Aibu to have not stopped.

[Quiddichcup]

Dd went to my mum's after school yesterday due to bad weather. Mum lives very close to the school and has said dd is welcome. Dd gets there at 3.30 and I finished work at 4pm so it wasn't for long.

I text dd as I came out to say I was on my way. And she replied to tell me my mum wanted me to go into the house.

I only saw mum 2 days ago and didn't have time. I had a 10 minute walk to my car ( in the rain) and called her to say I was sorry but I couldn't come in as I had a text from my food shopping I had ordered to say it was on its way. I hadn't actually ordered the food to come till 5pm but last week when I got home at 4.20pm it was sat outside my house.
Obviously I didn't want to miss it, so just asked her what the matter was. She wouldn't tell me and just said I needed to go in. I kept saying I couldn't but what was wrong.

She then got cross and told me to ' use my bloody common sense but I still didn't know and said to use it over what?

I then got screamed and shouted at as it was for mothers day. She had for dd some flowers to give me and wanted to watch dd give them to me. She called me selfish and hung up.

I was upset. I drove to mums house. Dd came out. Mum would usually come to the porch and save but she didn't.

Dd said mum slammed the door on her and told her to tell me not to call her.

A bit later I get a phone call and shes demanding I apolgise for pressuring her to tell me why I needed to go in. All my fault apparently. Ww3 has kicked off and mud slinging in my direction.

We were meant to be meeting the rest of the family Sunday for mothers day. Last year's mothers day was ruined over a huge family row with my sister. I don't want a repeat of that and with this going on with mum, cancelled my invite but said sorry.

Which has now made everything worse. I wouldn't pick up the phone to her so just got text after text of crap from her. And I can't have explained more times that i just needed to get home as I had had a text saying my shopping was on its way.

It's really upset me.

Fortunately, yes I will laugh at your green potato suggestion. That is insane that that is a measure I should have to take to keep my mum happy. Dd is fine so no need to worry about her. Thanks for your kind words though.
If you actually read the previous posts you would understand that I was giving an example of where I have been wrt being on the breadline it wasn't a suggestion that you eat green potatoes. However, since you continue to ignore clarification on what I have asked about earlier, I can with some certainty assume that you are prone to some exaggeration. And as I didn't suggest that you feed your DD green potatoes (That is insane that that is a measure I should have to take to keep my mum happy), now am of the impression that you deliberately ignore or misdirect in order to present your side more sympathetically than it is in reality, or are short of comprehension when it comes to reading and replying to a post which is not fully sympathetic to your situation.

OP - I think you have enough on your plate dealing with your irrational mother without also engaging with some of the unhinged, ridiculous and downright nasty responses on here. You've shown the patience of a saint in explaining things over and over yet still people twist your words to fit their own misconceptions.

There truly are some very unpleasant people on Mumsnet this morning.

I would leave this thread if I were you in the knowledge that a lot of sane posters don't think you've done anything wrong and sympathise with your predicament. The vipers will soon find someone else to bully.

I would have done what you did. When you're tired at the end of the working day and you still have stuff to do (like get home for the shopping), you don't want to get caught up in one of those conversations with your mother / neighbour / anyone. It's not a sign of being selfish. You'd seen her / spoken to her very recently and would be seeing / speaking to her again very soon. I don't understand why people have been giving you such a hard time.

Your mum sounds like a drama queen and hard work. I liked Chocolate's text (a few pages back now!). Let her calm down and see her in a few days.

I agree with bluesky. I am not sure what there is to be gained in continuing.

In a normal family situation op, you would not have been unreasonable and in fact it woul never have been an issue. Or if it had, a resolution would have been easy.

You seem a bit stuck now on how to move forward. Some posters seem stuck on getting some sort of vindication or I don’t know what. I suppose if you invest in a thread it is nice to be acknowledged.

Snew- difficult habit to break I guess. 40 years in the making.

I just assume if I explained it would make more sense but it doesn't if you are unhinged or just enjoying being pretty nasty.

I'm off to see my brother and will see what he thinks. But I think it's best if I spend the day with dd and make sure we are happy.

Mummyoflittledragon I was suggesting flowers as it builds a bridge. It allows DM to feel as though she has the moral high ground when clearly she doesn't, but it's Mothers Day weekend, so an olive branch seems appropriate.
Snewname I imagine the reason OP keeps justifying herself is because many people on this thread seem to be taking DMs side (or saying both of them have issues!!) and by responding to these comments OP is effectively role playing a confrontation with DM.

And fortunately has basically just called me think.

Not hugely nice or in the spirit of mn is it.

I can't reply to every single post and I don't believe there is an obligation to do so.

Thick.

Damn phone. Terribke time to autocorrect.😉

You feel she is demanding on your time.

Dude. Did you read how often she contacts the OP?

"Have a nice mother's day, enjoy it while you can because it looks like there's a mother/daughter incompatibility gene running strongly through your family. Hope for her sake your DD didn't inherit it."

That's actually a really awful thing to say.

OP, you done nothing wrong. Some posters twist things for sport.

Your mum sounds absolutely ridiculous. If my mum acted that way I would think there was something very wrong with her. The normal thing for your mum to have done would be for her to simply have told you on the phone that DD has a surprise for you. That was all that was needed.

Instead she went off on one and played games, instead of just telling you why she wanted you to pop in. It's all about control.

I can't believe some of the responses you have had here. The adding things to the story, the twisting, it is just bizarre. I shouldn't be shocked though really. If an OP is being reasonable, some will have to twist shit around to make you unreasonable just for the fun of it. They must be bored. Sometimes I think they might actually believe the shit they have made up, which is scary.

