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AIBU?

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Original poster

Thankful for having the strength to have a natural birth - does this make you feel anything?

326 replies

TuscanMum · 10/03/2018 16:18

The lady in question was saying that she was thankful to God for having the strength to have a natural birth, but that’s not really why I’m asking.

A lady on instagram posted this.

It’s annoyed me because, having had two c sections, the implication is that I must be weak. I know her post was nothing to do with me, she doesn’t know me, but I can’t really explain why it’s irked me. I probably need to get out more!

I believe all women should be congratulated, however they give birth.

Tell me to pipe down and I’ll shuffle along😳

Is this irritating or is it me?

OP posts:
blastomama · 10/03/2018 16:34

I think everyone is well within their right to feel proud if they've had a natural birth

Why proud? It's just luck. What is to be proud of? Happy about it, sure. Thankful for it. But proud? Doesn't make sense.

ElBandito · 10/03/2018 16:34

I would channel my inner Lady Catherine de Bourgh if someone dared say this to me i.e. “I would have been brilliant at natural child birth had I been able to have my child that way.”

DryHeave · 10/03/2018 16:34

I laboured for hours, kneeling. My legs were jelly by the end of it.

Elementtree · 10/03/2018 16:36

Proud?

No just acutely aware of how vulnerable I felt and grateful that I'd got though it without any complications.

Lifeaback · 10/03/2018 16:37

No type of birth takes more strength than any other- it is not easy for any female, regardless of the circumstances, and strength in birth comes in many different forms. I agree that all women should be congratulated and proud regardless of how they gave birth, there is a set of challenges which need to be overcome however you give birth. I hate goady posts like this with a passion, they are so belittling. best just to ignore these types of people and move on, you know yourself that through carrying your baby and then recovering from a huge operation like a c-section as well as overcoming its emotional hurdles, you have done something amazing and just as strong as she has.

GreenMeerkat · 10/03/2018 16:37

I had two emergency c sections. First was after 29 hours of extremely painful hormone induced labour, at which point DD got stuck, got into distress, heart stopped and had to be rushed to theatre.

Second, I developed an awful uterine infection which induced a false labour. I was having contractions every few seconds, rushed to delivery to discover I hadn't even started dilating. Rushed to theatre again. DD born and immediately hooked up to super strength antibiotics, which were very touch and go for a while as she didn't respond at first.

So, I am mighty damn proud I was strong enough to give birth to two babies under extreme duress.

It's only ever women who've had uncomplicated labours and births that seem to shout it from the rooftops that they gave birth naturally with no pain relief. Well good for you, here is a shiny medal.

Storminateapot · 10/03/2018 16:38

I did but I don't feel particularly proud or strong, It was just the way it worked out for me. It was incredibly painful and I felt horribly out of control if anything.

Ddssdd · 10/03/2018 16:38

any*

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 10/03/2018 16:40

Massively irritating. Unless she did it in truly exceptional circumstances, she was just lucky. Another one here who was lucky enough to have a natural birth didn't feel like that at the time

userabcname · 10/03/2018 16:41

Well I gave birth "naturally" (didn't feel bloody natural to me) and I feel like quite a failure tbh. Were it not for a lot of medical intervention, I wouldn't have managed it and probably would have died. The fact I managed to push him out in the end doesn't feel like that much of an achievement.

Bellamuerte · 10/03/2018 16:41

YANBU. Why would you be proud of being fortunate enough to have no medical complications that required surgery? Should I be proud of myself for being fortunate enough not to need a heart transplant?

Alabama3 · 10/03/2018 16:42

sorry @Trailedanderror i didnt mean to be rude

Ok, if i turn it around, would you not feel as 'proud' if you had got in to difficulties and needed a c-section?

What i meant was its a natural thing we do, if we're lucky, we get to have a natural birth without intervention, if we are not lucky we need help to get them out - Surely the whole thing like i said above is what we should be 'proud' about

RedGrapeCornSnake · 10/03/2018 16:42

Pissed off and I'd roll my eyes at the smuggery

But then I had some judgy bitch tell me to my face that I must have been 'too posh to push' DC2. Umm, nope, actually it was a medically advised c section before I even went into labour, but thanks for the judgement

Major abdominal surgery plus a newborn is no walk in the park, I'm just very grateful that it's an option, without it so many maternal and neonate lives would have been lost.

