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AIBU?

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Original poster

Has he lost interest?

126 replies

Feelingweirdaboutit · 09/03/2018 23:14

Had second/third date with new guy, he seemed very keen and we were getting on very well - similar interests and outlooks, long chats when we met and enjoyed getting to know him.

After our last date (yesterday) he has gone a bit distant. It started and ended a little awkwardly but the experience was good, we were making each other laugh and chatting away as if we were old friends. I was a little late at the beginning (apologised) and then went up to the wrong person (mortifying) as was in a panic and they’re both very tall. He must have seen but kept quiet... we then went for food and had a nice time before he invited me to his “for a drink” - I accepted as didn’t want it to be awkward but declined the offer if anything more at his, saying I wanted to get to know him better but that we would soon. Lots of kissing though.

He messaged to check is got home safe but apart from a banterous reply to my message back, there has been nothing. I still don’t know how I feel about him but did like what I saw and got the feeling he was into me. Feel a bit shit now

OP posts:
PamDooveOrangeJoof · 10/03/2018 13:03

I said this on another thread the other day. If a guy really likes you he will still like you whether you sleep with him or not.
Someone who is turned off if you have sex with them (when they too have had sex with you!) were never going to last the distance anyway.
Some people say anything to try and get laid. If it proves slightly more work than they were looking to put in they bail.

Some people say all the right things, have no intention of taking it further but sleep with you then bail.

Basically you have to decide if you would like to have sex with someone and you won’t be hurt should they run off, do it. If there’s a slight possibility you would be hurt then hold off til next kknow them a bit better.

Original poster
Feelingweirdaboutit · 10/03/2018 13:04

Yes I would be hurt hence why I’m waiting

OP posts:
PamDooveOrangeJoof · 10/03/2018 13:05

Totally nothing wrong with that at all and to be honest, looks like he proved you right.

Storminateapot · 10/03/2018 13:13

It's an hour since you last heard from him and you think he's cooled off? Maybe he's just busy? With people and it would be rude to keep texting someone? Eating? Doing a bit of work? Anything really...

Give it a couple of days before you read anything into it.

I have a friend who is driving me up the wall just now with this intense navel gazing over a bloke. She decides on the evidence of nothing but a short gap in contact that he's gone off her several times a week.

I mean this kindly, but just chill a bit. You had a nice night, you parted on good times and he has been in touch, just not as much as you would like this morning. No reason to jump to any conclusions at all just yet.

Original poster
Feelingweirdaboutit · 10/03/2018 13:14

Sorry no, we had a date on Thursday night and he was last in touch midday yesterday.

OP posts:
esk1mo · 10/03/2018 13:14

you sound very needy, i think you need to work on your self esteem.

keepingbees · 10/03/2018 13:15

You've done nothing wrong at all OP, don't analyse everything you've said and done you'll just drive yourself mad. If he likes you he will come back to you. Just take a step back and wait and see what happens Smile

Storminateapot · 10/03/2018 13:16

Ah ok, I stand corrected my apologies. Could still be busy but it's looking less rosy I guess. Thanks

NearlyThirtyDad · 10/03/2018 13:20

To be fair it has only been a day, I would calm down. If he hasn't texted after a few days then it may mean something. He might just be trying to play it cool.

NearlyThirtyDad · 10/03/2018 13:20

Have you tried texting him ?

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 10/03/2018 13:23

There's nothing at all wrong with waiting till you're ready to have sex.

But I don't get why you don't just ask him out if you want to see him? You're not giving him anything, any power over you. You want to see him right? and even if he says no - at least that ends this agony - the not knowing, the what ifs, the endless questions (that's not a personal insult! I think it's natural Smile).

And if he messes you around and isn't suitably apologetic for not getting in touch, you have your answer and you move on and find someone lovely you deserve.

Original poster
Feelingweirdaboutit · 10/03/2018 13:24

yes - just sent a jokey message about something we were talking about on the date, in response to him. I was last to text though, didn’t ask any questions and that’s where it has been left

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingweirdaboutit · 10/03/2018 13:26

Thanks but I really don’t want to ask him out. I think we’re both quite traditional in that sense and as it’s very early days, I would rather he did. He must know I’m a bit inerested

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 10/03/2018 13:29

I don't think anyone can help you then. If you've allocated yourself a passive role in this relationship you're totally at the mercy of the other person.

Good luck with it

Original poster
Feelingweirdaboutit · 10/03/2018 13:31

I don’t think it’s passive!

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 10/03/2018 13:39

Well that's where we differ!

You're saying you won't ask him out (despite wanting to see him again) and waiting for him to ask you.

It's up to you of course! But I call that passive.

Original poster
Feelingweirdaboutit · 10/03/2018 13:42

Fair enough :) Ok bit bold but I’m thinking of sending him a message a few glasses of wine down tonight. Something like “keep thinking about thurs. was really fun, can’t wait til we do it again ;)”

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingweirdaboutit · 10/03/2018 13:43

Or something similar as it has hit me I was so nervous I wasn’t as into the moment as I wanted to be which probably came across as rejection - and probably was a bit passive. I was enjoying it though and won’t hurt to let him know that/build up momentum for next time

OP posts:
Snowmagedon · 10/03/2018 13:48

I'd wait op. He knows you like him.

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 10/03/2018 13:48

Looks like after Thursday, he's leaving the ball in your court. Put your big girl pants on and text him.

Original poster
Feelingweirdaboutit · 10/03/2018 13:57

What’s a good icebreaker to test the waters?

OP posts:
AbsolutelyCorking · 10/03/2018 13:57

You’re not being passive, at the moment you hold the power, he obviously wanted more but you said no... good for you! I think he will have more respect for you if you wait if you are both traditional types. I’d wait until he texts again.

hula008 · 10/03/2018 13:58

I don’t understand? It’s not like you’re asking him out for the first time - you’ve already been on multiple dates.

Just say “So when are we meeting next then?” or similar

WhatsGoingOnEh · 10/03/2018 14:00

Don't get drunk and message him later!! I have no idea why you'd do that. You'll feel awful; even if he replies, you'll wonder if he would've just let things slide if you hadn't texted him. Plus, texting on a Saturday night just screams that you have absolutely nothing better in your life right now to do or think about, than him.

You've done nothing wrong at all. Please don't worry that you might not have seemed interested enough! FFS. Have we really come to this, where we believe men need constant updates of how much we like them, in case their fragile egos can't cope?

Just make lovely plans for this weekend with your friends, and wait and see. If he was just after sex, he'll stop asking you out and that's good information for you to have.

If he's interested in you, he'll make a point of showing you that he's happy to wait.

If he's a player, he'll ask you out again and he'll make sure you eventually both end up somewhere with a bed in it (like his house for dinner, or drinks, or back to your place). And he'll continue to ramp up the future talk to try and convince you that's he's in it for the long haul.

Next time, don't feel you have to tell men when they can expect sex. It's not their human right to get sex from every date! Do it when you're ready, whether that's 6 dates, 6 months or 6 years. The right man for you will LOVE that you're not having sex before you're ready.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 10/03/2018 14:02

Any message from you now will look needy. No ice-breaker text could possibly disguise itself as anything except what it is - you wanting reassurance that he's into you.