AIBU About Constant Requests To Babysit?

[zukiecat]

I'll try and keep this short and not let it turn into a rant, but please bear with me!

Since the start of the year a colleague has asked me constantly to babysit her four DC, some of which has been for nights out and some so her DH can work overtime (voluntary)

Looking back on my diary I have done more than 50 hours of babysitting since the middle of January, I have health issues and it's really starting to take its toll on me, I have Pernicious Anaemia (amongst other conditions) and sometimes coping with my part time job is more than enough for me, I don't ask for or receive any sort of payment for this babysitting, last week I got a bit pissed of because I looked after the DC for the whole day, then had to go straight to work for an evening shift, it was pouring rain when I left but I didn't get offered a lift to work, I should say I never ever ask for or expect any lifts from anyone to anywhere, but seeing as though I had looked after her DC from 9am to 5pm and it would have taken her DH five minutes to run me down the road, I have Sciatica and Arthritis which are made worse by cold damp weather.

Colleague also asked our boss not to put me on the rota on certain evenings because, and I quote "I need her to babysit"

My own DC are adults, one DD has left home and the younger one also has health issues and she's had nine hospital admissions since June 2017, she was also diagnosed this weekend with a blood clot on her lung which is very worrying, so I need to be around to look after her too.

I had a bad dose of flu in January, but colleague's DH wouldn't stop phoning and texting me to ask if I would be able to babysit that week so that they could have a night out. I also had quite severe laryngitis three weeks ago, and this, combined with my other health conditions really took it out of me, but I still got endless texts asking me to babysit for another night out.

I'm just feeling exhausted and to be honest, just used. I'm not the best at saying No to people and some do take advantage of that, but do you think I would be justified to refuse to do any more babysitting and not give a reason?

Sorry, this was longer than I intended it to be, but thanks for reading!

Posted too soon and by accident!

Meant to say she has ongoing mental health issues but she is getting the proper help and support she needs

Over the weekend though she had a blood clot in her lung, which hit us right out of the blue, but thankfully the blood thinning injections worked and the clot has dissolved, doctors were happy to discharge her on Monday evening and no further treatment required there, if she has any more trouble then we've to go straight back

Her blood pressure was a bit high though, and she's still having headaches and feeling a bit off, so we've phoned the GP, just waiting for them to call back

zukiecat More (((((((Hugs)))))) for you and for your DD

Thankyou TheMadHugger

Whatever all the "no" voters say. You are making yourself more ill and your daughter comes first.

I hate to be harsh but someone wiill treat you like a doormat if lie down.

I“No I have babysat for you but it no longer works for me, and I’d appreciate if you didn’t ask me again. Thanks.’

Also I would speak to your manager tell her what has happened and to not agree any rota changes unless they come direct from you.

Hope your DD improves, and quickly, zukie.

You know what you have to do with the babysitting. No. Think of your DD and the worry you've had spinning plates. And think of the relief at getting the first NO out the way. After that it will just become second nature

Tell colleague your health and that of your dd is your priority so you won't be able to babysit for her anymore.

And cancel the cheque while you're at it

You aren't related?
They aren't paying you a penny?
You babysat 4 kids for an entire day? For free?
I have never heard of anything like this! They need to be fired in a rocket past the far side of fuck and to keep on going.

this 100%

Tell them now that you can’t help any more. If you wait until the next request/ demand they will accuse you of letting them down and losing them wages.

Text and say that after discussion with your doctor about your health and that of dd you realise you’ve been doing far too much and can offer any more help going forward.

If they get difficult you could make up an invoice for the hours you’ve put in this year. Don’t be embarrassed or made to feel bad, they’ve taken advantage big time. 4 dc looked after for free...that’s CF territory for sure.

Best wishes to you and dd.

can’t not can!!

Mmmmmmchips easily done when you're a confident, assertive person. Nigh impossible for those who have been conditioned to be used and abused.