GreenMeerkat · 10/03/2018 16:44

RedGrape, if anyone said I was too posh to push to my face I think they'd discover soon after, just how posh I ain't 😂

Mintylemons · 10/03/2018 16:44

It’s not within most people’s control though is it? If you develop complications and need to have a spinal, then forceps then maybe a c-section, it’s how it goes. I would def roll my eyes at this statement, not least for ‘thanking god’.

One of my friends recently was lauded online by her husband because ‘she was a real hero and didn’t have any pain relief’. Hmm

Pengggwn · 10/03/2018 16:46

One of my friends recently was lauded online by her husband because ‘she was a real hero and didn’t have any pain relief’. hmm

I really don't see how that warrants an eye roll. Can't he be proud of his wife, having watched her give birth without pain relief? Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having however much pain relief you want, but if you don't want it, and manage not to accept any, is that not something to evoke pride?

corythatwas · 10/03/2018 16:47

Well, I could have gone on labouring but my baby couldn't. Does that mean I can still be proud but that he shouldn't? Is there any way he should make it up to me? (Mother's Day looming...)

thenewaveragebear1983 · 10/03/2018 16:47

I may be wrong, but I thought the term ‘natural birth’ meant having no pain relief? As opposed to vaginal delivery. So I guess to give birth with no pain relief takes some sort of strength? Although anyone having a wisdom tooth out with no pain relief wouldn’t be seen as strong, it would be seen as a completely unnecessary torture to put oneself through.

FWIW I had my dd vaginally with no pain relief and it was the most horrific experience of my life and was not by choice let me tell you. I can still hear my screams, 14 years later. My two Ds I had by c-section. On my birth plan for Ds1 all it said was- I want ALL THE DRUGS.

My sister sent a round robin to the extended family at Christmas, detailing her delightful birth, no drugs, in the pool- the baby was 3 months old by this point, anyone who needed to know this story surely already knew it? Put me right off my turkey.....

LaContessaDiPlump · 10/03/2018 16:48

I never felt pride, but only acute relief at the fact that both my DC happened to fit through my pelvis (DS1 with his arm over his head, for which many thanks Hmm).

A friend of mine had an emergency C because her DD1 didn't fit (shoulders) and she was advised to have an elective C with her DS. Apparently the consultant made the incision, saw the size of the DS's shoulders, leaned over to my friend and said 'You made the right decision'. That gave me a chill when she told it - it could have gone so badly wrong if she'd gone for a VB. It's not the be-all and end-all, or even under our control most of the time.

Barbie222 · 10/03/2018 16:48

Ha! The hard bit starts when birth stops.

If you had a natural birth presumably nothing went wrong / critical so you had the light touch experience anyway?

GreenMeerkat · 10/03/2018 16:48

How does it make her a hero though?

My labour was unbearable (hormone induced) and I only had gas and air because the epidural (I gratefully accepted) failed! I wouldn't call myself a hero.

It just sounds superior to women who choose pain relief. It also creates a stigma that accepting pain relief = weakness which it shouldn't!

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2018 16:49

It doesn't matter how the baby arrives. The hard work is once the little bugger gets here.

So true! Grin Grin Grin

Blinkyblink · 10/03/2018 16:51

Two natural births

I have to say I felt bloody proud of myself and I did feel like a hero. I don’t give a hoot about birthing methods. I just know how I felt about natural birthing. And I felt like a goddess!

MrsWinklepicker · 10/03/2018 16:51

Just another example of making women feel crap if they don't manage to have a 'natural' birth.

I had 2 very straightforward, very quick labours. I'm not proud of it, I just realise how lucky I am that my body did it. Go me Hmm

BeyondThePage · 10/03/2018 16:51

I had one each way and don't believe in God anyhow.

So could not give any crap at all (shiny or otherwise) about how others gave birth.

We all have the strength to do whatever needs to be done in whatever situation we have been faced with - and EVEN THEN sometimes things don't turn out right.