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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was dd being unreasonable not to give up best seat for old man?

391 replies

deno · 09/03/2018 18:53

DD1 is in her first year at uni in London, studying politics, and regularly attends talks given by politicians at different universities/lecture halls across London.

She was attending a talk by a Lib Dem MP at Queen Mary's - she'd been to the lecture theatre there before, so knew where the speaker would sit, and where in the lecture theatre she needed to sit to have the best view - the aisle seats on the left hand side of the centre block of seats. She got there very early, was the first in, and sat down in the nearest to the front aisle seat on that side of the room.

A few minutes later, an old man walks in, and looks like he wants to sit in the same row, so DD stands up to let him past her. But instead of walking past, he says to her, "Aren't you going to move up then?". She says that she wants the aisle seat, and he replies, "Well, I was hoping to sit there." She points out that she is happy to let him get past her into the same row, or the aisle seat in the row behind is available, but he starts insisting that his eyesight is too bad and sitting one foot further back will mean he won't be able to see.

At this point, DD sat down and just stopped talking to him. He huffed loudly and sat down in the row behind her, and then kept muttering to himself about how awful young people these days are, until the talk started.

Was DD being unreasonable not to give up the best seat to the old man?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/03/2018 20:41

70 is rarely frail these days

TheSconeOfStone · 09/03/2018 20:41

The OP’s daughter will still be working when she’s ‘that old’. As a PP has pointed it he got himself to a lecture theatre in central London successfully, how infirm is he meant to be? I would have thought an older gentleman would be too polite to expect a young lady to move when there are plenty of other seats available.

ohnomoresnow · 09/03/2018 20:42

So she sat on the front row? And let an elder man climb up another step to sit down? He may have been rude but your daughter was ignorant and rude. Yes he could have asked better but life is shit enough when your young and fit bodied, can you (she) imagine being that old and frail? I hope when she is that old she gets treat the same way! Would she like it if someone treat her grandparents like that? And then to pointedly ignore him... entitled brat..

Load of utter bollocks @cynthiarothrock

He was a rude an entitled old git. There were plenty of other seats. he just wanted HERS, and she refused.

Good for her, for not bowing down to the ignorant entitled old git.

steff13 · 09/03/2018 20:43

So she sat on the front row?

The OP says she got up to let him walk past her. If they had been in the front row, I don't think that would have been necessary.

In all the lecture halls I've been in, the entrance is at the back. If that's the case here, he would have had to walk farther to her seat than to the seat behind her.

Lemonnaise · 09/03/2018 20:43

Both my parents and PIL are over 70s. They would all be MOST OFFENDED if a 19yo was getting to give up their seats for them

Do either of your parents have failing eyesight?

StepAwayFromGoogle · 09/03/2018 20:44

A man with failing eyesight asked her to move so he could sit at the aisle seat and feel more comfortable...and she refused, that's pretty shit to be honest.

Oh, FFS, why would he need the AISLE seat because he had failing eyesight? He'd just need to be near the front - and there were plenty of other free seats in the same row. If he needed to get out quickly, there were other aisle seats nearby too. He clearly just wanted that seat because it offered the best view. And because he's old he thought he was entitled to it. He was also rude. If someone came up to me and said 'aren't you going to move then?' I'd be nailed to my seat. There's nothing to suggest he had mobility issues or dementia or any of the other ridiculousness that PPs have put forward.

Your daughter did nothing wrong, OP.

StealthPolarBear · 09/03/2018 20:45

He could have sat in tbe seat beside her! Surely his assumed failing eyesight could have coped with that. She didn't send him to the back.

deno · 09/03/2018 20:45

@CynthiaRothrock

It actually was the 3rd row - the first few rows are always reserved for journalists at these sorts of events.

OP posts:
HappyPsychopath · 09/03/2018 20:46

I like you more every time you post ohnomoresnow 😄

Lemonnaise · 09/03/2018 20:47

He could have sat in tbe seat beside her! Surely his assumed failing eyesight could have coped with that. She didn't send him to the back

Or she could have just switched her seat and been kind.

