Thankful for having the strength to have a natural birth - does this make you feel anything?

[TuscanMum]

The lady in question was saying that she was thankful to God for having the strength to have a natural birth, but that’s not really why I’m asking.

A lady on instagram posted this.

It’s annoyed me because, having had two c sections, the implication is that I must be weak. I know her post was nothing to do with me, she doesn’t know me, but I can’t really explain why it’s irked me. I probably need to get out more!

I believe all women should be congratulated, however they give birth.

Tell me to pipe down and I’ll shuffle along😳

Is this irritating or is it me?

I’m proud I felt I made the right decision for me and the baby and grateful that I had the opportunity to do so.
For me my choice was opting for an epidural and C section following a syntocin drip and maternal sepsis and a12 hour intense pain relief free labour.
Pride and feelings of strength should be derived from doing what’s right and medically sensible for you and your baby - whether that’s a ‘natural’ pain free birth or accepting intervention when it’s necessary.
I feel it’s sad that women often appear to be denied choice and are pushed into pain relief free births when they don’t want one.

Posted too soon because I dropped my phone on my face.

Anyway. Sister had two sections and I admired her for how well she coped. I don't think I would have.

I've never once thought men are better, kinder or less competitive than women, no.

I don’t think they’re better. I think they form alliances more.

I am secretly proud. I'd never be so thoughtless to say it outloud. Even more proud that I have a health baby. Reading that back though, people might be upset as their baby had or has health issues. Neither statements are meant to upset but I do genuinely feel proud. It's about me not others.

Something about new motherhood turns some people into idiots.

It also seems to turn some people so super-sensitive they feel got at when other people talk about their experiences.

Sometimes people are idiots; sometimes it’s to do with PND, diagnosed or undiagnosed, or just not feeling sure of ones choices.

In any case, it’s not helpful to locate the problem in other people, when the answer is within the self.

I secretly feel proud I had a natural birth, I secretly feel ashamed I "failed" at breastfeeding despite trying really hard.

It makes no sense because genuinely I believe both of these things are down to luck and circumstance more than anything else. There may be minor things you could have done differently to influence the outcome but ultimately what happens happens.

And yet I still do attach emotions to both. It's a weird society we live in.

You think men wouldn't be silly enough to have 'natural births', men arent competitive, men don't backstab- women do.

I don't like misogynists.

No ones being misogynistic. Men as a group tend to back each other up more. I’m not saying they’re better.

It’s becayse generally men support each other while generally women backstab other women

Course you're not saying they're better.

Urgh.

If only men could give birth they'd be no backstabbing or competitiveness. They'd raise each other up.

I’m not. I’m saying that men generally don’t do this one specific thing. Plenty of other shit they do!

I really don't understand why enduring pain is something to be aspired to? To the extent you are congratulating yourself on social media.
I am so proud of myself for having really terrible daily migraines and not taking my medication - go me!
Fucking competitive birthing is all it is.

Don’t see the problem. I had a natural first birth, I’ve never felt pain like it in my life and I felt very empowered afterwards, feeling like if I could cope with that I could cope with anything

I needed a C section for dc2 who also needed NICU and you know what, I felt incredibly thankful and happy that the medical technology exists to save babies like my dd.

The issue here is the posting on social media, not the actual feelings. You can’t stop someone else feeling empowered and proud of their own experience, and you shouldn’t see it as a reflection on your own experiences.

. If anything, they are stronger.

You see, that's just as bad, isn't it? Comparative statements aren't appropriate when it comes to how other women give birth.

No it's not. When you are told that you or your baby will die unless the baby gets out asap by c section, trust me, it takes an awful lot of strength. Not being able to see or hold your baby after birth because he/she is being resuscitated/taken for surgery minutes after birth. So don't tell me that a natural birth in a calm environment is more difficult than that.

Twofishfingers

Sorry about your difficult birth, but you are completely out of order telling women that having a particular type of birth make sense you stronger than they are. That's what this whole thread is about - you don't know how others experience the world, so stop commenting on it.

I had someone on FB who with her last DC wanted to be super eco parent on the year. Good on her, but it was like other DC didn't exist, all revolves around baby.

Not only that when pregnant there was hysterics when DC wasn't in the right position, transverse I think so due to risks I think it's a def section. It was the worst thing to happen ever.

As a section Mum I don't think it defines us as being better or worse in anyway. You could go through 2 days of natural, blissful labour only to need a section.

