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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to have not stopped.

765 replies

Quiddichcup · 10/03/2018 06:26

Dd went to my mum's after school yesterday due to bad weather. Mum lives very close to the school and has said dd is welcome. Dd gets there at 3.30 and I finished work at 4pm so it wasn't for long.

I text dd as I came out to say I was on my way. And she replied to tell me my mum wanted me to go into the house.

I only saw mum 2 days ago and didn't have time. I had a 10 minute walk to my car ( in the rain) and called her to say I was sorry but I couldn't come in as I had a text from my food shopping I had ordered to say it was on its way. I hadn't actually ordered the food to come till 5pm but last week when I got home at 4.20pm it was sat outside my house.
Obviously I didn't want to miss it, so just asked her what the matter was. She wouldn't tell me and just said I needed to go in. I kept saying I couldn't but what was wrong.

She then got cross and told me to ' use my bloody common sense but I still didn't know and said to use it over what?

I then got screamed and shouted at as it was for mothers day. She had for dd some flowers to give me and wanted to watch dd give them to me. She called me selfish and hung up.

I was upset. I drove to mums house. Dd came out. Mum would usually come to the porch and save but she didn't.

Dd said mum slammed the door on her and told her to tell me not to call her.

A bit later I get a phone call and shes demanding I apolgise for pressuring her to tell me why I needed to go in. All my fault apparently. Ww3 has kicked off and mud slinging in my direction.

We were meant to be meeting the rest of the family Sunday for mothers day. Last year's mothers day was ruined over a huge family row with my sister. I don't want a repeat of that and with this going on with mum, cancelled my invite but said sorry.

Which has now made everything worse. I wouldn't pick up the phone to her so just got text after text of crap from her. And I can't have explained more times that i just needed to get home as I had had a text saying my shopping was on its way.

It's really upset me.

OP posts:
exWifebeginsat40 · 10/03/2018 12:58

Home delivery is far from infallible.
I've had home deliveries since they started in the 90s.

i think we can stop the shopping discussion now. C8H10N4O2 clearly knows what’s up. they’ve had home deliveries SINCE THE NINETIES.

blueskypink · 10/03/2018 12:59

Housework - op said experience had taught her it wouldn't be 2 minutes. Do you know OP's mum better?

HouseworkIsASin10 · 10/03/2018 13:08

op said experience had taught her it wouldn't be 2 minutes. Do you know OP's mum better?

I know my mum pretty well and 9 times out of 10 she would be calling me back for something trivial. But I would always give her the benefit of the doubt just incase.

To me OP is feeling guilty, that's why she started this thread so people would agree with her.

TootDeLaFroot · 10/03/2018 13:09

Oh OP I'm so sorry that people are being so cruel and thoughtless to you.
You don't sound like a bad daughter, you sound sad, and abused by the person who should love you the most.
Maybe eventually you could think of this event as the start of your withdrawal from her dreadful treatment of you.

blueskypink · 10/03/2018 13:13

Housework - but the op gave her mum the benefit of the doubt and rang her up to see if there was a problem. She wouldn't say so presumably not unreasonable to decide it wasn't a matter of life or death?

And hopefully your mum isn't as deranged and abusive as the OP's?

DevilsDoorbell · 10/03/2018 13:13

I think there are some posters on here that are similar to the ops mum.

blueskypink · 10/03/2018 13:16

Devils - GrinGrinGrin I was just about to post the same thing.

ScabbyHorse · 10/03/2018 13:17

YANBU

QueenDramaLlama · 10/03/2018 13:18

I would have gone in for a minute.
Your food shopping wasn't due until 5 so if they are early then they wait.

Viviennemary · 10/03/2018 13:19

Sounds as if you Mum is a bit fed up of you calling all the shots. She was doing you a favour by looking after your DD. If somebody couldn't be bothered coming to see me then I couldn't be bothered doing them favours.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 10/03/2018 13:20

And hopefully your mum isn't as deranged and abusive as the OP's?

Ha ha no my DM is a cutie, adores her family and would do anything for you.

But I appreciate she is on her own and any opportunity for a couple of minutes to actually talk to somebody in real life instead of over the phone makes a difference to her.

Storminateapot · 10/03/2018 13:22

Ah I see the 'feel like having a pop at a stranger but can't be arsed to read the thread' brigade have shown up. Hmm

AlonsosLeftPinky · 10/03/2018 13:23

This thread is insane.

I can't believe people are actually telling the OP to book her shopping slot later in order to appease her mother and prevent her having a tantrum.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/03/2018 13:25

Vivienne the mother wasn't doing the OP a favour. Her DD popped in unexpectedly to her GM because it was raining because her house is nearer to her own home. And as the OP has said a million times it has nothing to do with the fact she couldn't be bothered. She'd seen her mother two days previously and had to get home to be there when her shopping was delivered.

Hygge · 10/03/2018 13:27

VivienneMary - it wasn't childcare or a favour to the OP, it was a teenager visiting for a short time on the way home from school.

The OP was collecting that teenager on the way home but had a reason to want to get home quickly and didn't have time to go inside or stay.

She had visited her mother on Thursday and was planning to see her tomorrow as well.

The OP does bother to visit. Frequently by the sound of it. I don't think you can say someone who visited on Thursday and then again on Sunday doesn't bother.

Ikethebear · 10/03/2018 13:28

There has been a series of really weird threads recently where people have gone off on one at the OP in such a bizarre manner. I find it baffling that people can get so wound up about people they've never met. You're not unreasonable. If you don't want to go in then don't. There's no need for a drama from your mother.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/03/2018 13:31

There are some twatty posters who disagree with an OP NO MATTER WHAT THE CONTENT IS.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 10/03/2018 13:34

There are some twatty posters who disagree with an OP NO MATTER WHAT THE CONTENT IS.

And there are a lot of posters like me who are supportive and will offer supportive comments when they agree with an OP.

But I'm not going to agree with everybody just to suit the majority.

64BooLane · 10/03/2018 13:36

Whoa, not rtft (so I usually wouldn’t comment) but I’m just so surprised by what I have read. I don’t the the OP was BU - her mum sounds rather rude and difficult.

DarthNigel · 10/03/2018 13:36

Why didn't your mum just come out with dd and the flowers?
If someone says they are in a hurry then you work around that if you are trying to surprise them with something-because, well, they don't know that you are trying to do so so will be more focussed on what they had themselves planned to do. That's the nature of it.
It's not like you never see your Mum, you saw her on Wednesday, you were seeing her tomorrow. I don't get how you are in the wrong here for wanting to make sure you kept to whatever plan you had in mind and failing to mind read your Mothers thoughts Confused

blueskypink · 10/03/2018 13:37

Ah I see the 'feel like having a pop at a stranger but can't be arsed to read the thread' brigade have shown up. 

Nicely put Stormin Grin

Ikethebear · 10/03/2018 13:38

There is nothing wrong with people giving honest, if difficult to hear, advice. That is one of the strengths of this site. However there do seem to be a small group of posters who are desperate to scold any OP and point out imaginary faults in their characters with increasingly personal insults.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 10/03/2018 13:39

I wish MN would set a comprehension test before people were allowed to post.

THE GRAN DOES NOT LOOK AFTER THE DD AFTERSCHOOL

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/03/2018 13:40

Well you're obviously not the type of poster that I'm referring to then Housework.

64BooLane · 10/03/2018 13:41

Exactly, @DarthNigel