To feel like my H and friend put me in an awkward position

[singme]

Need to vent.

Long story short- separated from husband (H). Only moved out 2 weeks ago. Partial reason was his close friendship with a mutual friend, let’s call her A.

Was meant to be picking stuff up this evening. Texted H and he was in pub but said he’d be home in half an hour.

I was in the general area already so hung around and then lo and behold he text to say he had just ordered food and why didn’t I join him in pub.

I said no, I’m annoyed, I’m going home. Then I get a text from A, FROM HIS PHONE saying it’s her fault for ordering food, there’s a few of them in the pub and why don’t I come down.

But at this point I’m starving, got dinner ingredients about to go off, in sweaty gym kit and don’t fancy spending my evening watching H eat and drink.

Now I’m embarrassed that A has seen my stroppy texts to H and also annoyed that she got involved like that. Also I’m upset all my friends are in the pub and I’m at home alone. And I’m worried I’ve made it so awkward that no one will invite me out again

AIBU to think that he shouldn’t have shown her my text and she shouldn’t have got involved?

Yeah I said to her that I didn’t realise she was there, but I really didn’t want to socialise with H and I had to get home anyway.

I guess the backstory is that H doesn’t even have the balls to break up with me properly, wants to keep me hanging on, and doesn’t realise the seriousness of the situation. Writing it down makes me realise how awful it all is though. I just need to move on!

bag his stuff up and leave it at the door.. block them both .. they are twisted DICKS .. and she is LOVING this

Are h and a an item? It seems like they might be?!

As several pp have said A is not your friend. At best she seems to be enjoying the drama (texting from his phone ) and is very likely having a flirtation (texting from his phone again ).

This has many similarities to what happened with me. Exh's 'A' is now his fiancé.

A sounds like she's all over your ex. Did someone say Cuckoo?

Ok sorry to go on but I do like an update. I finally got into the flat to get more stuff, I asked H if there was anyone else and he didn’t answer at first, then got annoyed that I had “ambushed him” and then denied it. On the night of the OP he said he “went home early as he didn’t feel like staying out”.

I have also seen friend A. On asking about her weekend she said she also went home early on Friday night . She has also been getting lifts to work with my H every day and they’ve started an evening class together . She also mentioned that she is thinking of splitting up with her boyfriend.

This is all very odd.

I KNOW the best revenge is living well, and I should just bow out and let them get on with it, but I also kind of agree with the poster above who said don’t make it easy for them. And I want him to admit it to me that he has left me for someone else!!

What can I do? There’s nothing I can do is there? See a solicitor, distance myself from Friend A, who seems totally clueless and inappropriate still, and move on?

Tell friend A all his worst disgusting habits and why you are glad to be with him and how you pity the girl who has him next

And then yes see a solicitor

Without him obviously not with!

Say to A that you and H have been sleeping together. Maybe even say he's begging to have you back etc. See how she reacts and if you get an angry confrontation from H.

Not the best idea but it may be an attempt to suss out the truth.

A sent the message from your DH's phone on purpose to let you know he was with her. She had probably ordered food to prevent him leaving on time, then suggested he should invite you so you would see them both there. Your DH might just be a bit of an idiot, but she is absolutely definitely up to no good, whether she actually wants a relationship with him, or just to pamper her ego at your expense.

I must say you don't seem that bothered about losing your husband though?

I can remember previous posts and tbh, things have never seemed to be stress free and simple, so I would cut my loses and leave them to it, you've wasted enough time and emotional energy on him.

It may be his depression, or he may be an out and out cheat/game player, but either way, at least he isn't your problem anymore.

Do what you have to do legally and thank your lucky stars that it's over and done with.

Sorry I didn’t see these replies, I’ve had a horrendous sleepless night thinking about them together. I am devastated that I’ve lost him, but to the poster who said I didn’t seem bothered, maybe I am now starting to see that there’s nothing I can do, I’ve lost him, and I’m better off out of it.

