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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Thankful for having the strength to have a natural birth - does this make you feel anything?

326 replies

TuscanMum · 10/03/2018 16:18

The lady in question was saying that she was thankful to God for having the strength to have a natural birth, but that’s not really why I’m asking.

A lady on instagram posted this.

It’s annoyed me because, having had two c sections, the implication is that I must be weak. I know her post was nothing to do with me, she doesn’t know me, but I can’t really explain why it’s irked me. I probably need to get out more!

I believe all women should be congratulated, however they give birth.

Tell me to pipe down and I’ll shuffle along😳

Is this irritating or is it me?

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 10/03/2018 16:51

GreenMeerkat

She didn't call herself a hero. That's how her husband sees her. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If my DH hadn't felt proud after watching me push an 8lb person out of my fanny, he'd have been in in deep, deep trouble.

Carouselfish · 10/03/2018 16:53

'Thankful' - eye roll
'Blessed' - vomit.
Anything that implies you think some magical power has specifically shined down on you out of all others is fairly nauseating. Lucky is still appropriate if you're religious because you're just lucky you weren't on God's unblessed list for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

I did the natural birth. All I feel about it is, 'well, tried that. That wasn't much fun. Won't be doing it again.'

MrsWinklepicker · 10/03/2018 16:54

PS isn't it God's fault that labour hurts so much..... still nice that he helped this woman out with some strength.

Trampire · 10/03/2018 16:54

YANBU op. I totally get the irritation.

I won't bore anyone with my birth story, but when one of my friends DH's did a text announcement of their child 1 month later he said

"my amazing wife managed on only a whiff of gas and air. Now that's what a call a real woman!"

It floored me.

It's like when people talk about Cancer. My Dad died just over a year ago of bowel cancer. He was the fittest, strongest, bravest person I knew - reading regularly about people
"not giving in to cancer"
"Not letting Cancer win"
"Being a fighter"

Etc. It makes it sound like my Dad was somehow a weak person for letting it overwhelm him. Of course, no-one's actually saying this about my Dad but it's how I respond to it :(

user838383 · 10/03/2018 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anneoneill · 10/03/2018 16:57

If their biggest source of pride is a fluke of nature, it tells me a lot about them.

Pengggwn · 10/03/2018 16:58

boopsy

It may be what people 'just do' and you may not have a choice, but it is a very painful, difficult thing to do, so if you get through it feeling like you managed well, why isn't that something to be proud of?

BakedBeans47 · 10/03/2018 16:59

I’d think “oh do fuck off you smug twat”

And I had 2 x VB.

YassQueen · 10/03/2018 17:01

I didn't feel any pride in having a vaginal birth. I was relieved, but only because I was terrified at the thought of an epidural and a catheter for a c-section.

I was quite proud of myself for managing induction without epidural, but that's only because the woman in the bed opposite was trying to scare me and told me I'd definitely need an epidural and I'd be screaming as soon as they put the drip in, but I laboured very quietly and didn't need the epidural. I did feel a bit smug walking past her the next day as she was tethered to the bed but that was mostly hormones.

I think women who have c-sections are hard as nails for having major surgery and caring for a baby. As for people who say it's "not giving birth"... pshh. There was a baby inside your body that is now outside your body; however it's come out, you've still given birth to it.

If the "natural birth experience" was so amazing and must-have, they'd be selling vouchers for it on Virgin Experience Days.

wrapsuperstar · 10/03/2018 17:02

I didn’t ‘manage’ natural delivery with either of my children — lots of good reasons, still made me sad that I couldn’t give birth naturally. However, my own experience and baggage about it doesn’t mean I feel the urge to get all precious about other people feeling proud of the great feat they achieved with their body. Childbirth is an astonishing thing (and the fact that it’s something we’ve done since the beginning of time doesn’t stop me marvelling about it!)

RebootYourEngine · 10/03/2018 17:02

I dont feel anything about having a natural birth.

I do however wonder why people choose to have a c section when they dont need one. I feel that they put your body through a lot. Sometimes bed bound for a few days, no heavy lifting, risk of wound infection or no driving for 6 weeks.

