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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD friend's mum not picking up the phone..

621 replies

lunakitty2609 · 09/03/2018 22:25

So my Dd (9) is staying the night at her friend's house for the first time. The parents of the friend know this is her first time away. I tried texting friends mum at 8.30pm to make sure dd was okay, no reply. I have since tried phoning 7 times in 20-minute intervals, still nothing... Who does that? AIBU??

OP posts:
hesterton · 09/03/2018 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HarrietKettle · 09/03/2018 22:41

Well when the mum sees 7x calls she'll either think there's a proper emergency, which there obviously isn't, and it'll dress her out, or she'll just think you're bonkers.

SciFiRocker · 09/03/2018 22:42

I would have rang and rang until she answered and if she still didn't answer then gone round there and refused dd to stay there again! What a stupid woman!
Yanbu. They have to realise someone else's child is not theirs to do as they wish, they need to keep parents informed!

childmindingmumof3 · 09/03/2018 22:42

What age are they supposed to start having sleepovers Ajas? My oldest is 7.5 and has only ever stayed with family.

LavenderDoll · 09/03/2018 22:43

Other mum should have answered phone replied to txt but I never text mums when I have their kids on a sleepover and my phone is normally at bottom of my bag..

Cheby · 09/03/2018 22:43

I’d be really pissed off too OP. Has she responded yet?

glasshalfemp · 09/03/2018 22:44

I would be anxious too. In fact I always text a little update if I have someone’s child. Even send a little WhatsApp video of them playing or something. I may be ott. But I just do what I would want someone else to do for me if someone had my child. I don’t allow sleepovers so maybe I’m not the best person to commentConfused

HarrietKettle · 09/03/2018 22:44

Keep parents informed of what Confused

TuftedLadyGrotto · 09/03/2018 22:45

I don't understand why you need contact. Is there a reason why you think there might be a problem?

My 8 yr old has slept over at friends a couple of times. I've never contacted at all.

Original poster
lunakitty2609 · 09/03/2018 22:45

No, she has not responded. I imagine they are all sleeping now because they are all driving down to Crealy tomorrow morning. I sent one more text just to let her know there is no emergency and I was just worried.

OP posts:
TabbyTigger · 09/03/2018 22:46

Why not drive by the house to assure yourself that all looks calm and well?

Don’t do this! They’ve probably just switched their phone on silent. Mine started going to sleepovers much younger than 9 and were fine - if something was up they’d have told you. Just relax, she’ll have a great time and come home tired and grumpy tomorrow!

TuftedLadyGrotto · 09/03/2018 22:46

@SciFiRocker It wouldn't occur to me to contact the parent just to tell them their child was fine. DS has had two friends over and I didn't send anything.

FairiesVsPixies · 09/03/2018 22:49

I'd be really annoyed too. A little text to say all's well is not too much to ask.
But I agree when she sees the 7 missed calls she's going to freak Grin

tolerable · 09/03/2018 22:49

no...yanbu,and..if you are-..then oops.. children are precious. id rather apologise for unreasonable(stalker mam style)behaviour,on the step once established alls well..than deal with "i wish i had....x

k2p2k2tog · 09/03/2018 22:50

they need to keep parents informed!

6.30pm She has had a slice of pizza
6.32pm And some ice cream.
7.02pm She's been to the toilet
7.15pm They're watching telly.
7.20pm. Still watching telly.
8pm They've put their pyjamas on.
8.10pm She brushed her teeth.
8.25 pm They are talking about One Direction
8.32pm They are watching telly.
9.25 pm Sleeping.
9.45 pm Sleeping.
10.05pm Still sleeping.
10.25pm Still sleeping.

OP you are being absolutely ridiculous. Unless you are about to come in with a massive dripfeed about your DD having some sort of exceptional circumstances, it is not normal for a sleepover host to be telling you that everything's OK. They will phone you if you are needed. You are obviously not needed.

Chill out.

GinnyJumperoo · 09/03/2018 22:50

Why don’t some parents “allow” sleepovers? Just curious. My oldest is only three so I haven’t given this much thought but what’s the harm?

Weebo · 09/03/2018 22:50

You panicked. It's fine.

I would panic too because I'm like that. DH is normally the one who peels me off the ceiling though.

The people of MN will do that for you :o

Custardo · 09/03/2018 22:51

i'd be round in the car to be honest - its a bit late now , but totally not on

Puffycat · 09/03/2018 22:51

When my DD did her first sleepovers me and other mums sent smiley photos of them in jammies, I also don’t think it’s bad to say “goodnight darling have a nice time, I’ll see you tomorrow “ YANBU

childmindingmumof3 · 09/03/2018 22:53

I don't think you need to give updates, but you should be contactable if you have someone else's child.

FairiesVsPixies · 09/03/2018 22:53

In fact I always text a little update if I have someone’s child.
Same here but most people don't.

gingergenius · 09/03/2018 22:54

Did your DD not do a residential recently? (Mine is 9 and just did).

Appreciate you are concerned but suspect the worry is more about how you feel that's how your dd feels. Am sure she's fine.

Puffycat · 09/03/2018 22:55

I’d also like to add that you don’t let your kids stay just ANYWHERE! If you can’t get her on the phone then she’s being crappy, your DD is only 9! You are 100% right to be concerned

SD1978 · 09/03/2018 22:55

I can understand why you’ve done it. It’s your child’s first sleep over, and you’re a bit anxious. She didn’t respond to the text, so you e slipped (slightly) into crazy mode. I don’t blame you. As the adult in charge, she should be contactable, in case there is an emergency. And should have at some point checked her phone. I don’t find that acceptable, even if you’ve gone a bit OTT. Hopefully she texts you in the morning.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 09/03/2018 22:57

I think you should have called earlier than this to check up. Just for future reference, I find it a good idea to arrange a time that you will call to say goodnight on the first few sleepovers so misunderstandings like this don’t happen.

I’m often in bed by this time and my phone isn’t within earshot or is turned to silent.

She’ll be fine. Send a text apologising for being anxious and asking them to call you in the morning. If you explain I’m sure you understand.