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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want people to come into our bedroom when they come over

137 replies

thetwinkletoescollective · 09/03/2018 21:23

My husband and I gutted and did up our house about three years ago.

When we have people come over my husband wants them to see all the rooms including our bedroom. When it was first done he would show people the all of the house.

I really didn't like it as I am of the opinion that the master bedroom is private and I have said that I don't want people to come in there.

Anyway he has a friend coming over who has never seen the house and he has just asked me if he can show him our room. I have said no. He says IAMBU as it's just a room.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Franklyyes · 09/03/2018 22:59

I don't get the showing people round your house ... what if they think omg this is dreadful lol.... and they pretend .. oh how lovely. I would not offer or encourage the looking round the house. We all have different tastes and ideas

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/03/2018 23:00

Yabu. It’s a one off look for friends and family the first time round. I love looking round friends houses if they offer. It’s just a bedroom which will have someone’s attention for oooh all of about 30 seconds. It’s nice your DH is proud of your home.

melj1213 · 09/03/2018 23:00

TBH I have never understood what is so precious about a bedroom ... the only difference between it and every other room in the house is the furniture and function.

It's not like he's going to go through your cupboards, bounce on the bed and then settle in to take a nap, I would assume your DH will stand in the doorway let him have a look and then move on.

I am not fussed about my bedroom but then DD and I live in a 2 bed terrace with the bedrooms just going off the top of the stairs. Because there's no real space to manoeuvre when the doors are closed (especially if I'm bringing washing etc up/down) I tend to leave both my and DDs bedroom doors open.

If DD brings friends round or if her cousins come over they tend to go up and play in her room and so anyone who wants to peek in my room can do. But if they do then the worst they might see is a pile of laundry waiting to be put away or a bin waiting to be brought down and emptied as I usually keep my room fairly straightened up anyway.

KarmaStar · 09/03/2018 23:01

If let him open the door,not go in.over and done in ten seconds.
That could be a compromise OP?
Really not worth arguing about,life is too short and the atmosphere when his friend arrived will be awful.
Plus one day you may really want to show the room to someone,it would all kick off again!

RemainOptimistic · 09/03/2018 23:13

YANBU.

I don't care if someone looks at my bedroom, but I definitely felt uncomfortable going into bedrooms when I was doing house viewings. They're personal spaces not public.

Your husband should respect your wishes. It's not like anyone is going to die or break their leg as a result of not seeing the bedroom.

Cfarmer · 09/03/2018 23:27

Evelynismycatsformerspyname it depends who your are giving a 'house tour' to. If you are proud of the work you've done to the upstairs and want to show it off to a friend or family member then it's different. No part of your house is a public space anyway.
Bedrooms are actually more interesting to see than a boring functional dining room.

BluebellCockleshell123 · 09/03/2018 23:28

I'm pretty outgoing and sociable but absolutely would not like this at all.

I keep the downstairs of the house really tidy and clean but have (ahem) more relaxed standards in the bedrooms upstairs. I also think of my bedroom as my space and I don't really like people in it apart from DP and dcs. Fair enough if friends are staying over and need to use my hairdryer or something. But just to "see" it? Nah.

parkermoppy · 09/03/2018 23:43

i think YABU, although i do understand what you mean about boundaries.

but for this particular situation, i think it would seem a lot stranger if they completely missed out looking at the bedroom? if its a nice room then be proud of it! if hes respectful in the way he shows the room (quick head pop in) then I think you should respect that he is proud to show it off!

I also recognise this thread, from a few months ago someone posted one almost identical!

ohnomoresnow · 09/03/2018 23:44

Just hide your dildos and handcuffs in a locked drawer..

Cfarmer · 10/03/2018 00:27

ohnomoresnow
Just hide your dildos and handcuffs in a locked drawer..

Lol exactly what I was thinking. Sure you can look around, just wait while I take down the paddling table and put the whips n crotchless latex suits away.

