Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want people to come into our bedroom when they come over

137 replies

thetwinkletoescollective · 09/03/2018 21:23

My husband and I gutted and did up our house about three years ago.

When we have people come over my husband wants them to see all the rooms including our bedroom. When it was first done he would show people the all of the house.

I really didn't like it as I am of the opinion that the master bedroom is private and I have said that I don't want people to come in there.

Anyway he has a friend coming over who has never seen the house and he has just asked me if he can show him our room. I have said no. He says IAMBU as it's just a room.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Adventuritis · 09/03/2018 21:24

Really? What on earth are you worried about??

LimonViola · 09/03/2018 21:25

YANBU. It's a shared space and both you and your husband have to be happy to show it to others for it to be shown!

It seems more important to me that you get your privacy respected than for this random guest to see your bedroom for a few seconds.

Does your husband respect that or is he pushing to show them anyway?

greenmagpie · 09/03/2018 21:26

He can show them the room but if he ever even hints at saying 'this is where the magic happens' then LTB.

Original poster
thetwinkletoescollective · 09/03/2018 21:28

I am not worried about anything. Its a very pretty room.

For me its symbolic that there is one little space which is not open for the world.

Also when I go to other people's houses I rarely even go upstairs let alone into people's bedrooms.

Yes, he is being quite forceful about the whole thing. Saying why can't I put his feelings above his own in this matter.

OP posts:
reallyanotherone · 09/03/2018 21:30

I think yabu to be honest.

It’s not as if they’re going to want to have a look in all the drawers and cupboards. They’re going to walk in, say how lovely it is/ like what you’ve done with the walls, then leave.

Out door is usually open anyway, so people can have a fairly good nosey walking past to the bathroom. Do you keep the door closed? What is it you don’t want people to see? Is it some sort of “AND THIS IS WHERE WE HAVE SEX” kind of thing?

It’s a room. No different to showing him the “AND THIS IS WHERE WE POO” bathrooms...

Original poster
thetwinkletoescollective · 09/03/2018 21:30

*why can't I put his feelings above my own

OP posts:
Bluelady · 09/03/2018 21:31

I think you're being ridiculous.

Worieddd · 09/03/2018 21:33

I also think you’re bein ridiculous.

Symbolic?! Lol

hibbledibble · 09/03/2018 21:33

We have also done house renovations and people ask to see, usually because they are thinking of doing the same themselves!

So I think yabu. Maybe let dp do the tour if you are uncomfortable?

Original poster
thetwinkletoescollective · 09/03/2018 21:33

reallyanotherone Smile

I think I its a boundary thing. My husband has no boundaries and I am a lot more private than him naturally. I have felt embarrassed and upset by him crossing my personal boundaries.

Maybe in this case I want him to respect a boundary I have set.

OP posts:
Original poster
thetwinkletoescollective · 09/03/2018 21:34

This is why I put it AIBU because I wanted to know the consensus!LOL!

OP posts:
MinisWin · 09/03/2018 21:35

I’m totally on your side OP. I HATE anyone going upstairs, never mind in to our bedroom unless I’ve had plenty prior warning to sweep for knickers on the floor, and even then only if absolutely necessary. He should respect the fact you don’t want anyone there. Presumably there’s plenty of other bits of house to show!

MinisWin · 09/03/2018 21:36

Strikethrough fail 🤦🏼‍♀️...

Gide · 09/03/2018 21:37

So this is more about boundaries and him crossing them, making you uncomfortable? It’s not really about the bedroom? Is it more about making him pay attention and listen to you? I’m a little confused, showing someone your bedroom is ok, they’re not cocking their leg on it!

Original poster
thetwinkletoescollective · 09/03/2018 21:37

That's what I said! Show them the other rooms!

OP posts:
Original poster
thetwinkletoescollective · 09/03/2018 21:37

Could this be an introvert/extrovert split thing?

OP posts:
Peachyking000 · 09/03/2018 21:38

I hear you. I hate feeling under pressure to have every room tidy for guests to view, rather than just the reception rooms

Panda81 · 09/03/2018 21:40

It's not an introvert/extrovert thing.

I'm an introvert and I'd have no problem showing friends my room if it doesn't look like a shithole

Bluelady · 09/03/2018 21:40

God help you if you ever put it on the market.

Original poster
thetwinkletoescollective · 09/03/2018 21:42

How do I come to a compromise in this?

I said he could take a picture of the room and show it to them - now that would be ridiculous! So that clearly isn't a solution.

I do need one though because he has become grumpy and I have become withdrawn...ahh the joys of marriage.

OP posts:
Member984815 · 09/03/2018 21:44

I'm with you . There is no way I want anyone going in my room ever.

Chienrouge · 09/03/2018 21:46

I’m an introvert and couldn’t give a shit about anyone seeing my bedroom. As long as there were no pants on the floor.

Bluelady · 09/03/2018 21:50

Just let him show them the room. They're going to be imagining a dominatrix's boudoir if they're not allowed to see it.

Wintertime4 · 09/03/2018 21:52

Why ask you if he doesn’t respect your feelings?!

LTB obviously

Theresasmayshoes11 · 09/03/2018 21:53

Go do hate this. People insisting on showing you their renovations. Boring as fuck. Tell your dh to stop. It’s like a toddler going ‘look at me look st me’ Wink

Swipe left for the next trending thread