To not want people to come into our bedroom when they come over

[thetwinkletoescollective]

My husband and I gutted and did up our house about three years ago.

When we have people come over my husband wants them to see all the rooms including our bedroom. When it was first done he would show people the all of the house.

I really didn't like it as I am of the opinion that the master bedroom is private and I have said that I don't want people to come in there.

Anyway he has a friend coming over who has never seen the house and he has just asked me if he can show him our room. I have said no. He says IAMBU as it's just a room.

AIBU?

I'm with the OP.

When I was about 15 my parents converted the loft and it became 'my' bedroom. Except it wasn't my bedroom. Every fucker who knocked on the door was ordered to 'come and see our loft conversion'.

I left at 17. I need my privacy. Need it. It's important.

One of the reasons I can't stand SiL is because she'll go into our room/sit on the bed. Makes me feel tarnished and invaded.

I don’t like visitors going upstairs and wouldn’t like them going in my bedroom

It’s a bedroom. It is not an extension of you. The man won’t know your innermost thoughts or violate you if he sees your tastefully renovated bedroom.

It's just a room. Four walls and a bed I would imagine.
I would have no problem with it.

I totally lack boundaries and say no way.

Ur BOTH BR.

U for being so precious about a room, him being insensitive to your obvious upset.

DH says he's with you so that's another no

DS says absolutely no way

I think what matters is that the OP will feel uncomfortable in her own home if her H insists on showing people the bedroom. (Unless it's a spectacular room and the visitor has a definite interest in interior design, then the visitor won't care anyway.)

Does your H have a general tendency to overrule you, though, OP?

DD1 says yes if it's a mutual friend bit otherwise she's a no

DS2 says why would your DH do that? Absolutely NO!!!!

Dd2 says Bring it on - I think that means yes

You are not being ridiculous. I feel exactly the same way and I don't want anyone going into my bedroom aside from my children. Luckily, my husband feels the same. I don't think it's unreasonable AT ALL to want just one private space in your life which happens to be in your own damn home. If some people don't mind having randoms traipsing through their bedroom, more power to them, but count me out.

It's a room, unless you have a gimp
Outfit and a big fat dildo on show then who cares?

Ok so this is my concern about it.

People are noisy, so if your DH shows the whole house EXCEPT your room their curiosity with be piqued. So they may spend further visits looking for openings to get a peek. They may not do this consciously but peopl are curious creatures.

So if it were me I would say during a whole house tour they get a brief look, but that's it. This period of 'home tours' will probably only last a coup,e of months and then there should be no reason for people to ever be in there again.

What do you think?

I really hate the 'tour of the house' thing.

I was trapped recently by the parents of one of my DC's friends. I only went in for a cup of tea whilst dropping off & I was given a full tour which, incidentally, included the inner sanctum master bedroom.

It was utterly excruciating but I was very polite and listened attentively to the entire renovation story and gushed in admiration & awe at every opportunity.

compromise. ?do utterly privacy things(which may be incredibly memorable,personal and between you two)in every room in the house. now its all special.

I predict you’ll get a 50/50 split on this OP, and the thread will run for 25 pages!

There was a thread just before Xmas where a poster asked if she was BU to refuse to give a pushy dinner guest a tour of the upstairs of her newly-renovated house and it turned into one of the biggest bunfights I’ve seen 😂.

My opinion - I would personally be fine with someone seeing our room but your husband is BU to be arsy when you’re so against it.

Away from your room! It's private - keep out!

No way should anyone go in your room if you don't want them to. Your negative outweighs his positive, I can't stand people not respecting boundaries. Why should they feel entitled?

At New Year my df went up and used our spare bathroom which he knows my dh uses for his life saving medical equipment. It is vital it is kept hygienic at all times. I was busy cooking dinner for everyone and dh was getting drinks. My df even climbed over a load of bin bags full of stuff to go to the dump to get to the bathroom. Ffs!

They don't need to go in as part of the tour - bloke stands in doorway, gestures at paint choices and furniture, guest goes ooh, lovely, job done! It's not like they're going to be rummaging through drawers or criticising your duvet cover choices...

Hello, I'm a bloke.

No, you're not being unreasonable.

I think your husband is wrong - I think he should respect your feelings in this instance. However, in any relationship, there are differences like this (For example: I want to go to Ireland on holiday; other half wants to go to Sri Lanka; we can only afford one.*)

The only advice I can give is get home somewhere neutral, get a drink down him and a good meal, then explain slowly how you feel. Explore the possibility of a compromise, if you can think of one.

*That was a hypothetical example.

YANBU there such a thing as privacy.

YABU

"Hello, I'm a bloke"

Did you really just type that?

Congratulations