Has he lost interest?

[Feelingweirdaboutit]

Had second/third date with new guy, he seemed very keen and we were getting on very well - similar interests and outlooks, long chats when we met and enjoyed getting to know him.

After our last date (yesterday) he has gone a bit distant. It started and ended a little awkwardly but the experience was good, we were making each other laugh and chatting away as if we were old friends. I was a little late at the beginning (apologised) and then went up to the wrong person (mortifying) as was in a panic and they’re both very tall. He must have seen but kept quiet... we then went for food and had a nice time before he invited me to his “for a drink” - I accepted as didn’t want it to be awkward but declined the offer if anything more at his, saying I wanted to get to know him better but that we would soon. Lots of kissing though.

He messaged to check is got home safe but apart from a banterous reply to my message back, there has been nothing. I still don’t know how I feel about him but did like what I saw and got the feeling he was into me. Feel a bit shit now

Plus why do you call this 2/3 dates? Why not 2, or 3? What were the times you've actually met up with this guy socially?

Point taken! We met at an event both tipsy and went for a drink, then met for drinks as a first date and this (dinner) was our second date. So I guess three meetings, two dates!

So come on - what plans do you have for this weekend? That don't involve watching your phone for a text from Mr Two-Dates?

Sorry no, we had a date on Thursday night and he was last in touch midday yesterday.

Chill your beans! (which is a phrase I have just learnt on another thread here!)

Calm down and stop being needy. It's not even 48 hours since your last date. He may have lost interest but he may not have. Plenty of people with normal healthy lives are busy and especially so on Friday and over the weekend.

If you start texting/chasing now you will show your hand as a bit obsessed with contact and very needy.

Give it till end of Wednesday next week. If you've heard from him good, if not then either drop him a quick line then (Short and testing water) or move on.

If he's a real player, he'll deliberately make you sweat this weekend to break down your defences on the next date.

He'll know that his silence will make you like him more, and get you stressing and wondering (and starting online threads!) about him and whether you've put him off.

A guy who really, genuinely likes you will want to contact you this weekend to make sure he stays on your mind! He won't want time to pass, he'll want to secure the third date.

You've shown this guy you really like him, by snogging him for hours and promising him sex soon so really, don't do anything more.

Good grief, give the poor chap some time; men these days have to walk a very fine line and are afraid of putting a foot wrong. Perhaps he doesn't want to pester you and is giving you your 'space'. Perhaps busy with friends/family.
Perhaps not that interested anymore.
Just chill and see what happens, if he contacts you, good, if not, also good - you found out early on and didn't get stringed along.

Oh please, please don't get needy! Needy people bring out the worst in people......
If you meet a needy person, run.

I know I'm going to sound like your mother (and am undoubtedly old enough to be her!) but if it is meant to be, it is meant to be.

You can't over-analyse these early steps and equally even if there are obstacles along the way, if there's that much of a bond, you will overcome them. You can't fix it so he's interested, and perhaps you need to also see a bit more of him to see if he's really for you.

The things you need are: time (to see if he's who he says he is, lots of great guys say nice things, so do lots of players) and consistency- does he text to ask for a date or respond positively to an ask from you within a few days (not hours?!!!!) Is he consistent in his behaviour towards you.

By the way, sometimes guys, just like women, take slightly longer than 10 min after finishing a date to know if they want to go out again. Perhaps he's on the dating scene and dating someone else right now, I was when I met my husband, I soon choose between them but I didn't sack off the existing date the second I clapped eyes on him. Perhaps he has an ex he's thinking about, perhaps he's just very busy for a couple of days but the first thing Mon he's going to do is fix up a date with you.

Leave it, you've made it clear you are interested, and see what happens. Allow him to make the decision rather than texting to see if he's made up his mind yet!

I don't mean allow him and not you to make the decision- I mean give him a bit of space to decide to date you again, rather than pushing it right this second. Of course if you decide not to date him again, that's a different issue.

But for me sex on second date is far too early with anyone! And I want this to have mileage

If it has mileage it will have mileage regardless of whether you wait. Have sex when you want it. You don’t have to withhold because you’re a woman.

I’m not, I’m inexperienced though and don’t think it’s a good idea for me to have it until I know him a bit better

It's a bit early, he may have sports/friends/family commitments this weekend. Or just be tired.

Is there anything which would distract you...? It's easier said than done, but try to take a step away from it at present. You appear to like each other but don't know each other well and there's no hurry.

Op how old are you ??

25

Op you need to play the field! Do you sound busy to him? Or readily available? Does he know your a virgin ?

Firstly do not send him winky face messages - your just implying sex.

I don't get faffing about. Text him and ask if he wants to do something next weekend - bowling, cinema, whatever.

I’m fairly sure I sound busy - he knows I have a pretty active life (which I do) and go out with friends a lot etc. Was just in a mopey mood. Definitely not available - I’ve always chosen days for our dates and not been too keen etc.

No winky face messages will be sent! :)

Op just carry on as you are he will either respect you or fizzle out.
Dropping your knickers to keep a man interested rarely works

Just text him

Are you the OP from last week? You wanted to know about letting him know weren't ready to sleep with him after the third date. Seems there was lots of angst last week too.

I think if he is interested he will call after the weekend so as not to appear too keen. You've had some good advice, go out, enjoy yourself. Don't become needy. Great if he does, not for you if he doesn't.

As frustrating as all these games are, some of us old married biddies are a little envious of that frisson of longing and what if.

The best book I read at about your age was "he's just not that into you". Some of the phrases will really stick with you. I remember in particular I was sort of seeing this guy but only really when he'd been drinking. The book said:

"If Boozy the Clown has to put on his red nose to get intimate with you, he's just not that into you."

It was like a lightbulb going off!!! None of it's rocket science; it just makes you realise and makes you laugh.

And hopefully none of it will apply here!!

The thing to remember is - guys who really like you want you to know that they like you. Even if they try to play it cool, they're usually crap at it.

He has really left me in no doubt at other times - it’s just the not texting for a couple of days thing. But before, and throughout the date itself, it was pretty obvious.

What should I say?