Thankful for having the strength to have a natural birth - does this make you feel anything?

[TuscanMum]

The lady in question was saying that she was thankful to God for having the strength to have a natural birth, but that’s not really why I’m asking.

A lady on instagram posted this.

It’s annoyed me because, having had two c sections, the implication is that I must be weak. I know her post was nothing to do with me, she doesn’t know me, but I can’t really explain why it’s irked me. I probably need to get out more!

I believe all women should be congratulated, however they give birth.

Tell me to pipe down and I’ll shuffle along😳

Is this irritating or is it me?

I’m proud of getting through my “natural” birth & my semi elective C section, they were both hard!

Her pride in her birth is none of your business. Not directed at you, not a criticism of you.

I had 3x 10lb babies, vaginally and with no pain relief. I felt - feel - like a rockstar. I had no idea that I could push myself through such pain, I felt invincible. I’m incredibly proud of myself and will always be so. The fact that someone else didn’t have the same experience doesn’t negate the pride I have in mine.

I completed my first triathlon last year, barely getting round but finishing it. My friend, who is 40lbs heavier than me, kicked my arse. She wasn’t far off winning her age group. I swear she has no lactic acid in her legs...she was beside herself with pride. As she should have been! Just because I/ my body wasn’t capable of the physical feat that my friend was, shouldn’t detract from how fantastically she did.

I'm greatful of all 3 of my births. Gas and air, vaginal, no instruments needed, no tears, graizes or stitches on any if them. I could use the toilet immediately, walk around straight away and wasn't sore or uncomfortable.
I'm greatful for this because I have friends who've had c sections , forceps, epostomys and countless stitches. Quite frankly it all sounds brutal. I'll always be greatful I had an easy time all 3 times. I take my hat off to anyone who had a tough delivery and recovery. I appriciate I've been lucky.

I have found people love to tell about bad experiences to anyone who will listen. For this reason I've always kept mine to myself as not to come across smug. I'm not a smug person. It's all down to luck. But people would judge regardless.

I suffer from low self esteem and can sometimes tip into depression. Secretly I bloody amazed I managed to give birth 'naturally' and breastfeed my DCs, I have to remind myself I did that and no one can take that away from me. It helps me when I'm low.

However I'd never say this out loud to anyone, everyone should be proud of themselves however they gave birth or whatever they've done. My very close friend sadly can't have children, instead after years of heartbreak she has reconciled herself to that fact and her business is now her 'baby'. She's massively prod of what she's achieved and there's no reason why she shouldn't be.

Everyone's different and we should celebrate this not compare

This annoys e. Someone being proud does not mean they are looking down on anyone else. Maybe they had been petrified of giving birth, maybe they have a low pain threshold or any other umber of things. It has duck all to do with judging anyone else.

HA! I bet in her head at least once she begged God to make her natural birth stop!

So this strength she talks about, well we could all say we were strong when actually we cried like babies, cursed the world and wished there was some other way to get the baby out.

Justanotherzombie

Jeez. Like speaking for people much?

I'm not proud of natural birth but I am grateful that it worked out for me that way because my recovery was faster and easier than those who have c sections.
Who posts stuff about their birth on social media though??

Pride in your own achievements is different to denigrating other people's experiences or misunderstanding your own part in something. Be proud of what YOU did yes but don't filter it to hurt other people.

The 10k/triathlon comparison is utterly flawed unless you are signed up to the event with no choice, you have no knowledge of the route or challenges, it carries a significant risk of surgery and blood loss and your body forces you through it regardless of your preferences.

And @nowater34 Make the right decisions for you & be happy with them then others peoples experiences shouldn’t make you feel bad ?? The point is that you don't get a choice with labour/delivery at all and sometimes it's the very opposite of your hopes. And it's not people's experiences that hurt but their comparisons and judgements.

My midwife asked me whether I had a birth plan. I said: yes, that DS and I get through this safely.

It has honestly never occurred to me to be proud of having a vaginal birth. How is that supposed to be “better” than a c-section? What a load of bollocks.

My mother lost her baby she gave birth to a still born boy. I was just thankful my children arrived safely into the world. I wouldn’t careless how they got here to be honest and I certainly don’t judge other mothers.

ShowOfHands Maybe I misunderstood but did she say that if you didn’t give birth like me then you shouldn’t be proud? Was she judging those who chose c-sections? How does one share their experiences without others making a comparison?