I agree with Matilda, don't wait until they ask!
How about a text?
' just want to let you know that I can no longer baby sit. As you know, my own health is not great and my family needs are suffering with me being unavailable to them so much. DD recent hospital visits really made me realise that I am doing too much at their expense and my own. Please do not ask me again as I would hate for it to cause bad feelings at work. '

Just remember, no guilt, you have been very good to her to help for so long!

Hope your daughter is okay. Can’t imagine having to deal with everything you are going through and still having to deal with CF requests to babysit.
Definitely doing the right thing but refusing to do anymore.

Jeez I can't believe the cheek of some people. I'd be livid especially that she actually went to your boss to dictate what hours you work to accommodate her and your free child care services! What a nerve.

Glad your DD is ok OP and whatever you do, nip this in the bud!

How's things Zukie- have they stopped badgering you now?

Zukie, I am so glad your daughter is better. I really feel for you because I was in a similar situation. The demands started out so small, but then crept up and up. Very difficult to say no,once they'd already got you to say yes, particularly if its someone you see every single day and can't avoid. How could you even know that a small friendly favour at the outset would be so badly abused by the end of the scenario. It's only with hindsight.
So what I wanted to say is, you must'nt feel guilty or bad because this person took advantage of your generous nature and imposed on you. She is the one who should feel bad. Not you. She manipulated and used her position at work to force you into this.
You had no way of knowing how far she was prepared to go and how much she was prepared to pressure you.
This is not your "fault", a gentle kind person like you would never imagine that someone could deliberately behave that way. The guilt is all hers and eventually she will get her comeuppance. She has already completely lost the potential to have a good friend like you. That is completely her loss.

So don't berate yourself about the past. You have recognised her CF ery and have lots of advice and support her to deal with her. So well done actually.

In my case, my CF lived very nearby and was at same school and so knew all my comings and goings and would demolish every reason I put up. Like you, it came to a crisis point where I simply could not bear it anymore. Looking back, I felt like a total Mug. On top of totally taking the p in similar terms, She once walked into our house from back garden and totally ruined the a major sporting final for our entire family (we had a special reason for watching). This was the least of it,but somehow its the one that sticks in my head most! I know is silly, but if you've been following something v closely for a particular reason and some twit starts talking over the Tournament point.. because they want to be entertained and demand your attention.. its grrr. Still annoys me more than the actual CF ery. Once I told her very nicely (and I also had a very sound reason apart from just not wanting to do it) and i gave her plenty of notice to find a replacement Mug or pay someone, she barely spoke to me ever again - and even tho I was dreading that - it actually was a massive, massive relied that I no longer had to think about it or deal with it. So best of luck. We are all cheering for you.

*support here to deal with..

Hi everyone, sorry not been on for a wee while, DD's blood clot may be back, we'll get the results of the blood tests tomorrow, I am really hoping it will be clear, but she's having the exact same symptoms as before so it is very worrying

Thank you Duck I really appreciate those words, all these messages have given me strength and comfort.

Colleague has asked me to babysit all day next week, and I said No, can't do it, I'm tired and not in the best of health. She wasn't best pleased and has been rather off with me since, but I'm not letting that get to me, her DH came to pick her up the other day and totally blanked me, so that has strengthened my resolve to refuse any and all demands/requests to babysit ever again.

Disgraceful behaviour that highlights their attitude of usery. I'm glad this has strenghted your resolve. Unbelievable when your daughter is so poorly. Also. You may get extra pressure and find that I can't makes them think of reasons why you can. I just don't want to anymore, is harder for them to argue with and can be repeated again and again. I just don't want to do unpaid childcare in my time off work.

Block her number now op and put her to the back of your mind. I hope that your daughter gets well soon and you get a well deserved rest over Easter.

Well done op, stay strong.

Hope your dd gets better soon x

What a horrible attitude on behalf of your “friend”

& 💕 for you and DD

Well done for saying no. Was it as hard as you'd thought it would be?

The attitude just proves they are only interested in getting something from you. Users.

Stick to your guns and I hope you get good news about your DD. You need to prioritise her and your health.