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Original poster

Has he lost interest?

126 replies

Feelingweirdaboutit · 09/03/2018 23:14

Had second/third date with new guy, he seemed very keen and we were getting on very well - similar interests and outlooks, long chats when we met and enjoyed getting to know him.

After our last date (yesterday) he has gone a bit distant. It started and ended a little awkwardly but the experience was good, we were making each other laugh and chatting away as if we were old friends. I was a little late at the beginning (apologised) and then went up to the wrong person (mortifying) as was in a panic and they’re both very tall. He must have seen but kept quiet... we then went for food and had a nice time before he invited me to his “for a drink” - I accepted as didn’t want it to be awkward but declined the offer if anything more at his, saying I wanted to get to know him better but that we would soon. Lots of kissing though.

He messaged to check is got home safe but apart from a banterous reply to my message back, there has been nothing. I still don’t know how I feel about him but did like what I saw and got the feeling he was into me. Feel a bit shit now

OP posts:
hubby · 12/03/2018 11:24

Don't make a point of the fact it has been two days since you last spoke. Think of something you wanna do eg movie/ Theater/ meal and ask him if he fancies it and if so when is a good time for him

Original poster
Feelingweirdaboutit · 12/03/2018 11:25

I was thinking of just a how’s it going, did he have a good weekend icebreaker?

OP posts:
keepingbees · 12/03/2018 19:31

Yes I think a how's it going text is a good idea.

Casperthefriendlyghost5 · 12/03/2018 19:42

Ok sent and he has replied but conversation is pretty stilted! I do think the him feeling rejected is valid but it feels a bit awkward now.

Me: hey hows it going? Did you have a nice weekend? Tell me the [exotic hol destination] plans are still on (we jokily said we would go somewhere this week)

Him: haha that would be great. Just back from gym. Absolutely soaking!

Me: I’m on my way now, good session?! Well it’s 30c there so basically same as here really

Him: just need to use our willpower. It’s 20c here and sunny!

Me: I like your style. A cocktail in each hand

He hasn’t replied despite seeing it and I don’t want to say anything else obviously. Any further advice?

Casperthefriendlyghost5 · 12/03/2018 19:42

Name change fail - apologies!

keepingbees · 12/03/2018 19:53

Depending how you want to play it, I would either just wait and see if he responds, or just text again and be straight up asking him if he fancies meeting up again sometime.
I think you need to know either way else it will drive you mad. He's either lost interest or he's keeping his distance after feeling rejected. You need to know where you stand though

Sparklesocks · 12/03/2018 20:16

You could do a text if you want OP but please don’t invest too much energy, if he has lost interest then it’s not your fault, you deserve someone who wants to be with you.

esk1mo · 12/03/2018 20:30

i dont think hes into you OP - i’d leave the ball in his court

Casperthefriendlyghost5 · 12/03/2018 20:30

I think I’m going to just see if he’s about for a drink this week in a casual way then move on.

Pastaforlunch · 12/03/2018 22:31

Okay, so I might be overthinking this waaaay too much, but I don't get why he said "just need to use our willpower"...is that an inside joke between you? Just seems like an odd thing to say. Has he replied?

WhatsGoingOnEh · 13/03/2018 00:41

I think you need to know either way else it will drive you mad. He's either lost interest or he's keeping his distance after feeling rejected. You need to know where you stand though

Sorry to quote this post directly, but I see similar messages everywhere and I think it's wrong.

You don't need everything to be explained or pointed out so explicitly in words. ACTIONS are equally descriptive! And men a man doesn't get in touch, or doesn't ask questions in his messages, or doesn't suggest another date or even reply, you KNOW where you stand. He doesn't want another date.

It's really not up to you to try to find out why that might be - that information is irrelevant to you and your own life. It realllllllly doesn't matter. All that matters is that you get the message and realise that you're back on the market.

Chasing him down for extra clarification is just a waste of your time, and a bit icky.

