apologised if he had offended her by his driving, nobody was hurt, so that's the end of the matter.

If there is a lesson to be learnt, I think it is that you should always keep close control of your children - especially on a street where drivers are known to regularly mount the kerb! Not every driver will be as careful as the one in question.

liquidrevolution · 13/03/2018 12:44

Can't believe some of the comments Confused.

Child was on pavement, van was on pavement. One of these was breaking the law. I don't see the difficulty.

Glad you reported OP. Your response to the van driver may not have been dignified but it sounds a lot more restrained that what mine would have been.

bluescreen · 13/03/2018 12:45

bosom hoiky
Excellent, Sossidge!

AuntLydia · 13/03/2018 12:51

No, no, no. Most drivers will NOT mount the kerb AND THEN drive along it occasionally - which is what happened here. He didn't just mount the pavement to park (although that's bad enough with pedestrians close by), he drove along the pavement to avoid sitting in traffic. This is the absolute polar opposite of a careful driver.

blueshoes · 13/03/2018 12:52

OP, you did the right thing to report him. It wasn't an apology and he was in the legal wrong. It might save an accident from happening later.

Apparently to some posters on mn, if you even raise your voice a little, you automatically forfeit all right to be angry at an outrageous situation. Ignore them. If it was their child, I bet they would be calm and collected and accept that apology flinging themselves at the driver through the window

RedDogsBeg · 13/03/2018 12:53

I'm not saying you are wrong in keeping your children close GreatDuck, excellent misinterpreting, I am saying you are wrong with your implication that the OP, or anyone else, is not good enough if they don't and therefore have only themselves to blame if something untoward happens.

Chelle you win the prize for posting the most bollocks post of the day. Suggest you re-read the Highway Code if you, unfortunately for the rest of us, actually drive.

TinyDoom · 13/03/2018 12:54

YANBU - drivers should follow the highway code!

I guess I'm not surprised to see all the victim-bashing on here, though. Clearly, pedestrians are just an impediment to drivers getting where they need to go, regardless of traffic laws.

Once another mum nearly ran the DC and me over at a zebra crossing. When I got to school, she ticked me off for not waiting at the crossing until I'd determined if she was going to stop (she had plenty of time to stop, but elected not to, and I held the DC back in the first half of the crossing when I saw that she was not slowing down at all).

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/03/2018 12:57

Again stop twisting my words. I haven't said that, I have responded to posters who said their children had the right to run ahead on the pavement which is fine but you cannot then expect ALL people on the road to drive carefully. Which is why I keep mine next to me.

MrPan · 13/03/2018 12:58

I think the 'van man sympathy' is a result of the bonkers notion that "car is king" in this country. It's batshit crazy, and comes wit ha lot of attendant harms and expense, but for some reason we are collectively prepared to put up with all of this shit.

This is a fine example. Car/van is right seems to be the default, unless someone gets killed. And even then there is 'poor driver, ther but for the grace of God...'

cucaracha · 13/03/2018 12:59

Most drivers will mount the kerb occasionally
ahem, sorry, but most drivers actually know how to drive and manage to avoid the kerbs.

Pretty sure you'll fail your test if you can't even manage that!

CertainlyChoco · 13/03/2018 13:02

I dont understand what's the point of.frothing over this now. Might be a bad choice of words that's all.

FrancisCrawford · 13/03/2018 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purplelass · 13/03/2018 13:09

I don't think anyone here has said that what the van driver did was OK, it clearly wasn't.
My (and other posters) point was that if it's something that happens a lot then something should be done to stop it being so dangerous - either make sure child is away from potential danger or maybe start a petition for bollards so it simply can't happen?
Getting this driver reprimanded isn't going to stop others potentially causing an accident is it?

mellicauli · 13/03/2018 13:10

Here's the complains email for highways agency [email protected].

They are government department . The same government who made the "no driving on the pavement" law. So you'd think they'd be quite keen on their employees obeying the law.

FrancisCrawford · 13/03/2018 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NewImprovedNinja · 13/03/2018 13:12

Idiot driver. YANBU. Pavements are for pedestrians not vehicles.
We have a narrow road where traffic has to give way to oncoming vehicles. It regularly causes jams. However, because vehicles did try mounting the pavement, the council very sensibly put some bollards along the edge of the pavement at intervals at the narrowest section to prevent them doing this.

FrancisCrawford · 13/03/2018 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DullAndOld · 13/03/2018 13:14

personally I would fone the company and complain but then I always was a vindictive old biatch.
And whoever is saying 'oh you should have been holding his hand' - pavements are meant for pedestrians not cars.

MagicNumbers1234 · 13/03/2018 13:14

“I apologise if I’ve offended you”
It's the "IF" takes away the apology imo because he knew he had upset/offended the op. He was in the wrong but op should not have been so aggressive especially when there were DC with her and likely to be other DC around if it's on the high street and on the school run. I know op was distracted but leaving a 5 year old run ahead when you can't easily catch them from running into the road or getting hurt is dangerous even on a footpath. There is no point being right if your child gets hurt.

MyNameIsNotSteven · 13/03/2018 13:18

Why was confronting a driver about his dangerous, shit driving an overreaction? I would absolutely report this.

OohMavis · 13/03/2018 13:18

I'd speak to local councillors and get support for bollards to be put on that pavement

Yes, OP, do this. I campaigned alongside the school, the local councillor and the residents of the road (I live on the next road) this happened to us on and they're now installed - one bollard either side of each driveway along the road. Drivers were mounting the drop kerbs of driveways and driving along until they passed oncoming traffic, using the path as an extra bit of road Angry

It wasn't a long process and the problem is completely resolved now.

londonrach · 13/03/2018 13:20

Report op to the highways as its by luck he didnt kill your ds and next time the child might not be as lucky. Yanbu. Stupid brain less guy. Id be furious too

hazell42 · 13/03/2018 13:21

I'm sorry if I've offended you, is fine
I'm sorry you're offended, now that would be a problem!

beanii · 13/03/2018 13:21

YABU

Lizzie48 · 13/03/2018 13:22

Of course YANBU, OP, that would have terrified me and I might well have reacted the way you did. No way should he have been driving on the pavement.