Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was dd being unreasonable not to give up best seat for old man?

391 replies

deno · 09/03/2018 18:53

DD1 is in her first year at uni in London, studying politics, and regularly attends talks given by politicians at different universities/lecture halls across London.

She was attending a talk by a Lib Dem MP at Queen Mary's - she'd been to the lecture theatre there before, so knew where the speaker would sit, and where in the lecture theatre she needed to sit to have the best view - the aisle seats on the left hand side of the centre block of seats. She got there very early, was the first in, and sat down in the nearest to the front aisle seat on that side of the room.

A few minutes later, an old man walks in, and looks like he wants to sit in the same row, so DD stands up to let him past her. But instead of walking past, he says to her, "Aren't you going to move up then?". She says that she wants the aisle seat, and he replies, "Well, I was hoping to sit there." She points out that she is happy to let him get past her into the same row, or the aisle seat in the row behind is available, but he starts insisting that his eyesight is too bad and sitting one foot further back will mean he won't be able to see.

At this point, DD sat down and just stopped talking to him. He huffed loudly and sat down in the row behind her, and then kept muttering to himself about how awful young people these days are, until the talk started.

Was DD being unreasonable not to give up the best seat to the old man?

OP posts:
w12newmum · 09/03/2018 20:08

Not unreasonable not to move but they both sound rude. Also, it’s annoying when people sit in the aisle and everyone has to ask to get past. How good a view do you really need for a lecture.

KerplunkChampion · 09/03/2018 20:09

In my experience, a lot of older male academics are complete fucking dicks.

Here's a video but unfortunately no audience shots that I can see. What a waste! twitter.com/mileendinst/status/965654718210035712?s=21

Justdontknow4321 · 09/03/2018 20:09

Nope, NU.
I wouldn’t of moved either

w12newmum · 09/03/2018 20:10

Yes! bakingdemon

Graphista · 09/03/2018 20:10

Far easier for a young fit adult to move than an older less fit one. Wouldn't have inconvenienced her very much but could have caused him discomfort/inconvenience. I'd expect my dd (not much younger than OP'S) to move and and do so politely and with a smile. NOT because she's a woman but because she has manners and consideration for others not as fit and healthy as herself.

"I'd be ashamed if it was my DD. It wouldn't have made any difference to her to sit one row behind." Same here, if she told me she did this I'd tell her so too!

"at least 70" yea I REALLY wouldn't be impressed with my dd in this situation.

And he certainly wasn't late, op said her dd got there "very early" and he got there just a few minutes later. So it's entirely possible he had planned and did get there fairly early in order to get a seat that suited his needs.

"That describes DD perfectly really - she always plans ahead for every event to maximise what she gets out of it, and she hates being taken for a mug!" Actually that just makes her sound rigid and inflexible.

ohnomoresnow · 09/03/2018 20:10

@Weallhavewings

If it was a young person yes it is rude, in an elderly gentleman I would forgive as ageing affects personality and he might not realise or be able to control it, it could be early dementia related, ds has seen this with his grandparents so he gives older people the benefit of the doubt and I would expect him to remain polite and respectful and help out if he could.

Stop making excuses. This man was just bloody rude, through and through. I am sick to fuck of people over 50 being excused for their nasty, shitty behaviour, by the apologists saying 'oooooh but they are OLDDDD, they could have dementia.' And 'you shud give dem respect coz dey is OLD. Bore off! Hmm

@PaddyF0dder
There’s none more entitled than the boomer generation.

Never a truer word was spoken. Some of them are incredibly obnoxious. It's not a generalisation, it's bloody true! Hmm

Agree with @hairycoo that people don't deserve respect just coz hey are a couple of generations older! Respect is EARNED, I don't give a fuck if you are 17 or 77, treat me like a cunt, and I will treat YOU like one.

MummyMuppet2x2 · 09/03/2018 20:11

OP's daughter was not rude. She sounds like an organised, enthusiastic, intelligent and confident young lady.
I'd be proud if my daughter grew up to be like this.
She handled the situation assertively and appropriately. She kept calm and suggested reasonable solutions for a win-win outcome. Rudeness on her part would be telling him to foxtrot oscar, or losing her temper....

