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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Has he lost interest?

126 replies

Feelingweirdaboutit · 09/03/2018 23:14

Had second/third date with new guy, he seemed very keen and we were getting on very well - similar interests and outlooks, long chats when we met and enjoyed getting to know him.

After our last date (yesterday) he has gone a bit distant. It started and ended a little awkwardly but the experience was good, we were making each other laugh and chatting away as if we were old friends. I was a little late at the beginning (apologised) and then went up to the wrong person (mortifying) as was in a panic and they’re both very tall. He must have seen but kept quiet... we then went for food and had a nice time before he invited me to his “for a drink” - I accepted as didn’t want it to be awkward but declined the offer if anything more at his, saying I wanted to get to know him better but that we would soon. Lots of kissing though.

He messaged to check is got home safe but apart from a banterous reply to my message back, there has been nothing. I still don’t know how I feel about him but did like what I saw and got the feeling he was into me. Feel a bit shit now

OP posts:
Whatshallidonowpeople · 09/03/2018 23:16

If he has lost interest because you wouldn't do more, then he isn't for you.

Feelingweirdaboutit · 09/03/2018 23:18

I do feel like he genuinely saw something in me though - kept talking about all the things we could do together etc, in a nice way. Just felt really natural

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Masonmumny12 · 09/03/2018 23:20

Don't you dare feel shit! X he is probably acting like things because he expected sex and you didn't give it to him...... Worst case scenario he was only playing Mr Nice so sex would be on the table sooner rather than later x

Feelingweirdaboutit · 09/03/2018 23:24

You think? Is this a dealbreaker then, if he messages again soon? I did feel like he genuinely liked me.

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arethereanyleftatall · 09/03/2018 23:24

It sounds like you wanted different things from these dates.

keepingbees · 09/03/2018 23:25

Men will say anything to get a leg over. Sounds like he was paving the way to get you to sleep with him and now he realises you want more than that he's lost interest. I'd mark this one up to experience!

Whatshallidonowpeople · 09/03/2018 23:26

How long has it been since you heard from him? Have you messaged him?

Feelingweirdaboutit · 09/03/2018 23:26

Actually I do feel like he’s after a relationship though.

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Feelingweirdaboutit · 09/03/2018 23:27

Heard from him at midday and he messaged immediately after I left asking me to let him know when I was home safe.

OP posts:
demirose87 · 09/03/2018 23:29

If he's lost interest because you didn't have sex with him, then he's not worth your time as he would have probably gone distant if he had got sex anyway, as he'd have got what he wanted.
I reckon you've had a lucky escape and he only wanted sex. If he wanted something more serious he would be happy to go at your pace.
He probably thought it was a sure thing and you've thrown him and now he's a bit miffed and embarrassed.

Feelingweirdaboutit · 09/03/2018 23:31

I did think he wanted something more serious though - everything was pointing towards it, unless he talked a very fucking good game. Also why bother messaging me after

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keepingbees · 09/03/2018 23:31

If he wanted to know you were home safe and has messaged again today what makes you think he's lost interest?

unintentionalthreadkiller · 09/03/2018 23:31

You heard from him at midday?? He's not really had time to cool things has he?!

Feelingweirdaboutit · 09/03/2018 23:35

The fact we haven’t planned a further date etc and heard nothing much since really

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keepingbees · 09/03/2018 23:42

You've only had 2/3 dates, it's too early to decide if it's serious or not. I think you're putting too much pressure on it. If he wants you he will make it known. If he's cooled off it's better that he did it before you slept with him as it seems like he only wanted one thing.

Feelingweirdaboutit · 09/03/2018 23:50

So it’s bad news really

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Jon66 · 09/03/2018 23:54

Perhaps because you wouldn't have sex with him, he thinks you aren't very interested? They do have egos you know!

Feelingweirdaboutit · 09/03/2018 23:57

I have a feeling it may be that Jon

I said to him I would be ready soon but didn’t want to rush things

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cremecaramelmmm · 10/03/2018 08:26

Poor guy you wouldn't have sex with him after 2 dates, his poor ego must be shot to bits?! If he's being off with you after you not having sex, bin him. Don't start worrying and promising you'll be ready soon, that's crazy talk. Some men are very good at future faking and will tell you anything they think you want to hear to get you into bed. How about you stop worrying if he likes you and start considering whether you actually like him and if he's good enough for you.

Oldbrook · 10/03/2018 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFifthKey · 10/03/2018 08:44

At this point I’d just get on with your life - assume he isn’t interested, try not to think about it (because thinking won’t change anything) and you’ll be pleasantly surprised if he is! If he wants to see you again he will make it happen. Men do.

Oldbrook · 10/03/2018 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arealhumanbeing · 10/03/2018 08:56

Hang on!

He messaged you immediately to check you were in safely and then messaged again when you confirmed that you were?

And then again at midday?

bumbleymummy · 10/03/2018 08:59

I suppose it depends on how much you usually message each other but i think it’s a bit soon to be saying he’s cooled off if it’s only been a few hours since you heard from him Confused. He may have had a few things on in the afternoon/evening.

Allthewaves · 10/03/2018 09:01

or perhaps he's stuff on today and hasn't had time to text - people r reading loads into this. If your that worried why not text him and try and arrange another date - you don't have to wait for him to text

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