To feel like my H and friend put me in an awkward position

[singme]

Need to vent.

Long story short- separated from husband (H). Only moved out 2 weeks ago. Partial reason was his close friendship with a mutual friend, let’s call her A.

Was meant to be picking stuff up this evening. Texted H and he was in pub but said he’d be home in half an hour.

I was in the general area already so hung around and then lo and behold he text to say he had just ordered food and why didn’t I join him in pub.

I said no, I’m annoyed, I’m going home. Then I get a text from A, FROM HIS PHONE saying it’s her fault for ordering food, there’s a few of them in the pub and why don’t I come down.

But at this point I’m starving, got dinner ingredients about to go off, in sweaty gym kit and don’t fancy spending my evening watching H eat and drink.

Now I’m embarrassed that A has seen my stroppy texts to H and also annoyed that she got involved like that. Also I’m upset all my friends are in the pub and I’m at home alone. And I’m worried I’ve made it so awkward that no one will invite me out again

AIBU to think that he shouldn’t have shown her my text and she shouldn’t have got involved?

Yep, she’d have done better to keep out of it.

A is not a friend

He shouldn't be letting her have his phone when clearly she's a cuckoo

A is a shit stirrer - is she single?!

He is of course wrong for showing your texts around but she is weird - why reply on his phone?! She could have text you on her own.

Hang on, you separated from your husband and he moved out but he has invited you to the pub tonight with his ‘friend’ and all of your friends?

I suspect her intentions were good, she wanted to see you, maybe also he asked her to do it.

I'd respond and say no worries but just started cooking and back from gym. Catch up later.

She knows you're separated, I doubt she would have been expecting nice texts.

That’s an uncomfortable line they’ve crossed there isn’t it? I’d be very cross in your shoes, and totally understand why you’re feeling put out and in a weird position now. I don’t know what to advise though, except put a rocket up your DHs ass when he comes home, and to keep a very bloody close eye on the friend in the future.

Let it go. Life is too short x

That’s fucking horrible.

The horrible bastards all of them. She isn’t a friend in any way shape or form and you are well rid of your husband.
They are rubbing salt in the wound, insulting you and being cruel.

A separation is nothing to be sniffed at and they give absolutely zero shits about your situation or feelings.

Presumably they aren’t taking the split seriously at all? They certainly don’t act like they are.

Are you a ‘break up/make up’ kind of couple?

let it go?

Sure, just lay down. Let everyone rule you’re life and shit all over you.

Hold on. YOU moved out? So you were hanging around to get in your old house to get your stuff and he just didnt come home? Did you give your key back?

I dont think A is a friend either. Youve just said her realtionship with your husband is the reason youve separated and henisnout with her tonight? Avoid avoid avoid.

So they're both having an emotional affair and are expecting you to watch them from the sidelines? I'd be seeing my solicitor if I were you and getting all my ducks in a row. There's no way I'd make it easy for them to become a couple without a fight.

No we’ve never broken up before, we’ve been together 8 years and married 2 years. His unhappiness in the marriage hit me out of the blue. He thought we could just live as friends. That’s why I moved out, to get him to see what he’s done and that I’m not putting up with it. I feel like going to the pub with them all just minimises it. I’m glad I’m not unreasonable to think that!

Why the fuck would his special "friend" who you split up over think that texting you over his phone saying they were having dinner together in the pub with all your friends would make you want to go there with them? "oh he's only ordered food because of me..." Well woop-te-fucking-do for you. Innocent intentions my fucking arse. You're well rid of both cunts imo.

Sorry OP I had to read your past posts in case I was being sucked in by a troll.

Your friend is an arsehole.

Your H might have MH issues but right now this moment MH aside they are both being prize cunts and you don’t deserve it.

Don’t be a door mat. Get WELL rid.

So maybe he was just having a drink in the pub and then the friends turned up and he decided to join them?
But he shouldn’t have shown her your texts. She should’ve text you from her own phone.

Your husband has his cake and he’s eating it.

He can’t be fucked with the marriage (no effort) he openly fancies the mutual friend.
He wants out of the marriage, you comply, he has the house.
So he gets the freedom, the friends, the pub, the support, the house and the fun?

FUCK THAT.

Is it a mortgage or rent?

Things need to change.

Go to the pub, nice and smiley, get the keys and tell them you’ll be back soon.

Go to the house, and double lock the doors.

Job done.

No there was 3 of them and they planned to meet. I don’t think there is anything going to happen with them now but it’s yet another example of him putting her before me.

It sounds like we’re all teenagers, it’s like he’s regressed!

She just text me from her phone as well to ask if I’m ok. And he text to say he didn’t think it would be a big deal for me to pop into the pub yeah but I didn’t want to do that so soon after I moved out! Or ever.

It’s rented. I have taken my name off the lease and cancelled my direct debits for the bills. I moved out cos I wanted a clean break and a new place, and I knew he’d be hanging around if I stayed and he left. I’m saving to buy a new place and taking all the invites I can get from new friends.

I went round the other day with my keys, it’s a shit tip now, he can’t afford to stay there without me anyway. I paid the majority of all the rent and bills. I know he’s been unwell and I feel so torn but also so glad to be out of it.

She is not your friend.

Go round early tomorrow morning when's he hungover and get your stuff then. He will be too 'tired' to talk / rant / whatever he wanted to get you in the pub for.

I'd just block her. She has crossed a line.

Sounds like he doesn't really believe you have broken up. Does he think you will get back together?

Can you get any of your friends together for a last minute drink so you aren't sitting at home on your own?

I know he’s been unwell but I feel torn

Do not feel torn.

Torn between what? A shit DH and a shit friend?
There’s nothing to feel torn between.
All they have done tonight is cement the exact reason why you are best out of it.

I would go round tomorrow morning at 10am, get all your stuff and make a clean break.

Fuck them.

I think you stonewall A. Dont get rude or nasty just go for complete indifference. Eventually she wont be part of your social circle.

Your Husband wants to be the good guy. I think you need to go no contact for awhile.

It sounds like there’s a BIG back story.

I hope it all works out for the best for you 🌷

I think you reply to A and just say, you're fine, but really busy and can't afford for your ex to mess you around as you have plans. (Cooking yourself dinner is a plan).
Just stay polite and boring, don't give either of them ammunition, don't feel guilty and just focus on slogging through the breakup and getting documents signed so you can get them out of your life.