I am at a loss as to how anyone can view this as rudeness from the OP's DD Confused

ohnomoresnow · 09/03/2018 20:12

Anyone who arrives first and sits on the end of an aisle rather than moving up into the middle is being a pain in the arse and really inconsiderate of other people arriving later. (I organise a lot of events; this is a real bugbear.) Both of them are as bad as each other.

Bollocks.

If I want the end seat on the aisle, I will go early to get it, and no fucker is going to take it off me, no matter how 'inconsiderate' people say it is. They can kiss my fat ass.

AnneElliott · 09/03/2018 20:14

DD wasn't rude. Bet he wouldn't have been that cheeky to a 6foot bloke!

wakemeupbefore · 09/03/2018 20:14

OP, your DD was rude indeed.

shakeyourcaboose · 09/03/2018 20:14

character traits of the elderly? So as pp have said, at a certain age does being rude become ok? Note l am not including those with a cognitive impairment as those who are 'rude'

IncyWincyGrownUp · 09/03/2018 20:15

She’s ‘rude’ because she didn’t obey the script. She didn’t do as she was damn well told by not only an elder, but a male elder at that. How very fucking dare she eh?

I’m loving this new generation of young women. Finally owning their space in society, be it politely.

PompholyxOfUnknownOrigin · 09/03/2018 20:15

I’m nearly as old as this man is assumed to be, and I think he was extremely rude and entitled. Your daughter was not being unreasonable.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 09/03/2018 20:15

I think your DD should probably have given up the seat out of politeness. She had a preference, he had a need. But he was rude to chunter on about it.

PompholyxOfUnknownOrigin · 09/03/2018 20:17

Yes, and what IncyWincy said^^

sunshinesupermum · 09/03/2018 20:18

They were both rude.

steff13 · 09/03/2018 20:18

Far easier for a young fit adult to move than an older less fit one. Wouldn't have inconvenienced her very much but could have caused him discomfort/inconvenience.

How much discomfort and inconvenience would it have caused him to take the seat directly behind her? She was already in the seat, there were other aisle seats available. He was rude.

Cantusethatname · 09/03/2018 20:18

I hope that my sons would have given up the seat.

halfwitpicker · 09/03/2018 20:19

SWNBU

crazycatgal · 09/03/2018 20:19

Your DD wasn't rude, the old guy was just a typical entitled twat who thought he could get a young woman to move because he wanted the best seat. Respect is earned, it's not given to rude and entitled people just because they're old.

sunshinesupermum · 09/03/2018 20:19

ohnomoresnow just damn all people over 50, why don't you!

ohnomoresnow · 09/03/2018 20:20

@sunshinesupermum

Whoooosh .........

ohnomoresnow · 09/03/2018 20:21

Point flies over @sunshinesupermums head.........

ohnomoresnow · 09/03/2018 20:22

@crazycatgal

Your DD wasn't rude, the old guy was just a typical entitled twat who thought he could get a young woman to move because he wanted the best seat. Respect is earned, it's not given to rude and entitled people just because they're old.

THIS ^ in spades!!!

ohnomoresnow · 09/03/2018 20:22

@IncyWincyGrownUp

She’s ‘rude’ because she didn’t obey the script. She didn’t do as she was damn well told by not only an elder, but a male elder at that. How very fucking dare she eh?

I’m loving this new generation of young women. Finally owning their space in society, be it politely.

Me too!

My nieces, and friend's daughters (AND my own) take no crap from anyone, no matter what the age.

They are polite and courteous to anyone, and everyone (young and old,) the majority of the time, but if someone is a cunt, they are a cunt back, even if they are 70. As I said, respect is EARNED. You do not deserve it purely for being older.

I LOVE it that the young millennial women are so feisty and ballsy. Wish I had been like that. Took me til I was 45 to become like that! Blush