No one who has an ounce of common sense could think your mum's reaction was normal or ok. Only on MN does a teen going to see their grandparent = free child care.

It makes sense the first time you explain it if you are a rational person. Which clearly your mother isn't - and some posters on here. Best to detach and have a lovely day with your dd - and your brother. Be confident that it isn't you being unreasonable and seriously consider that counseling.

Your Mum obviously has anger issues and was very much in the wrong!

I've been where you are single parent with bare cupboards and no way could I have missed a food shop being delivered because there was never any food left over from one shop to another things were that tight.

Posters defending your Mum don't seem to get that she flipped out because she wanted to watch your DD give you the flowers she bought I don't know how that doesn't smack of the person who gives to a charity and wants everyone to know about it so they can congratulate them for being such a good person Lots will disagree with me but I grew up with a Mother like that as well OP,everything in public was amazing,behind closed doors it was very different!

For what it's worth I think your doing the right thing when it comes to Mothers Day and your being very sefless it sounds like your Mother could learn alot from you.

I hope you have a lovely Mothers Day with your DD

Have a nice mother's day, enjoy it while you can because it looks like there's a mother/daughter incompatibility gene running strongly through your family. Hope for her sake your DD didn't inherit it."

Disgusting.

What the fuck is happening on MN where a thread can bring out so much bile?

"Just have a calm discussion".

Your mum sounds manipulative as fuck. The rest of your family, your nc sister and brother have her measure. So does your dd.

You saw her 2 days ago
She phones you multiple times a day starting at 6:30 demanding attention
Everyone in your family knows to walk on eggshells and not rock the boat
Even if you bent over backwards, which you should not, she would still punish you on sunday
She shouted abuse at you and hung up the phone
She shouted at your dd and chucked her out
She is still texting and having a go at you now.

Manipulative as fuck. And unsurprising your sister is nc with her and brother advises you to ignore.

Most normal people would have completely understood about the rush and come out to you. Personally i would do as your brother advised: ignore her, arrange to meet the other family anotger day and have fun with dd.

YANBU for not going in last night when you had a valid reason for lack of time

However this is only the tip of the iceberg , your mother needs to grow up and not be so self centred and you need to draw strong boundaries for both yourself and your daughter that keep your mother at a firm distance , as I read it and I have skimmed a lot of this as it's pretty long , you need to become stronger in yourself at saying a firm no to your mother then continuing onwards with what you were doing without as much as a soul searching backwards glance because your insecurities at appeasing her are fuelling her need to be dominant over you
Counselling may be the way forwards as a previous poster mentioned. But ultimately you need to toughen up and not allow her actions to have dominance over you.

Snewname I imagine the reason OP keeps justifying herself is because many people on this thread seem to be taking DMs side (or saying both of them have issues!!) and by responding to these comments OP is effectively role playing a confrontation with DM.

I think that was the point I was trying to make, which you did much more eloquently. It's the same dynamic on here as with her dm- and neither is healthy. Get that counseling op.

And why because some have lost good mothers or are losing them, should mothers that aren't so loving be revered?

I feel for those who have loved and lost but it is irrelervant advice to OP. Her mum is not your mum...thankfully it sounds like yours are less hard work.

OP should ignore all the vitriolic posters.

There is a theme with these threads - many kind, rational people offer help and advice but some attention seeking weirdos have to play devils advocate and make some really outlandish judgements.

MN might think about introducing a 'block me seeing posts from this poster' button beside each reply, and the blocked poster could receive a little pop up saying 'The poster does not wish to read further comments from you' message.

I find it amusing that certain posters are coming in here and opening with despicable insults then demanding answers to disingenuous questions NOW! Then escalating the insults when their demand isn't instantly met.

Sound familiar? Practice with the people who think they have the right demand answers from you by ignoring it OP. Nobody has a right to demand anything from you here, don't give them that power.

Here's a that isn't dripping in oily sarcasm.

snewname I couldn't agree more.

I hate the "my mum is just lovely and I can't imagine life without her, so you should be nice to yours, you'll miss her" comments.

You would never get someone coming onto an abusive partner thread saying the equivalent.

It's not relevant AND it's an extra slap in the face to someone who will never know that kind of love.

Fuck there's some HORRIBLE people on this thread. You must be an absolute joy to live with..

OP I would hide it if I were you. Some posters are determined to stick the boot in until you crumble.

Do you you what op? I've already said she overreacted, etc, etc, but I put forth an opinion on how she might have seen it. I suggested moving forward, and asked you a couple of things. You ignored any good advice as far as I can see, poured scorn on my personal circumstance without knowing anything about it, and compounded this further by deliberately (or mistakenly) saying I'd said one thing to you when I blatantly hadn't. When I clarified you continued in this vein, and now you are trying to garner more sympathy by making out I've called you thick. Really don't know what you're getting out of this thread as you haven't engaged with any advice whatsoever and only appear interested in reacting to ppl who disagree with you.
Sorry you can't see things from other ppls side, sorry you feel the need to bite back at ppl who disagree or have asked for clarification. The dripfeed re family dynamics and previous behaviors didn't help.
However. I have, as I said, already agreed DM overreacted. Take some of the good advice from numerous posters on board, enjoy mothers day as much as you are able, despite thinking a good day out with DD will make DM accuse you of being horrible or whatever (and stop thinking I told you to feed DD green potatoes. Because I obviously didn't).