StealthPolarBear · 09/03/2018 20:48

Which I suspect she would have done, had he asked politely.
But seriously do you accept his eyresight isn't a good reason to need that seat, that seat only and not the many around it?

TheSconeOfStone · 09/03/2018 20:50

Why should she move? It’s really weird to expect to sit in one of the few occupied seats in a nearly empty room. OP’s daughter had a reason for sitting in that seat every bit as legimite as his (important for her degree, wanting the opportunity to ask questions) but she got there first.

Rewn7 · 09/03/2018 20:51

@deno ... No OP your daughter wasn’t rude or wrong to keep her seat.

What sort of person, of any age, thinks it’s ok to come into a theatre where seats aren’t assigned, and ask some to move because you fancy sitting where they are sat?! To even expect that is rude, let alone get huffy about it.

Your DD did nothing wrong.
He however was a CF!

Giraffey1 · 09/03/2018 20:56

Bring old doesn’t give you a free.pass to being rude..

CadyHeron · 09/03/2018 20:56

For goodness sake, what is the matter with people?! People saying he could have sat on the same row, well it's not as easy to get in and out and he might have needed to.
He EXPLAINED that rows further back would mean he was unable to see properly.
It would have made no diff to your dd whether or not she sat one row back or not.
Seems general manners have gone out of the window.

Giraffey1 · 09/03/2018 20:57

Being, not bring! I’ve not even had any wine yet!

CadyHeron · 09/03/2018 20:58

He could have sat in tbe seat beside her! Surely his assumed failing eyesight could have coped with that.
It's harder to get in and out of seats that aren't on the aisle. Is he supposed to give a full run down of his medical history before someone deems him worthy of needing the seat or not?

Fishface77 · 09/03/2018 21:00

I think your daughter is class op.
Regardless of age/gender/ethnicity etc we should treat everyone the same.
Yes we should make allowances for disabilities but otherwise I am teaching my DC to respect others and help where you can but not at the expense of your own needs, wants and wishes.
No one respects a martyr and there is usually a solution to keep everyone happy.

ghislaine · 09/03/2018 21:01

I'm still not sure why he couldn't have sat across the aisle from her? If the lecture theatre is a traditional three block division of seats then there would have been 4 aisle seats in every row. (No, I can't do a diagram.)

CynthiaRothrock · 09/03/2018 21:02

I'm not saying he wasnt rude but she could certainly of handled it better. Like i said how would she feel if some one spoke and treat her grandparents like that?

Its one thing to stand your ground but then to ignore some one like a petulant teenager? Please! Teach your child some respect op. Even my 6 yr old would have moved.

Dungeondragon15 · 09/03/2018 21:03

If his eyesight was that much of an issue he would have got there earlier or I am sure he could have asked for a seat at the front to be reserved. The fact he didn't suggests it is bullshit. The chances are that he is an academic which would mean he isn't probably is still in his 60s and unlikely to be frail.

deno · 09/03/2018 21:04

@ghislaine

According to my DD (as I said, i've never been there), the aisle seat she was sitting in had the most head-on view, and in the other aisle seat on the left, you'd be looking at the back of the speaker's head, rather than their face.

So not a problem with eyesight, it just wouldn't have been quite as good a view for anyone, young or old.

OP posts:
CadyHeron · 09/03/2018 21:05

He was probably bullshitting about his eyesight to get her to move.

So now he must be faking his disabilities? Wow,this thread gets lovelier.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 09/03/2018 21:05

No she wasnt being unreasonable not to move

He could have sat on the other side of the aisle if that seat was available

It would have been very kind of her to move...but she was not under any obligation

Pengggwn · 09/03/2018 21:05

Yes we should make allowances for disabilities but otherwise I am teaching my DC to respect others and help where you can but not at the expense of your own needs, wants and wishes.

How lovely. Hmm