I did think to tell her that I’d been sleeping with him, but then I thought, if they are getting together I’d rather know about it sooner, and playing games might mean it gets hidden from me for longer.

To be honest I’m considering going back to my parents for a while to hide under the duvet and let them all get on with it. Yesterday when I posted I was all up for some elaborate plan to find them out, but today I am just too exhausted from the whole thing

I think you need to think of yourself here OP. if it were me I'd block and delete her and leave them to it and concentrate on making myself happy. She's a shitty friend but unfortunately you do find out who your real friends are when relationships break down x

op

He may or may not be aware of what’s going on but she definitely is after him. I’d say his depression is a smoke screen. He’s putting her before you. And she knows it.

I’m sorry but I’d block her & him & see a solicitor.

We ll I think it's pretty obvious. Cut the ties and don't speak to them again.

Divorce him and move on. Life is too short to waste time on people that are willing to treat you like this.

She’ll be loving the drama and he will be loving all the attention.

As soon as he realises you’ve moved on I’m sure he’ll come to his senses because I’ve no doubt he thinks you’re hanging around and waiting for him.

Tell him you deserve better, and tell her she is welcome to him and his shitty behaviour as well.

If you have no kids cut your losses and run sounds like he is the type to go from one set of arms to another

A is a right stirrer. If she’s not sleeping eith him, she definitely wants to. She’s no kind of friend. Sounds like you’re better off without them both.

So he wanted to live as friends in the home that you paid most of the rent and bills for?

He sounds like a cocklodging coward, and it sounds like you can do a whole lot better than him and your hopefully ex-friend.

You haven’t lost him you’ve gained your freedom back from a man child who likes to fuck with your feelings. Friend A doesn’t care about you if she did she’d be remaining neutral instead of shit stirring. Give them both a wide berth and look after yourself for a bit. You don’t need these people in your life. Definitely don’t start pretending you’re still sleeping with him, why give them the satisfaction of joining in with their stupid games.

Leave it three months and then just a simple text to her by 'mistake' saying hi exh just to let you know I've finally had the results back and thankfully you havent passed on your sti to me. Please don't endanger anyone else like you did me. Take care and best wishes.

Then block them both.

By then they will have had sex and you will leave a little nugget from which they will never quite recover, meanwhile you will be dancing merrily through some cornfields with your new Adonis! :)

Honestly - they sound like bitchy school kids. They have, apparently, got what they wanted - sounds like she is having second thoughts and not committing. Sounds like he is a knob head who also doesn't know what he wants. You've split - what's with the come down the pub with me from him. Totally bollox. Please ignore and please stop being nice ie worrying that A has seen your whingey text.
Surely you don't plan to remain their 'friend'. Just stay away and plan your new and much happier life.

Oh I bet he's just loving the idea of two women wanting him and 'fighting over him'! Get yourself out of the game, make it very clear that she is welcome to him (sounds like he's no loss, let her pay his bills and do his cleaning, see how desirable he is then). Send him a 'clean break' text and cut all contact. Live your life and be fabulous.

YANBU

Your STBXh is not behaving well, and neither is A. Your STBX is thoughtless and clearly quite selfish. I hope you had a ni e quiet evening feeling good after your gym work out - and thanking the goddess that you’ll soon not have to put up with his carelessness for you.

It sounds as though he wants to have his cake and eat it too. “Separating” but “living as friends”? That’s bollocks. He wants a wife on tap, and a girlfriend. Tell him to take a running jump.

Poor you OP. Visiting your parents and hiding under your duvet for the weekend is a good idea. It's ok to grieve for the loss of your marriage/what you thought life might have been.

Your H is putting her first because it makes him feel special/exciting. Once the hum drum and drudgery hits (which it will them both) he'll probably realise what a mistake he's made.

It will take time to rebuild your life, but it will be worth it. At some point you will find happiness again. Surround yourself with lovely people. Cut A from your life (you can do this reasonably,' it's a break and there are sides. He needs you, I'm fine without you thank you.' It's more than she deserves but will make you feel (rightly so) that you are so much more of a better person.