Thankful for having the strength to have a natural birth - does this make you feel anything?

[TuscanMum]

The lady in question was saying that she was thankful to God for having the strength to have a natural birth, but that’s not really why I’m asking.

A lady on instagram posted this.

It’s annoyed me because, having had two c sections, the implication is that I must be weak. I know her post was nothing to do with me, she doesn’t know me, but I can’t really explain why it’s irked me. I probably need to get out more!

I believe all women should be congratulated, however they give birth.

Tell me to pipe down and I’ll shuffle along😳

Is this irritating or is it me?

Dc and i are alive as a direct result of crash cs and skilled clinicians.
For that I am thankful

I had 3 sections. Laboured during the first one with breech baby before emergency section, then planned sections for the other two. I am in awe of people who have gone through labour and delivered naturally. I couldn't do it.

I was unluckly, I managed through 20 hours of induced contractions on gas and air (epidural didn't work) to reach 10 cms, but before I even got the chance to push ds's heartbeat dropped and I was rushed to theatre for an emcs under ga.

So, should I feel the opposite of proud, ashamed and weak, because I didn't do it? I was ready and willing, I'd put in the hours, but either me or ds let the side down? Actually ds really let the side down as he wasn't breathing on his own for the first 25 minutes and spent a few days in special care.

I think its ok to say you think the human body is amazing that it can make, deliver another human being, but to say your are proud to deliver naturally because of mostly pure luck in your or your baby's biology is offensive to other mothers.

Pengg

Oh yes I do agree her DH should see her as a hero definitely, but because she gave birth (because I think that makes us ALL heroes).

NOT because she did it without pain relief. That does not make someone any better than anyone else. All it seems to me is they had an easier and smoother birth, which is great for them of course! But doesn't make them heroic.

Weallhavewings

Sounds EXACTLY like my first birth. Feel exactly the same way.

Personally, I am thankful for medical science for enabling the CS that saved the life of both me and my DS.

I absolutely admire my friends who have had natural, unassisted deliveries, but they like me recgonise that there is a huge element of luck involved in labor and delivery. I don't like the implication that women who have natural deliveries are strong in a way that other women are not.

OP here, good to read a range of responses and views.

I also had the dreaded ‘you’re too posh to push’ said to me after my second csection. It really hurt me at the time. Said women almost died giving birth to her third child a year later so I doubt she’d say that again to another woman.

Think it’s great to privately feel proud of however you gave birth, but to declare it on social media is smug -consensus from here anyhow.

To the husband’s birth announcement mentioned upthread 🤮🤮🤮

Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having however much pain relief you want, but if you don't want it, and manage not to accept any, is that not something to evoke pride?

That's stupid - if someone went through a root canal without pain relief, I wouldn't be in awe, I'd think they were an idiot.

What's with putting people down - all these people saying "I'm proud because I turned down an epidural and had it NATURALLY with only gas and air". Pretty sure gas and air is also not "natural". Medicine has advanced in the 21st century, why not take advantage of that to give yourself the easiest time possible.

If I ever get pregnant, I will be drugged up to the eyeballs for labour.

It would annoy me. You’re not better than me because you gave birth

Insufferable

I do wonder what happens to people who think like this if they need an emcs. Do they quietly recant or start going on thatcthey were coerced.

The easiness or not of a birth is nothing to do with your strength, your worth or how many techniques you’ve learned. Itscthe interaction between how the baby sits on the day and your anatomies.

A person with full placenta Previa or a transverse lie isn’t going to breathe a baby out, they’ll need intervention. You know, to survive.

The only appropriate response is ‘haha, said no qualified OB/GYN ever’ or if you’re feeling particularly arsed, a query as to why the good lord sees fit to grant strength to some and kill other babies at birth.

Utter claptrap, offensive to anyone whose given birth via whatever means.

It’s a completely crass thing to post on social media.

I do feel quite pleased with my body for giving me an easy birth. I think this is mostly because I have an intense self loathing about my physicality - I really do disgust myself.

The one time I felt like my body was “right” was pregnancy and birth - both a total piece of piss for me.

Anyway position almost immediately reversed after the birth when feeding went to shit and crippling PND set in.

I thank God for c sections. Without one dd1 would have died. Dd2 may have got stuck. Dd3 was a planned section.

I’d think that person was pretty naive. I’ve given birth 3 times and each been a very different experience.

I think you can only be proud of something you were in control of. I am proud of my academic and career achievements. I am proud of my children. I am no less proud of my crash section than I am of my vaginal birth. The section was far far tougher (not just the recovery but the cord prolapse and subsequent intervention prior to surgery under general anaesthetic). I am not proud that I pushed my first child out the natural way but I am proud of her for the person she has become.

How you give birth depends, to a large extent, on luck of the draw. It's like being proud that you've won the lottery really.

I'm so pleased that with one of my births I was able to enjoy it and experience it as I wanted, but that could apply to a vaginal birth with no drugs or one with all the drugs, or an elected CS.

And while I'm pleased I acknowledge it has nothing to do with strength either physical or mental.

That would annoy me too.

YoloSwaggins

I certainly wasn't putting anybody down. But I am not an idiot because I didn't accept (much) pain relief. I wanted to be in control of my body as far as possible (didn't want an epidural or pethidine for that reason). That's not idiocy, just a personal choice, thanks.

@Alabama3
Pride is a good emotion it's affirming, it's just insensitive to say it out loud because of how your feelings can make others feel.
I feel proud of the fact I've raised a dog to old age, of my driving and diy skills.
But apparently I don't give birth naturally because I had pain relief, hell why wouldn't you?!
to anyone who's been made to feel bad by this thread. Actually to us all!

It's a bit wanky. There appears to be a huge amount of luck involved with birth. I've known people who are very unfit and not at all strong be able to virtually sneeze birth.

GreenMeerkat

I don't think I'm the arbiter of what makes someone heroic, but I disagree with you that he can't see her as heroic because she coped without pain relief. That's just his opinion and he isn't - as far as I can see - comparing her to other women.

Can't speak for anyone else, but from personal experience I know that the variation in pain levels between two births - even for the same woman - can be VAST. The pain I experienced with dd1 was unspeakable. With dd2 I barely made it to hospital, because I thought that level of pain was what labour was "like" and didn't reckon the pains I was having was anywhere near it. So it doesn't "evoke pride" that I did without pain relief that time. I know how different it can be.

It's a ridiculous comment. I had 2 natural births, not because I was strong but because there were no major complications. If I could have given up halfway through I probably would have at the time....but that's not a choice that you get!

I was very thankful (not to GOD, to ME. god didn’t do it) for being such a total hard arse champion through my births. I was AMAZING.

I had 2 crash sections. Take that stupid Instagram women who thinks pushing a baby out is hard work.

differenteverytime

No one is saying anyone has to feel proud of themselves. But there is nothing wrong with feeling proud, provided you don't make comparative comments with others' experiences, in my opinion.

Well I was very scared and at times I didn’t think I could get through the birth (obviously there’s not really an option to give up half way!) so immediately after I was proud. I was also complimented by the mw for keeping my head and following her instructions when things got a bit spicey. So yes, I was proud in the first day or so. But that doesn’t in any way affect how I felt about other women and their experiences. It’s also not something I’d mention now or even thought about after the immediate aftermath.

I was also very pleased I was able to have my baby naturally, although not an easy birth really. 45 hours of labour, tears, stitches, blood transfusion and an infection for me.
However, should my baby have needed it, obviously I absolutely would not have hesitated about a section. Having them here safe at the end is the most important thing!