DeltaG · 10/03/2018 17:05

Can't understand the 'pride' here - there is nothing to be proud of, it's down to luck. Would you be feel proud of winning the lottery? Same thing; no skill or strength involved.

davidbyrneswhitesuit · 10/03/2018 17:05

I had my DCs vaginally, with no pain relief.

I can't bear the use of the word "natural" birth rather than vaginal, and I'm not remotely proud of myself for doing it - I'm a bit surprised that I DID do it, as there was no advance plan, but I think I've just been very lucky in the combination of how my body seems to labour and my babies' size and positioning, etc.

I would think anyone posting that message was completely self-obsessed and tactless.

mistermagpie · 10/03/2018 17:05

I had two vaginal births. One was terrifying, one was genuinely amazing. Neither were anything to do with 'strength' and the amazing one was entirely down to luck and good timing.

I'm actually impressed with the women I know who have had C Sections, almost all of them talk of it like it was quite straightforward, but I know it's major surgery and the recovery can be long and painful. I'm quite scared of 'medical' things so would be a wreck at the prospect.

All babies are wonderful though, doesn't matter one bit how they were conceived or delivered.

Frogletmamma · 10/03/2018 17:05

had an emergency c section after 9 days on the labour ward being induced. By the time she came (14 days late) I was thankful to God that she was still alive and couldn't have cared less how she got into the world or what drugs I had to take.

DeltaG · 10/03/2018 17:06

@ anneoneil - absolutely!

Doryismyname · 10/03/2018 17:10

Women who spout this stuff are just putting other women down. They might as well say ‘I am already a better mother than you because I gave birth naturally’. Then it will be ‘I love breastfeeding and bonding with my baby who sleeps like a dream’ and ‘so blessed my baby will only eat organic food’. Do people like this ever take a moment to listen to themselves. Just bore off.

Soubriquet · 10/03/2018 17:11

I'm extremely proud that I managed to do it naturally with only using gas and air.

I'm terrible with pain and my very petite size had people doubting I would give birth naturally.

However all women should be praised for delivering their babies no matter how they do it. Naturally, epidural, c-section... it's the baby that's important not how its born

PilatesSuck · 10/03/2018 17:11

To be fair i would just roll my eyes or reply how thankful I was that the doctors were there with ventouse and forceps!

It takes more than strength to give birth, however it happens. A lot of luck and good support too. I would just think her very lucky and naive from the comment, not that you or anyone else needing medicsl help were weak.

LokiBear · 10/03/2018 17:12

I had a natural birth and refused all drugs....because I was waiting to get to the point where they would grant me that wonderful thing called an epidural and I knew if I gave in an accepted the other crap they were offering I wouldn't get it. I left it too late (second baby) and had no other option but to deliver without pain relief. I think anyone who thinks they are special because they had a natural birth is an idiot. If you are lucky enough to deliver a healthy baby then that is all that matters. I had one epidural, a miscarriage and a natural, sans drugs birth. The epidural birth was by far the nicest.

BakedBeans47 · 10/03/2018 17:12

Can't understand the 'pride' here - there is nothing to be proud of, it's down to luck. Would you be feel proud of winning the lottery? Same thing; no skill or strength involved.

Agreed.

Alabama3 · 10/03/2018 17:13

If the "natural birth experience" was so amazing and must-have, they'd be selling vouchers for it on Virgin Experience Days.

snort!

YaBasic · 10/03/2018 17:15

I'd think she was deluded. I had a natural birth and was the opposite of thankful. Had fuck all to do with strength and women pedalling that shit need to look at themselves because they add to the misconceptions surrounding birth and what constitutes a 'good' birth with the result that other women pay the price physically and emotionally.

Doryismyname · 10/03/2018 17:17

Given the state of my pelvic floor I have some regrets about my natural deliveries. This ladies smugness might mean that she ends peeing herself everytime she coughs or sneezes

differenteverytime · 10/03/2018 17:18

Makes me think she's not experienced it the other way. My dd2 was born vaginally with no pain relief, and from my POV it was a walk in the park compared to the undiagnosed breech, induction, epidural for horrific pain and emergency Caesarean I had for dd1. Somebody else might experience it differently. If one is religiously-minded then it does make sense to give thanks for having the strength to give birth, but Instagram lady's way of putting it sounds more about being smug about herself than thankful to God.

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