To feel like my H and friend put me in an awkward position

[singme]

Need to vent.

Long story short- separated from husband (H). Only moved out 2 weeks ago. Partial reason was his close friendship with a mutual friend, let’s call her A.

Was meant to be picking stuff up this evening. Texted H and he was in pub but said he’d be home in half an hour.

I was in the general area already so hung around and then lo and behold he text to say he had just ordered food and why didn’t I join him in pub.

I said no, I’m annoyed, I’m going home. Then I get a text from A, FROM HIS PHONE saying it’s her fault for ordering food, there’s a few of them in the pub and why don’t I come down.

But at this point I’m starving, got dinner ingredients about to go off, in sweaty gym kit and don’t fancy spending my evening watching H eat and drink.

Now I’m embarrassed that A has seen my stroppy texts to H and also annoyed that she got involved like that. Also I’m upset all my friends are in the pub and I’m at home alone. And I’m worried I’ve made it so awkward that no one will invite me out again

AIBU to think that he shouldn’t have shown her my text and she shouldn’t have got involved?

I agree with pp, take control back of the situation! Clean break, divorce, and know that in a year's time you'll be a happier person for it. Of course you feel sad now, you're grieving the relationship you thought you had! Indifference will come

What Zap said.

If they are on the brink of getting together or are already together there is not much you can do without looking like you want him back. He does not seem like a catch and A will realise this later and look foolish to have lost a friend to be with him and the people around her will feel the same.

Have zero contact with them both and move on in a positive way that shows that the loss is not with you. Do some really exciting things hobbie, new job, Holliday and leave them to fuck about in a dirty flat.

you might not need a solicitor if there are no finances to be resolved.

They are both enjoying the forbidden romance.

Let them have each other and see how long it lasts when reality kicks in and he's got to find a cheaper flat.

There'll be no romance when he invites her back to a cheap, shit tip of a flat for a night of lurve - dirty sheets are a right turn off. When he's on the bones of his arse she'll move on to someone else.

Good luck with your new life!

It is far more intense and exciting when it's forbidden. The quicker you let them know you don't want him and she's welcome to him, the sooner it'll just become a normal relationship. And as others have said, once she realises the main job is to pay for him and clean house, it might not be so rosy.

Don't give them any fodder for a star crossed story of their union. Don't become their wicked ex-wife who tried to stop their unstoppable love ( vom).
Just go. Block. Ignore.

Then they just become the seedy divorcee and the strumpet couple.

Agree with the pp. Make it clear to her she’s welcome to him and you consider yourself well rid. Move on with head held high.

He sounds like a loser who you have subsidised for far too long.
Focus on yourself and your own needs.

You can’t stop people getting together if they are determined to do so. Even if they do become an item who’s to say they won’t break up in time, doesn’t mean they are soulmates!

Yes the best revenge is always to live well. Getting over someone by getting under someone else has always worked well for me. So I’d get on Tinder abs get swiping personally. Fuck him.

These responses are awesome, thank you

And one more thing, so what if you didn't appear fully balanced and wonderful during the texting? Your marriage has just broken down ffs, you are allowed to be emotional/unhinged/angry/upset and so on. Also you'd made an arrangement and had been let down. Even without a marriage breakdown that's annoying.

They deserve each other. You, however, deserve better.

I agree Senior ta, better to let it all out on ex rather than let it fester. Cheaper than therapy!

You are handling this with total class and dignity. Focus on saving for your house and training at the gym (break up bodies are sich a morale booster) Spend time with family and good friends and cut off A and A Hole. It doesn't matter one jot wether they are/aren't/do/don't/were whatever it's all done with from your perspectve and fine tooth combing it for clues will only hurt you more.
Once Cocklodging Cunt realises you don't want him and won't wait for/chase him his relationship may well go tits up as he blames A for losing you but meh! Who cares? He's no doubt going to lose his hovel of a home and then he'll be on his arse while you save up for a house of your own. It hurts like a bastard now i know but one day sooner or later you'll no doubt feel the cloud life and realise how fabulous it is to be free from that tosser!

*lift not life!

Really interesting that she replied on his phone. There’d be no reason to do that, other than to let you know she’s seen your messages. And then she subsequently texts you on her phone, so it’s not like she’s out of battery. It’s like she wants you to know she has that level of intimacy with him.

She’s not a friend.

My 2 cents: thank every god you can think of that you're not falling for his BS. Can you imagine the years you'd waste if he was actually magnetic enough that you overlooked how boring, predictable and downright cliched passive moronic he was? Instead you can breeze through the divorce and find someone who actually not only just want to be with you, but who has enough energy to make you feel happy and wanted.

Yes, I can’t wait. Just had a long phone chat with my oldest friend who said the same thing you’ve all said. She really is welcome to him, and I just have to manage my anger and concentrate on moving on. Can’t be bothered being fake friends with her, if it means I need a new circle of friends so be it! Going to spend time with some nice people for once.

I wonder how long they have been together. I'd say it sounds like he was cheating on you OP. Your ex friend is welcome to him.

He's cheating on you. She's a dipshit. Fuck the pair of them. Rise above, rise above!

FINAL UPDATE

Just to show that rising above works out in the end.

So STBXH and A have continued their merry dance. I even bumped into them having a cosy lunch on the way to an important work meeting. They’ve been on a distillery tour, bike rides, cinema and even posted pics on social media
I was enraged, but spent the weekend at my parents trying to just get on with things. I resisted the urge to sink to their level but it was bloody hard!!

Anyway I spoke to STBXH last night on the phone about the flat lease, he mentioned he had enough drama in his life. “How so?” I said.

Apparently a mutual friend has sat him and A down and told them their behaviour is cruel and inappropriate to me and A’s boyfriend, and they are acting like a couple!

STBXH took this on board but A apparently has had a huge strop, slagging me off at every turn saying she can’t understand the problem.

STBXH said he didn’t realise she was so immature and self absorbed . I would suggest he looks in a mirror.

I said “that’s nice dear, you have fun sorting that out” and returned to my book, cup of tea and drama free life.

Not my circus, not my monkeys

Interesting

Brilliant. Hope that all your friends take that line and ostracise them. Serves them both right. God only knows why she's slagging you off but I think she's shown her true colours. You are behaving with incredible dignity, OP, hats off to you.

It does sound like youbare best off out if it. Once you get through the rough, you will know it - if you don't already. Don't feel torn, don't, he has torn right through your wedding vows. Where is the live and loyalty when he puts another woman before you.

I agree with the others 'A' is not your friend and probably never has been your friend. I imagine she is one of the 'I get along with men better than women' which means she wants the drama of men fawning over her.

What does her boyfriend make of her trysts with your husband? Surely he must think its odd?

She thinks I’m overreacting apparently and can’t see why I’d be upset at their closeness. Not a shred of empathy and she’s just pissed off someone called her out on her behaviour. Glad I never said anything as it would obviously have fallen on deaf ears.

Yeah she did once say to me that she got along with men better than women!

What an idiot! Both of them. Yeah I’m much happier out of it!

You can take pleasure in knowing that it's likely that everybody sees how immature and cruel they have both been. You get to walk away with your head held high and they already look pathetic. How embarrassing for them! Sounds like you are already doing better and have great things to look forward to, like the house you are saving for.