I’ve never felt judged for having a semi elective CS but if someone did it behind my back who gives a shit. I don’t feel bad about it. I can’t go into labour naturally so was/will never be able to have a water birth. My close friend who had a water birth at home felt proud,did her experience make me feel worse? No. I’m proud I breastfeed for 5 months, my friend who bf for 1 year is proud, does she judge me? No.

How does one share their experiences without others making a comparison

Most people manage.

Anyone is free to post 'god gave me the strength to have a natural birth' but rest assured, many people will think you're an arse.

No water who is "she"?

People have posted many, many opinions and comments. Some people are proud of their own situations. As I said, that is fine. Some are denigrating other people's situations. That is not fine. I was making the point that they are different things. "I'm proud of having a drug free delivery" is different to "I'm proud I did the best for my baby and didn't give in and have intervention". It's value laden.

And the reason I namechecked you was to comment on your "choice" statement. It's not a choice most of the time.

How does one share their experiences without others making a comparison?

You aren't in control of other people making comparisons. It's when you make the comparisons yourself in order to champion your own experiences.

Anyone is free to post 'god gave me the strength to have a natural birth' but rest assured, many people will think you're an arse. Perhaps she is very religious, I’m in agreement that she sounds like a a hole but the fact that God didn’t give me the strength for natural labour, I begged, pleaded & bribed for pain relief doesn’t make me feel less.

There are some confusing feelings around childbirth. Nobody is proud to have wisdom teeth extracted without anaesthetic, or keeps troublesome tonsils because that is more natural than 'intervention'.

Some people have the birth they want, others don't. Sometimes things go wrong. I don't think there needs to be a pass/fail judgement attached to it.

No water who is "she"?

the social media influencer/poster person.

I think it’s does take strength to carry a baby, birth (however it is) & care for.

Nobody is proud to have wisdom teeth extracted without anaesthetic, or keeps troublesome tonsils because that is more natural than 'intervention

I don't think you're wrong that there is a vein of thought with regards to childbirth that 'natural' is an end in itself, and that women 'succeed' or 'fail' at it. That undercurrent is definitely there and it's bad.

However, I can't agree that I wouldn't be proud if my ability to withstand any painful procedure without pain relief, IF, for whatever reason, I wanted to do so. I can't think of a reason not to want pain relief when having a tooth extracted, but can think of (and had) reasons not to accept the offered pain relief in labour, so it's not quite the correct analogy, in my view.

Having had my arse totally broken by a ‘natural’birth resulting in numerous 3rd degree tears because a junior midwife didn’t spot my baby was back to back, I wish I’d had a section. Sometimes it’s just medically necessary for a myriad of physical or mental reasons. I hate people who gloat over what is essentially luck (‘natural’ birth, breastfeeding etc) and make everyone else feel worse. It says more about their own deep seated insecurities that they need to do this and has nothing to do with you.

Celebrate your safety arrived baby through the wonders of medical science and ignore the idiots.

Pengggwn can I ask what’s the difference between labour and any other medical procedure? Why would you not feel out of control having anaesthetic for anything else?

Feel free if it’s too personal to not answer, I’m just curious.

And no - I wouldn’t be ‘proud’ to do it without pain relief - I did the whole of labour without any drugs to the point of pushing for 45 mins and being prepped for section when they realised she was stuck - it was the most traumatic and viscerally horrific experience of my life. I’m not proud of that, for a significant time I was broken by it and had nightmares about it for years.

If you want to feel proud then fine but do it quietly and sensitively so other people making other choices don’t feel unnecessarily shit.

CatsForgotPassword

No difference. If I can avoid paralysing drugs, I will.

I'm not going to knock anyone for feeling proud of bringing their child into the world, but I agree with the poster who said.

It has nothing to do with “strength”.

I would find the comments in the OP upsetting and I did have a natural birth. The memory of trying my absolute hardest while a bunch of strangers shouted and yelled at me to push harder and made me feel like I was somehow failing my baby before she was even born is still pretty strong.

I’ve had 4 vaginal delivery and I think this is pure humble bragging wankery designed to elevate herself above other lesser women who did not have the same birth experience as her.

How you give birth is more often than not down to a number of factors beyond your control - size of baby, size of pelvis, even the medical staff attending you.