As long as baby comes out relatively ok unless pre-existing issues, then good job.

Scaring women about sections really isn't helpful in the least.

I don't know if you who did it the natural way feel like you achieved anything more. If that sensation of squeezing a watermelon through a 10p sized hole felt euphoric at all. Or if as soon as baby was there, like section Mum's, not forgetting tearing etc, your focus was on baby(s)

This really pisses me off. My own mother told me a few days after having DS by emergency c-section that I should consider a VBAC if we have another because it's something all women should experience and it's a "shame" that option was removed from me. I explained DS's heart rate plummeted so severely during labour that the alarm went off and I was whisked down for emergency section to save him and she countered with "they wouldn't have done that in my day. You were also born in distress and it was a bit touch and go with your breathing but they didn't rush decisions then".

I will comment on however I want thank you very much. That's what these boards are for. You are just one of those people who have an issue with people have different opinions than you.

As the OP has said, the initial comment implies that if you don't have a natural birth, you are not strong enough. Or God hasn't somehow chosen you to be strong enough. It is an utterly ridiculous statement to make.

Twofishfingers

But you're doing exactly the same thing. It isn't remotely that I have an issue with your opinion, but I have a massive issue with you making it public that you think you're stronger than other women because you had a c-section. You can say it all you like, but I can think it makes you sound like a dick all I like.

There’s multiple ways of being strong anyway.

I found having a natural birth incredibly empowering because I honestly felt afterwards that if I could mentally and physically handle that level of pain, I could cope with anything

When I had my c section with a spinal, it was nowhere near as painful as physically painful as Labour (though i wish they’d put the catheter in after the spinal!) However, recovery is no picnic, and having a baby in NICU, when all the other mums around you have their baby in a cot next to them made me discover reserves of emotional strength I didn’t know existed. I also felt in awe of the surgeon who performed the op, and the nurses in NICU for their skills- just as I felt in awe of the midwife who supported me to give birth naturally first time.

Different experiences, different kinds of strength. I would never claim either is better

I hate being judged for having a c section. But my baby was stuck, after 48 hours, there was no other option. I think women should be celebrating each other for any way we give birth. My recovery was hard. But women who give birth naturally have it hard afterward. We grow humans inside us FFS, we should all be smug!

One of my friends just had her 2nd DC in Mexico where CS births are very common. She fought & fought for a VBAC as she felt the decision was taken away from her with DC1. She had no medical need for a CS with DC1, it was the just the done thing, I think it’s very hospitalised there. She told me she felt very empowered by the experience as she felt more in control & made decisions.

As another poster said it hurts whichever way they come out.

I think it's very weird that some women feel they should be congratulated on having a 'natural' birth, not least because back when births were truly natural a fifth of women died during them.

Whichever way works for you, or is required by medical necessity, is best. Doesn't matter if you're lying in your own bed listening to enya and weaving yoghurt or in hospital with an epidural or having a c-section or requiring forceps or ANY other kind of birth. You still did it. You're still amazing. You still had a completely valid experience worthy of recognition. Birth shaming is stupid and unnecessary and benefits no-one.

“Naturally” birthed two babies just under 10lb each with no pain relief, and I still admire those have to endure a c section. It’s nothing to do with strength.
I’m just thankful I didn’t die and nor did my babies.
I think the amazing part is just creating and carrying a baby to be honest, but again it’s nothing to do with strength, women who lose their babies aren’t weak

YANBU @Tuscanmum

It's great if someone is pleased with themselves for managing a vaginal birth, but some people cannot do it, for various reasons. So women who have had only vaginal births, are no better than those who haven't.

And this 'Yeah I am a better mother than you/better person than you, because I pushed my baby out of my vagina and you didn't' attitude just makes people look like assholes.

All I think is ..... Fuck right off.

As someone said earlier in the thread, why be proud of something multiple millions of women all over the world do every year, and have done since the dawn of time? May as well say I am proud of that big shit I had this morning.

It also doesn't mean you're better than me if you had a baby without pain relief. Whoop de fucking do for you! People saying that can fuck right off too. Smug twats.

It's also a massive pile of utter bollocks that a woman who has a C-section cannot bond with the baby. It's something people tell themselves to make themselves feel superior.

Women who have C-sections and have never had a vaginal birth, can be VERY smug about one certain thing though. Something I will not mention on here as it may sound bitchy. I think you can all probably guess what it is.