NoKnownFather · 10/03/2018 00:35

OP I'm with you and can't understand why anyone would want to see your bedroom or any other room. Recently I completed a whole house reno and nobody has seen any of it because I didn't do the reno for anyone else to approve/disapprove.

Also think your DH should respect your boundaries, it's your house as much as it is his, afterall.

TheMaddHugger · 10/03/2018 02:26

doesn't bother me. when we have get togethers everyone stores their purses/bags on my bed

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/03/2018 02:58

YANBU, he is being VU.

Italiangreyhound · 10/03/2018 03:16

I'm going to have to say that on the whole I don't think other people will be that interested in how you have decorated your house.

I think it is a shame he cannot respect your feelings. Surely you count more than random friends seeing his bedroom.

I think in a way you are being unreasonable (as who cares really) BUT as you do feel strongly he should respect you.

"Yes, he is being quite forceful about the whole thing. Saying why can't I put his feelings above my own" He sounds like a prince!

PinotMwah · 10/03/2018 03:22

Personally I also find house tours dull as fuck and the most awful kind of "keeping up with the Jones's" stealth boasting. Can't see the point of them other than to underline to other people that you've got money or taste.

I also can't really understand your preoccupation with wanting to keep other people out of your bedroom.

Having said that, I think the issue isn't really with your bedroom, its with the fact that your husband, knowing you have a problem with it, is not taking your wishes into account.

If he knows its a sore spot for you he should be able to bring himself not to show people -- its no skin off his nose.

teaandtoast · 10/03/2018 05:01

YANBU. My bedrom is private.

claraschu · 10/03/2018 05:38

I am happy for anyone to see our messy bedroom. It has a cool tiny priest's hole like bathroom, very old and very quirky, so actually quite fun to look at...
I figure that the worst feeling someone will get is a bit of a chance to feel superior to me because I am so messy and disorganised, and I don't grudge anyone the pleasure of feeling superior to me.

We often give our bedroom to guests because it has the most comfy bed and the ensuite, so I guess we are a bit weird and lacking in "boundaries".
I also feel that much more intimate secrets are revealed by a good look at our living room bookshelves and kitchen cupboards, than by the sight of my t-shirts and pillowcases.

TheMaddHugger · 10/03/2018 05:41

@claraschu I had to Google that, looks fun

FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin · 10/03/2018 06:06

YANBU

Some cultures do this as the bedroom is an intimate, private place. Some don’t even have their own children in.

QuestionableMouse · 10/03/2018 06:10

I'm with you. I hate strangers in my bedroom!

FlouncyDoves · 10/03/2018 06:12

As long as he hides your whips and chains away first, what’s the big deal?

ScreamingLevitation · 10/03/2018 06:30

I would hate it, OP. I don't do house tours. Once had friends announce that they were 'off to have a look round' and hated that too. (Why? Why? Why? Keep your beaks out)

I did grow up in a house where going in DM and DF's bed room was a once-a-year treat for the sole purpose of opening birthday presents (you can imagine my bafflement when I first heard of co-sleeping).

LoveEricLove · 10/03/2018 06:46

Wouldn't bother me.

As an aside, surprised at all the people who apparently leave dirty knickers on the floor.

GrannyGrissle · 10/03/2018 07:04

What on earth is wrong with 'hello i'm a bloke?'. Some serious oddbods on MN.
Does DH's friend even WANT a tacky, boring and pretentious house tour?

Original poster
thetwinkletoescollective · 10/03/2018 07:56

Thanks so much for everyone's comments.

I have never had a thread with so many comments before. (see my one in Weight loss chat where I am essentially talking to myself!!)

So it is really a 50/50 split. Its reassuring to me that my feelings are shared by so many but also that there is space to step back from it.

It is really about boundaries more than the space and having them respected.

I also agree with what it the deal with house tours - we did do a nice job like anyone married to a builder knows - its never ever finished! They had to go on to their next job!

OP posts: