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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was dd being unreasonable not to give up best seat for old man?

391 replies

deno · 09/03/2018 18:53

DD1 is in her first year at uni in London, studying politics, and regularly attends talks given by politicians at different universities/lecture halls across London.

She was attending a talk by a Lib Dem MP at Queen Mary's - she'd been to the lecture theatre there before, so knew where the speaker would sit, and where in the lecture theatre she needed to sit to have the best view - the aisle seats on the left hand side of the centre block of seats. She got there very early, was the first in, and sat down in the nearest to the front aisle seat on that side of the room.

A few minutes later, an old man walks in, and looks like he wants to sit in the same row, so DD stands up to let him past her. But instead of walking past, he says to her, "Aren't you going to move up then?". She says that she wants the aisle seat, and he replies, "Well, I was hoping to sit there." She points out that she is happy to let him get past her into the same row, or the aisle seat in the row behind is available, but he starts insisting that his eyesight is too bad and sitting one foot further back will mean he won't be able to see.

At this point, DD sat down and just stopped talking to him. He huffed loudly and sat down in the row behind her, and then kept muttering to himself about how awful young people these days are, until the talk started.

Was DD being unreasonable not to give up the best seat to the old man?

OP posts:
TheTab · 09/03/2018 21:12

She wasn't unreasonable, he sounds rather entitled. I am pretty sure that the seat next to her enabled him to see what he wanted just as well, he just wanted her seat.

sunshinesupermum · 09/03/2018 21:13

CadyHeron I agree that some people will say anything to excuse OPs daughter. It made little difference to her but because he was rude she decided to be rude back and not move.

Bluelady · 09/03/2018 21:16

They both sound entitled to me.

ohnomoresnow · 09/03/2018 21:17

@HappyPsychopath

I like you more every time you post ohnomoresnow 😄

Blush Grin
CynthiaRothrock · 09/03/2018 21:17

And At the end of the day though would it of really harmed her to do something nice? Would it really effect how.much of it she took in? Would it really make her life better by having that seat? No i don't think so. She's young she has plenty of oppertunitues to go to other lectures. Who knows, today might have been the first time in ages that man has been out, it could even be the last time he ever goes out... thats the problem today its all me me me. Yes look out for yourself and put yourself first but have some bloody compassion for other people. I mean was a seat really THAT big a deal? Its not like in 20years time she will look back and think I'm so glad i sat in that chair on that day i had the best view of a politician that no one can remember the name of.... it's not like she was at a Concert of a Lifetime .... It's petty in the grand scheme of things really....

catkind · 09/03/2018 21:20

OP I think your DD was being perfectly polite, she offered to let him in, or there were other aisle seats available. It's sweet of MN-ers to try to invent convoluted sets of disabilities that would make that particular seat necessary to him and rudeness involuntary, but really sounds more like a rude person trying it on to me. If he is so disabled only a particular seat in the whole hall would do, he could have contacted the organisers in advance and asked for one to be reserved (and they'd probably have put him in the front rows to boot).

TheNavigator · 09/03/2018 21:20

CyntiaRock take everything you said and apply it to the old guy. Has life not taught him anything that it is so important he turfs a young woman out of her seat just to make a point? How petty is that? Could he not show some bloody consideration for a smart young woman who had arrived at the lecture in good time and taken a free seat? Will he look back on his death bed and think 'thank fuck I was a selfish git at that lecture'?

StripySocksAndDocs · 09/03/2018 21:21

Lot of add ons occuring here. This man has incontinence, failing eyesight and mobility problems.

Might as well go the whole hog and have the OP's daughter push him over in a fight over the last seat in the lecture theatre and beat him with his walking stick.

OP's daughter wasn't rude in the slightest. There were plenty of seats the same distance from the front (eyesight issues solved) and others aisle end (imaginary mobility issues solved).

He wanted it for the same reason she did. Being the owner of a penis for 70 years made he think others must defer to him.

Anyone polite wouldn't have asked.

Cel982 · 09/03/2018 21:21

He sounds pretty rude. But at his age, there are much more likely to be reasons why a particular seat will be more comfortable for him. I'm struggling to think of a lecture theatre seating arrangement where one particular seat will have a view so superior to every other seat that your daughter could not find it in herself to act with a little more grace and kindness.

ohnomoresnow · 09/03/2018 21:21

Would it have hurt the MAN to do something nice, and leave the young woman alone in the seat she was sitting in and not fucking demand she MOVES for his entitled fucking ass?! Hmm

We can all play THAT game @cynthiarothrock

Liara · 09/03/2018 21:23

This comes down to his attitude and nothing else. Had he asked kindly and said please, she might well have accommodated him, but instead he acted rude and entitled and she rightly told him to FO.

I have experienced this myself many times. Due to where I live, I get a lot of tourists asking for things. When they are polite and acknowledge that you don't have an obligation to help, but they would be really grateful if they did, we usually do without begrudging it. When they come in demanding help we usually deny them, though it wouldn't cost us much.

Gide · 09/03/2018 21:23

Your dd was not rude and I agree with a pp who asked why an older person should be allowed to be rude and huff and puff because someone more organised was there first. I too need an aisle seat so I can sit comfortably, but I wouldn’t dream of asking someone to move!

sunshinesupermum · 09/03/2018 21:25

Cel982 I agree she should have been the bigger person and just moved seats.

Meanwhile, some people on here seem to think it's fine to turn the discussion into a feminist argument! eg so proud this young woman stood up to the patriarchy lol

Oswin · 09/03/2018 21:26

He could have sat on the same step across the aisle. So no climbing stairs. Or sat next to her. No he decided he wanted her to move. This thread is full of patronising bullshit. I hope when I get old people don't regard me like a naughty toddler. Like a poor ikkle old person. If he would have asked nicely it would have been nice to move. But be didn't did he. He expected her to just get out his way. He was bloody rude. I will be teaching my daughter to be as nice as she can, always shift for anyone who need you too. But I won't be telling her that she needs to do what any man says once he gets past sixty.

ohnomoresnow · 09/03/2018 21:30

@sunshinesupermum

WHY should she have been the 'bigger person?'

'Being the bigger person' meaning 'do as you are told woman.... You are beneath me.'

Fuck that!

Good for her for refusing to move. And do you have a PROBLEM with woman not bowing to the patriarchy and refusing to be pushed around.

Jesus fucking wept!

ohnomoresnow · 09/03/2018 21:31

Why could this man have not been the 'bigger person?'

Or should the wee little lassie have known her place eh @sunshine Hmm

CadyHeron · 09/03/2018 21:32

Lot of add ons occuring here. This man has incontinence, failing eyesight and mobility problems.

The failing eyesight isn't an add on - the OP itself said but he starts insisting that his eyesight is too bad or did you just ignore that bit?
Then utter delights say stuff like "bet he was faking."

sunshinesupermum · 09/03/2018 21:35

ohnomoresnow I meant no such thing as the 'wee lassie knowing her place' at all!

Just courtesy on her behalf and she would be showing the older man up. Simples. BTW can you not win an argument without swearing?

LeighaJ · 09/03/2018 21:35

He could have simply politely asked in the first place instead of being presumptuous and rude.

It's easier to say you would have been the bigger person when it didn't happen to you.

CadyHeron · 09/03/2018 21:35

It's nothing to do with fucking patriarchy or "do as you're told woman" - why does everything have to be a perceived slight and angst ridden? Basic MANNERS and consideration for others. Regardless of your sex! I'm presuming if the OP had said it was an elderly lady instead of man the old lady would have been a faking one too just trying it on.

StripySocksAndDocs · 09/03/2018 21:35

No, didn't ignore it, just noting it developed from bad into failing eyesight.

HooverMover · 09/03/2018 21:37

They both sound rude

LBOCS2 · 09/03/2018 21:43

Hang on, take age out of it for a second.

Someone turns up to a lecture early to get the best seat in the house.

Someone else turns up after them and demands that they get out of the best seat.

Person 1 says no. Person 2 complains that they're rude for not doing as they're told.

That's basically what happened. The bad eyesight is a red herring; firstly if you can see well enough to get yourself across central London to a lecture you can see well enough to watch it once you're there, and secondly there's an entire row of seats which are placed at exactly the same distance from the speaker as the one she was sitting in - including no less than three other aisle seats on the same row, from the pictures posted above.

Girls are conditioned to be 'nice', they're told not to make waves, to go out of their way to accommodate others. Why the fuck should they? Well done her for standing her ground.

CynthiaRothrock · 09/03/2018 21:46

I get what you are saying and yes from how the op has explained it the old man was rude, but is that really how it played out? Did he really 'demand'? Or did she just find offence in being asked to move? Which ever it was... it was just bloody petty and in my opinion spoilt brattish behaviour. This is the type of threat that is always going to split opinion. I am finding it hard to see any reason To be so rude to an elder but then again i was raised with manners. And again is a seat really worth it? Nope.

Bluelady · 09/03/2018 21:46

My son's nice. He'd have happily given him the seat.