OP, I think this guy doesn't see a future here (sorry) so it's time to look forwards.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 13/03/2018 06:38

Keep your dignity, you'll regret it if you keep pestering him. The willpower crack had a reference to the lack of sex, he's telling you what you need to know. Walk away!

alligatortoss · 13/03/2018 06:48

I don’t understand the strange name change?

TheNaze73 · 13/03/2018 06:54

Leave him be OP. He’s clearly lost interest & is just humouring you by replying.

bonnyshide · 13/03/2018 07:31

Maybe he thinks you're ignoring him? Have you messaged him at all (apart from telling him you were home safe)?

Casperthefriendlyghost5 · 13/03/2018 08:24

He actually said "mind over matter" not "need to use our willpower", I was paraphrasing.

Yes he probably is just humouring me - I have played it so cool for the last three weeks though (while still being nice) so thought it was my turn to show a bit of interest after I essentially rejected him! I also asked to pay half even when he said he was happy to pay. Apart from telling him I was home safe and thanking him for the eve, I left it a few days and only messaged on Monday. I told him to let me know if he fancied a drink this week as the week was turning out to be a long one, and have obviously left it.

I think I have my answer but in fairness I do think I have behaved w/ dignity throughout! I did as much as I wanted to do, I played it cool, I was nice. I regret hurting his feelings if I did by going up to the wrong person (!) and obviously turning him down - I know he fancied me though and he definitely did find me good company (was obvious) but I guess we are looking for different things, which is fine!

Onwards and upwards :)

kubex · 13/03/2018 08:39

To be honest OP, you sound a little crazy!

You've had 2 dates and already you've turned int a mad woman, over analysing every little detail since you met.

I think you need to relax!

And all this 'traditional' bullshit needs to go. It's 2018 - if you want to see him again, send him a message and suggest a date.

If he arranged the first 2, he's probably waiting for you to show a bit of initiative.

Casperthefriendlyghost5 · 13/03/2018 11:24

Fair enough. He replied to my message about the drink. He is off work this week so said “ah no, sorry to hear it’s a long week for you why? I will let you know as back home with the parents this week, still out of [our city]. Enjoying not being at work!”

Do I reply or leave?

UniqueAsAUnicorn · 13/03/2018 11:30

Honestly? He’s just not that into you.

‘I will let you know’ ?!

You deserve someone who would jump at the chance.

Leave it.

Sudafed73 · 13/03/2018 11:33

It doesn't sound like you're ready for a relationship in the nicest possible way, especially if you're asking strangers if you should reply to a perfectly pleasant message and a direct question...

Casperthefriendlyghost5 · 13/03/2018 11:35

I am ready for a relationship. In light of all that’s happened (he may either be keeping his distance as feels rejected plus he planned first two dates... alternatively he has lost interest), I’m asking what a sensible thing to do is. I either want us to meet and reset things or leave it here.

WingsofaDragonfly · 13/03/2018 11:47

I’d leave it, he said he’d let you know, which to me sounds like a polite way of saying no thanks. He does ask why you’re having a hard week though, mixed messages but I’d still leave it, if he was into you, he’d make sure you knew that he was.

Snowmagedon · 13/03/2018 11:51

Op!! I don't get the angsty messages on here to you, all this dating etc is brutal!! Be kind for ffs.

So what if she's asking strangers on here! Better than friends who may lie.

Anyway, I think it's clear that you like him, there's nothing more than you can do... Just leave it now. Be ultra polite and clear if he messages you.. But don't ask or initiate anymore.

carryondoctor · 13/03/2018 11:52

Don't text him again, OP. If he's keen, he will text you - you've made the last couple of moves. Again I recommend "he's just not that into you" - let me see if I can find the quote to post here.

In the meantime focus on the gym and something that makes you feel fabulous - new book, manicure, chocolate, whatever - and don't stress over him. If he isn't keen, he's not the one for you, and better you know that now than further down the track.

carryondoctor · 13/03/2018 11:53

This is the one I was thinking of - I think we can legitimately replace "call" with "text"!!

Has he lost interest?
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