“I apologise if I’ve offended you”

[MadMaryBoddington]

AIBU to think this is a mealy-mouthed, patronising, inadequate excuse for an apology.

Just had ‘words’ with a van driver who had mounted the kerb and was driving with two wheels along the pavement on the village high street this morning.

Five year old ds was running ahead of me on the way to school, and suddenly there was this van driving along the pavement towards him. I yelled at ds to STOP, he did, about three metres in front of the van. Van carried on moving. I raced up to him, grabbed ds, and the driver then pulled off the kerb as I approached his window to yell at him.

He did not appear to think he’d done anything wrong. He ‘apologised if he had offended me’. Offended! I asked if he had children and how he would feel if he saw his child running along a pavement with a large vehicle approaching along it. He said he did have kids, and that he could assure me that he ‘was in full control of his vehicle the whole time’.

I’m raging. The high street is narrow. This happened at a pinch point where vehicles cannot pass side by side if they are large. Legally they should wait for a gap, but often they mount the kerb instead, especially at rush hour. It always makes me angry but they do at least usually stop dead if they see a pedestrian and pull off the pavement straight away. This guy carried on driving.

I normally keep the dc close to me or hold their hands along this stretch of road so that I can grab them if necessary. It’s typical that this morning I had my hands full with musical instruments and bags and so on and was momentarily distracted by saying something to dd behind me, and ds had run further ahead than I’d have liked.

Ironically it was a Highways Agency van.

So you agree at least that it's sensible to have your dc close by on a busy road. That's something I guess.

Awww thanks greatduck. Great praise indeed ;-) And in the same way I'm sure you agree that if a van drove on the pavement and hit a pedestrian it would be the van drivers fault right? Not the pedestrians. You do think that. Doncha?

From my OP, GreatDuck:

I normally keep the dc close to me or hold their hands along this stretch of road so that I can grab them if necessary

I do think that obviously. I don't think there's anything wrong though in making sure your dc are safe as you possibly can though on busy roads. Who wouldn't?

" It is used it as a rat run by traffic that chooses to avoid going a slightly longer route on more appropriate roads."

Definitely report him then.

Ratrunners who'd rather risk running pedestrians over in a quiet residential area than use main roads provided for heavy traffic are scum.

It's Sod's law OP that today of all days your dc was running ahead. I'm sorry you've had a shock and this morning.

So many daft comments on here. YANBU, OP. This is the second thread I've been on today that's full of offended tutters.

I shouted at a van to stop in exactly the same scenario a few years ago - though in my case my DS was walking along maybe 3 metres behind me on a quiet residential street, I kept glancing back every couple of seconds to check on him, then all of a sudden a van drove down the road and mounted the pavement between DS and me!

The driver was lovely - could clearly see I was shocked, and gave me a very heartfelt apology straight away, at which point I thanked him for being so kind about it, and we left it there.

In your case, you didn't get a proper apology but a mealy mouthed response, and you wanted to feel he actually understood that the risk he was creating wasn't OK, and that he wouldn't do it in future. Totally get that.

YANBU. Your child should be safe on the pavement. The driver was in the wrong, he should NOT have been on the pavement. Please report him.

My guess is that the daft comments are from people who have driven similarly to the van driver. Rather than admitting to themselves that their actions in the past have been reckless and illegal they are trying to blame OP.

Oh God, I'm with those who get the rage over the "if I offended you" bit.

You're not bloody offended by a small child potentially being hit by a van mounting a pavement, you're appalled and horrified. And the "if" part... as though there's an alternative view that it wasn't appalling and horrifying and entirely the driver being crap.

He should have said: "I'm truly sorry for appalling and horrifying you with my careless and crap driving."

And then I might have let him off just this once.

Could you be any more patronising and condescending GreatDuck? Your comments are on a par with the Van Driver's faux apology.

There is only ONE person at fault in this case and it is the Van Driver, no ifs, buts, maybes, he was the one driving illegally.

