Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be fucking pissed off

163 replies

MrsMaxwell · 10/03/2018 20:55

I dunno if I am being a princess here.

DH Mum is a cow, he openly admits it, she never sends bday or xmas cards to us or his kids and never bothers to visit us or show any interest in us or his kids.

He sent her flowers and a card for mother’s day.

His ex wife is a dick and we are currently going for custody of the kids and social care are involved. Today I took them to get a Mother’s day card and gift for her (for them). I (happily) do a lot for them.

My birthday this week. He didn’t organise a card for me from his kids (lovely gift from him).

AIBU to want him to encourage the kids to appreciate me a teeny tiny bit (I would have been thrilled with a card).

Sad
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 11/03/2018 13:41

Eternal gratitude GrinGrin

I just thought it would’ve been nice if they got me a birthday card.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 11/03/2018 13:43

Trying to get appreciation from people is a totally thankless task. They either appreciate you or they don't. And people have different ways of showing appreciation and affection. It's not all about cards and flowers and gifts.

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 11/03/2018 13:44

Constantly pissed off with the situation - not the children.

Get flamed for doing nothing and get flamed for doing something. Get flamed for leaving them with their neglectful parent, get flamed for trying to remove them.

Here is a place I sometimes vent about the total crap and frustrating situation we are in.

OP posts:
blastomama · 11/03/2018 13:44

It would've been nice, if they had wanted to do so. They didn't. And considering everything else those poor children have to deal with, it's a very odd thing for you to get "fucking pissed off" about.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 11/03/2018 13:46

11 and 13 are old enough to buy gifts if they want to.

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 11/03/2018 13:47

Constantly pissed off with the situation

Isn’t that enough of a clue that you shouldn’t be in the situation?

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 11/03/2018 13:47

Ok I’ll divorce their dad then Hmm

OP posts:
NotAllTimsWearCapes · 11/03/2018 13:47

11 and 13 are old enough to buy gifts if they want to.

They don’t get pocket money so couldn’t if they wanted to.

blastomama · 11/03/2018 13:48

You choose to be in this situation, they do not. You could leave it behind at any time, these are neglected children who cannot.

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 11/03/2018 13:48

Or you could have listened to everyone telling you not to marry him in the first place but you didn’t. You’d rather do it then whinge about it .

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 11/03/2018 13:50

We can’t afford to give them pocket money consistently and they chose to have phones instead of pocket money.

OP posts:
YellowMakesMeSmile · 11/03/2018 13:52

Constantly pissed off with the situation

Then leave. Those children are going through a rough time at present, they may have to leave their mum, their dad works away and their step mum obviously resents them yet your main concern is they didn't get you a card? Says it all.

blastomama · 11/03/2018 13:53

if you are the poster I think you are then you can't be surprised at how all this turned out.
I get that you are frustrated but you need to own your choices and stop blaming the children, they have much bigger problems than their step mothers birthday card, and so does your husband.

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 11/03/2018 13:55

I don’t resent them.

Everyone who knows me in RL knows I love them and have a great relationship with them, as PPs have said, they are teenagers and just didn’t think about it.

I was just pissed off about it last night, probably more pissed off about him sending his mother flowers as she does absolutely nothing for him and doesn’t bother with the kids at all.

OP posts:
blastomama · 11/03/2018 13:56

they aren't teenagers though, are they? Well one barely is, the other is years off. They are children, very troubled children.

Nikephorus · 11/03/2018 13:57

Am I reading this wrong? Only you're complaining that you didn't get a card from them because DH didn't chase them up (even though they're old enough to do it themselves) yet you did get a text from one and DH had prompted the other to send one too (and it was her decision not to)? DH isn't a problem - he got you a fab gift AND tried to get his kids to remember your birthday in the way that kids these days seem to prefer - by text. Obviously DSD2 didn't want to bother so she wouldn't have been bothered to sort a card either. And DSD1 did remember your birthday.
I fail to see what the problem is here.

shallichangemyname · 11/03/2018 14:00

OP I get you. You are just having a vent. You're not expecting them to be grateful that you're prepared to take them on full time. You're not complaining about your situation. You were just hoping that they and their father would recognise and treat you as a significant person in their lives by getting you a birthday card. I would expect the father to acknowledge your role and his/their appreciation of you with a card or even a small gift. I just came out of a step parenting relationship. MIL used to always organise a card and gift from the younger DSCs. If she hadn't, I think he would have. As for the older ones, one of them would always give me a card and the other would always ignore the event because she didn't like me. For my part I always gave the older ones their own cards and presents from me, separate to their father's. I just felt it was the right thing to do. I didn't care so much about one of the adult DSCs ignoring my birthday, after all she never lived with me, but I appreciated being recognised by the younger ones and would have been disappointed if they had done nothing. It's just about a bit of appreciation and their DF should be setting them a good example by taking them out to buy a card for you.
He did ask them to message you though, so it's not all bad on his part.

listsandbudgets · 11/03/2018 14:00

OP Im sorry it must feel hard amd you must be so worried about them tp consoder the huge changes in your life custody will bring. whrn they are older they may appreciate that but right now they are probably struggling with all sorts of emotions and perhaps they just dont have the head space for appreciation.

As a child of divorced parents I would also add that they may fear waves of resentment from their mum if they do anything nice for you. I did. I was so scared of hurting her and I only needed to feel that resentment once to be very careful in the future... and that was without a major custody battle raging in rhe background.

Sorry OP but tough for everyone

YellowMakesMeSmile · 11/03/2018 14:02

if you are the poster I think you are then you can't be surprised at how all this turned out

Just realised who this could be too, if it is the same poster then no wonder there's no card.

NewImprovedNinja · 11/03/2018 14:03

Gosh, there are some nasty bitchy folk on these threads lately. Hmm
OP, I hear you.
I love my step sons but they were virtually grown up when I came along and it was tricky negotiating a path for us all. Once they got past about 25yrs, things massively improved and they're wonderful young men with partners and even a grandson. Chances are, the recognition will happen eventually.

Original poster
MrsMaxwell · 11/03/2018 14:04

shallichangemyname

Thank you it is this exactly Flowers

OP posts:
Lemonnaise · 11/03/2018 14:12

Gosh, there are some nasty bitchy folk on these threads lately

Yeah agreed. I don't even think they have a valid opinion. They read the OP and just want to disagree and act superior. How on earth can someone who goes above and beyond for some-one else's children be so berated for wishing for a birthday card from themConfused?

blastomama · 11/03/2018 14:14

I fear you have missed the point entirely.

Sad that you think its "going above and beyond" as well.

Oblomov18 · 11/03/2018 14:17

I too think OP has been given a hard time. A birthday card or even a text isn't too much to ask, but the dsd couldn't be bothered!! To even send a text? Very telling! We all want to be appreciated.

blastomama · 11/03/2018 14:23

A birthday card or even a text isn't too much to ask, but the dsd couldn't be bothered!! To even send a text? Very telling! We all want to be appreciated

You really don't know the back story here, if you did I don't think you would say that.