AIBU About Constant Requests To Babysit?

[zukiecat]

I'll try and keep this short and not let it turn into a rant, but please bear with me!

Since the start of the year a colleague has asked me constantly to babysit her four DC, some of which has been for nights out and some so her DH can work overtime (voluntary)

Looking back on my diary I have done more than 50 hours of babysitting since the middle of January, I have health issues and it's really starting to take its toll on me, I have Pernicious Anaemia (amongst other conditions) and sometimes coping with my part time job is more than enough for me, I don't ask for or receive any sort of payment for this babysitting, last week I got a bit pissed of because I looked after the DC for the whole day, then had to go straight to work for an evening shift, it was pouring rain when I left but I didn't get offered a lift to work, I should say I never ever ask for or expect any lifts from anyone to anywhere, but seeing as though I had looked after her DC from 9am to 5pm and it would have taken her DH five minutes to run me down the road, I have Sciatica and Arthritis which are made worse by cold damp weather.

Colleague also asked our boss not to put me on the rota on certain evenings because, and I quote "I need her to babysit"

My own DC are adults, one DD has left home and the younger one also has health issues and she's had nine hospital admissions since June 2017, she was also diagnosed this weekend with a blood clot on her lung which is very worrying, so I need to be around to look after her too.

I had a bad dose of flu in January, but colleague's DH wouldn't stop phoning and texting me to ask if I would be able to babysit that week so that they could have a night out. I also had quite severe laryngitis three weeks ago, and this, combined with my other health conditions really took it out of me, but I still got endless texts asking me to babysit for another night out.

I'm just feeling exhausted and to be honest, just used. I'm not the best at saying No to people and some do take advantage of that, but do you think I would be justified to refuse to do any more babysitting and not give a reason?

Sorry, this was longer than I intended it to be, but thanks for reading!

Zukie you did so well to say no, I know it's a struggle for you.

Their behaviour is awful! Refer to this thread if ever you need reminding.

So sorry to hear that your daughter is so unwell. Let us know how you are getting on.

zukie well done for staying strong.
Really hope your DD is okay - fingers crossed for the blood tests today

I really hope that your dd is ok.

... of course you could refuse. You can always refuse.

What nasty, CF users that colleagues and DH both are. Blanking you and being off with you just for habing put the needs of you and your family ahead of their social life. Well done. Stay strong.

First of all best wishes to your daughter. I hope she feels better soon.

I am glad you stood up to your CF colleague. In true CF style they have shown their true colours. When ordinary, thoughtful people have help in a tight spot or a favour, they will be appreciative and often try to reciprocate. They are also mindful of not taking advantage of someone's good nature. Not CF's though they take and take and take and when the shop is closed they get huffy, feel hard done by and move on without a backward glance.

Stick to your guns OP.

Well done to saying no to the CF. It will make you stronger for any future conflicts.
Hope DD will be ok

Agree with KC225. It is an absolute hallmark of the CF.. All the kindness and help you have given them up to this date counts for nothing and he had the cheek to blank you. That is just bullying.

Hi everyone

Sorry, not been on in a whiles, work has been pretty full on and I've just been too shattered to do anything more than lurk.

Thankyou all so much for all your kind words and the advice, it's really helped me to stand up for myself, colleague asked me to babysit the four DC next week, again for a full day to allow her to do a training course which is work related, I will admit I did find myself almost agreeing, but then I remembered just how used I've been and just refused.

Colleague then said, and this really annoyed me, "But with the amount DH earns it would be annoying and unfair for him to take the day off, I know babysitting four DC all day and then having to do an evening shift is a lot Zukie so I was going to ask boss to give you that day off"

WTF!! I do only work part time, but what if there was overtime going and I fancied doing it! So I just said No, I'm not looking after your kids that day, or any other day, so please don't ask me again. I was shaking afterwards, but I'm glad I said it, might not seem much of an issue, but I did feel quite proud of myself, as I've never been any good at saying No when people have asked me to do things for them.

She's been rather off and quite snappy with me since, and keeps saying how much money her DH will lose, maybe hoping I'll relent, but knowing I have all the support of you lovely mumsnetters will see me through

With regards to DD, the last blood tests were fine, but she's still in a lot of pain so they're repeating them this week, and we'll take it from there.

This post is longer than I intended, thanks for reading!

Well done!!! It's never easy so sending
Fingers crossed that there's good news for your dd too.

zukie you are such a star! You've done so very well and CF colleague ought to take a long hard look at herself.
Massive well done to you. (and on the day she wanted you to babysit, think of how well you have done and buy yourself an ice cream. other treats are available

Good on you OP Don't give in. She is being totally unreasonable.

'Well if he earns so much paying for childcare shouldn't be an issue then?'

Good on you for standing strong OP!

Well done for not crumbling under pressure from her.

Hope that’s the end of her asking you for favours.

Well bloody done!!

Have you spoken to your boss about not taking instructions from her regarding your working hours?! That's the cheekiest bit by far.

But love schoolmoneys reply - if he earns so much they can easily afford childcare! Sooo bloody true.

Hope your dd feels better soon

Thankyou everyone!

Could never have managed without all the support I get on here

Thankyou all too for all your kind wishes regarding DD, really means a lot

Ha Ha SchoolMoney

Never thought of that!

They couldn't possibly pay for childcare when they can get it for free!

I googled, and the going rate for babysitting round here seems to be £12/14 per hour

So I calculate that they owe me over £500

That is so shocking that someone would be that entitled! If her dh earns so much they can afford a CM or to pay a babysitter.

Well done OP for standing your ground.

Hope you and your dd are doing ok

I hope your dd gets some results so she can treat the pain.
I would go to your boss and make it clear you aren't a babysitter so can they disregard any requests she has made about your rota.

So they expect you to actually subsidise their life by providing FREE childcare for 4 kids? Biggest CFs ever!!! Easy to believe they didn't give you a ride home and now ate blanking you!!!!!!

You are WELL RID!

So glad you stood up for yourself!!!

Yes, I'm going to talk to the boss and tell her I am not the babysitter, and to discuss my hours with me alone.

CF Colleague can find another mug to do it, and her and her DH can sort out their work rotas themselves

so I was going to ask boss to give you that day off"

the cheeky fucker!

Oh, did you have the little chat with your boss about asking YOU instead of going by her say so?

I'm glad you stood up for yourself, well done!

:D crosspost!

Well done zukie! I’m glad that you didn’t give in and stood up for yourself. She really is a CF!

I hope that your daughters health improves x

Also tell the boss that if the cheeky fucker asks her to give another person a day off then she should refuse to do so. She'll latch onto another poor mug at work to provide her with babysitting. You should warn your colleagues what she's like so they are not caught out by her.