I'm glad you've reported him, OP, and you were not in any way unreasonable in your reaction he was 100% in the wrong and 100% unreasonable with his faux apology to you.

The shapes some posters are twisting themselves into to put blame on the OP or excuse the van driver are beyond parody but my favourite has to be the one which deemed OP should become a Town Planner because car and van drivers can't possibly wait or be inconvenienced in any way during their busy lives and the onus is on the OP to prevent them having to commit a driving offence.

If people think the OP overreacted by screaming at the driver, I dread to think what they'd think of me.

I was walking the children home from school, and had just crossed the road directly outside the school gates. A driver, who could not be bothered to wait for the traffic to clear ahead of him (he wanted to turn left, but a queue at the traffic lights was holding him up) decided to mount the pavement and try to cut across the corner, so he could go left - this was right in front of me and the children.

I leapt in front of his car, and hammered on the bonnet, and then stood there until he reversed back onto the road. Did I overreact? I don't think so - he should not have tried to drive across the pavement - not only was it an illegal manoeuvre, but also very dangerous because it was just at the end of school time, so there were plenty of children around, not all with their parents.

@MadMaryBoddington - if I were you, I would have screamed at the driver too - it was an entirely proportionate reaction to a dangerous driver. I would also contact the man's employers and report this. Next time he does it, he could hit and injure or kill someone.

Posters were saying that a child had every right to run ahead on the pavement. In an ideal world yes this is true but we don't live in such a place. I pointed out that I keep mine with me on such roads to make sure they're safe from drivers like the one today.

If you think that's patronising and condescending so be it.

Well done for having the presence of mind to take down the registration MadMaryBoddington

And YANBU using the word 'if' almost always means the sentence is not an apology.

Van driver DANGEROUSLY at fault here.

The only thing OP has done wrong is not reported him to police.

Oh sorry, I see she's taken down reg. definitely report to police OP!

There are a lot of car wankers on this thread!

I'd speak to local councillors and get support for bollards to be put on that pavement, or have the kerb heights increased to prevent vehicles driving over them.

Posters were saying that a child had every right to run ahead on the pavement. In an ideal world yes this is true but we don't live in such a place. I pointed out that I keep mine with me on such roads to make sure they're safe from drivers like the one today.

They do have the right though and that is why the driver should be reported. The pavement is for pedestrians, not cars. Yes, people should take care of their children but that is completely irrelevant to the question of whether this driver should be reported. As for the constant assertion that this wouldn't have happened if OP was holding their child, what about children who are old enough to walk/run home from school by themselves or even adults?

I haven't said he shouldn't be reported and I have said that he was obviously in the wrong.

I've seen it all on here today.

Posters who think it's fine for a teacher to pull hairs out of a student's head, now posters who tut at a mother to control her child better after a van mounted the pavement heading towards said 5yo child, walking on the pavement.

What is it, National Bash-A-Parent, Blame-A-Child Day?

It would be a far more ideal world if people didn't try and excuse illegal, anti-social or just run of the mill bad behaviour. Put the onus and responsibility completely and squarely on those in the wrong instead of trying to place some blame on those in the right as you have done GreatDuck by insinuating that the OP wasn't a good enough/protective enough parent, unlike your own good self of course.

Driver is an absolute knob, yanbu. And if they are not willing to do anything about that road pinch point, I'd be tempted to put a little doll or something right at that exact pinch point so that a driver had to go crunch over something human looking to get over the pavement.

All this debate about holding the child's hand is utterly baffling. The child did nothing wrong. He was on the pavement, exactly where he should have been. He even stopped when yelled at. Posters who pick an irrelevant point out of a thread and use it to beat the op with do my head in.

No that isn't what I've done at all. But carry on twisting my words if it makes you feel better RedDog. As I've just explained in my pp to you my repsonses were to other posters who said that their children had every right to run ahead on the road. Which is true but what that doesn't stop is drivers like the man in question today driving wrecklessly and putting pedestrians in danger. So again, if you think I'm wrong for keeping my dc close by next to me then that's your issue and not mine.