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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want people to come into our bedroom when they come over

137 replies

thetwinkletoescollective · 09/03/2018 21:23

My husband and I gutted and did up our house about three years ago.

When we have people come over my husband wants them to see all the rooms including our bedroom. When it was first done he would show people the all of the house.

I really didn't like it as I am of the opinion that the master bedroom is private and I have said that I don't want people to come in there.

Anyway he has a friend coming over who has never seen the house and he has just asked me if he can show him our room. I have said no. He says IAMBU as it's just a room.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Peeetle · 10/03/2018 08:02

I’d rather show my bedroom than walk a guest past a shut door and be forced to say ‘you can’t go in there’. But if you don’t like the idea your dh should just drop it.

Dh is definitely with you becausehe thinks your dh should respect your feelings and it’s not a big deal anyway. Plus the guest will be relieved to have one less room to admire.

I loathe boastful house tours

clockworklime · 10/03/2018 08:03

I’m guessing you don’t own a toilet brush

MrsRhubarb · 10/03/2018 08:08

I wish people spent more time looking at our bedroom. We have been doing our house up from the top down. Our kitchen is squalid, but our bedroom is beautiful. I'd rather be judged on that than the state of downstairs.

lifeisfullofducks · 10/03/2018 08:12

Your worrying about someone looking in a room for a few seconds. Your husband is proud of the work so let him show it off. After people have been shown round I very much doubt they will see your room again.

Honestly I can't believe the amount of shit topics that get posted on here!

lynmilne65 · 10/03/2018 08:13

I could care less about others bedrooms !Hmm

Justanotherzombie · 10/03/2018 08:18

I can't help but think OP has been told a load of bollox about special spaces and symbolism and deep, feely stuff and bought into it without really thinking. It's a room. It can be your special place, symbolising the deep and private bonds of your marriage even if a few people have glimpsed it briefly. It's not like photographs (which actually steal a piece of your soul...)

Rollonweekend · 10/03/2018 08:45

The only advice I can give is get home somewhere neutral, get a drink down him and a good meal, then explain slowly how you feel.

I’m going to assume this ‘advice from a bloke’ is a piss-take

maddiemookins16mum · 10/03/2018 08:50

In all the years I've been to friends houses, I've never seen more than a handful of main bedrooms, I never see the need. I think it's a private space really.
Call me old fashioned, happy to oblige ☺️

Original poster
thetwinkletoescollective · 10/03/2018 09:05

I have loved some of the answers. I especially like the ones that talk about it all being bollocks. I guess because its so opposite to how I think I find it really refreshing and it makes me laugh.

Update: DH finally said that if it meant that much to me then of course he wouldn't show anyone the bedroom.

DH also much preferred all the answers that supported his point of view and I much preferred the ones that supported mine!

Thanks everyone Smile

OP posts:
Upsidedownandinsideout · 10/03/2018 09:10

Hasn't this come up before and often come down to a regional (or class) divide? I seem to remember everyone from the north fully expecting a house tour while a good number from the south would be horrified.

Fwiw I'm from overseas and think yanbu. To me the bedroom is private and also don't want to have to make it perfectly guest ready each time (am aware lots of people wouldn't bother, but I was brought up that everything must be pristine in guest areas and it's burned deep on my soul now!)

Doobigetta · 10/03/2018 09:14

I agree with you, OP. Bedrooms are private. There's no reason anyone else needs to see them and I'd be unhappy if someone went into mine .

LucheroTena · 10/03/2018 09:19

I couldn’t think of anything worse than a tour around someone’s semi. Why do people feel the need to nose around? I’d never ask.

Love51 · 10/03/2018 09:30

He knows he is unreasonable. Because he bothered to ask you. You don't ask someone if they mind you doing something that is 100% not offensive!

Afternoon · 10/03/2018 09:41

The people who wanted a "tour" of our very ordinary house were middle class southerners.

greenlynx · 10/03/2018 10:07

I don't like people to see my bedroom as I don't want to share too much about my life. The bedroom is very simple and practical , nothing fancy, but nevertheless I don't like it.
I want guests to know that there are boundaries , the house is not open 100%.
DH agrees with me.

LeighaJ · 10/03/2018 10:20

I think you're being unreasonable.

I'm very private but don't mind guests having a quick peek at our bedroom when they first visit. We're pretty picky about who we invite over in the first place though.

DenPerry · 10/03/2018 10:28

I think you're being daft and precious. If it was a mess I could understand.

LucheroTena · 10/03/2018 10:30

Why do people want to see it? It’s just plain nosy ness isn’t it?

greenlynx · 10/03/2018 10:36

Why do people want to see it? It’s just plain nosy ness isn’t it?

This^. That's why I don't want to show it .
And house tours could be very embarrassing for guests, It's just chance to show off for hosts

Curtainshopping · 10/03/2018 10:47

I think you should lounge on the bed in a peephole bra and purr when they come into the room....

Sorry, am on your DH’s side. It’s just a room.

Afternoon · 10/03/2018 11:37

If someone really wants to show you their bedroom they can always offer. Otherwise, assume they do not want to show you. This may be for any reason or no reason other than personal choice. The default should be that you don't ask.

helpfulperson · 10/03/2018 12:07

The problem is it isn't just your room it is also your husbands room unless you have separate bedrooms. So why is your right to not want to show your room greater than his right to show it.

GreenTulips · 10/03/2018 13:27

So why is your right to not want to show your room greater than his right to show it.

Because he's not 10 having a play date

topcat2014 · 10/03/2018 13:41

We have DD's one direction duvet cover on our bed ATM, so I would need prior notice to remove it..

Apart from that, just a bit meh,

GnotherGnu · 10/03/2018 17:00

So why is your right to not want to show your room greater than his right to show it.

Because no-one needs to show a bedroom to their friends, and the friends simply don't care anyway. Unless he's very peculiar, he's not going to feel in any way upset if he has to show one room less during the house tour. By contrast, OP needs to feel that her private space is private, and is going to feel uncomfortable at having other people trooping through and nosing at it. Her right not to feel uncomfortable/distressed definitely trumps his right to carry out a totally pointless activity.

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