DH forces me to get a driver's license

[hairdressserintown]

DH and I have always wanted to buy a house on the countryside.

He has however recently started demanding that I get a driver's license before we proceed on the plans, so I can take DC to and from school, as it wouldn't be fair if he was to do all the school runs. Tbh this has never crossed my mind as I and DC get around fine on the bus or cycling. They are not in school yet though so dunno how it will be and I do work full time.

I'm terrified of the thought of driving a car and he knows this. It never appealed to me. Although never diagnosed, I also struggle with simple things in my day to day life, such as telling left/right apart, telling the clock, etc. I also get very easily confused and cannot follow a lot of simple , especially verbal and visual instructions. I need a lot of things in text for it to make sense in my head. It seems so dumb but I dread the thought of driving a car with my DC and potentially putting them at risk.

He says I am selfish for not even giving it a try and refuses to talk about moving until I get it sorted. AIBU?

Yes to learning in an automatic. I hated the idea of driving, but got an auto. I have since driven through the centre of San Francisco and down the Strip in Vegas.
So give it a go (you may surprise yourself); or change your plans to live rurally.

Your post title is very misleading! He isn’t forcing you to get a license, he’s just saying, no he doesn’t to want to move if you can’t drive!

Although never diagnosed

What exactly are you implying you might get diagnosed with?

You do need a licence if you want to move to the country I am afraid.
Perhaps try learning in an automatic if you find a manual too much to cope with. Just take your time and go at your pace. The trick id to challenge yourself without overwhelming yourself.

I second an automatic! I was a very nervous reluctant driver but managed to pass and get my license on a manual.

I still was very reluctant to drive anywhere and absolutely hated it, and would force my poor husband to drive everywhere or walk ridiculous distances.

We bought an automatic recently and I'm in heaven. I'm so much more confident focusing on the roads and signs and other cars without having to worry about changing gears. I drive everywhere I need to go now.

YABU to consider a move to the country without a car. Even if it scares you to learn to drive it really does make life so much easier. And it is more fair on your DP.

*is

Can't live in the countryside if you can't drive, its utterly impractical

So i suppose you need to weight up whether you wan't to live in the countryside more than you don't want to drive

Public transport in many rural areas is woeful, and cycling dangerous - unlit, narrow roads with poor visibility, especially in winter. You would most likely be very reliant on a car. It is, I think, unreasonable to rely on him to do all the driving - plus infeasible time wise if he works full time too?

I also would recommend a car with a back up camera/sensors! Try to find an ex mobility scheme car, you can usually get an automatic with the bells and whistles for a good price.

I'm with him. No way would I move with a non driver to a rural location. How are you going to get the kids to school, to parties, do shopping etc if you can't drive?

I agree with him tbh. I live in a small town, and buses to two places are OKish between 8 and 7, Mon - Sat. No buses at all on a Sunday. No buses to the hospital. No buses to other nearby towns. Only a couple of taxis, no Uber.
We cycle, but you'd have to be pretty confident to take your kids on the road from the tennis club into town after dark (no street lighting, main road used by HGVs, and there isn't a bike path in 8 miles of us), let alone to go to the next town to the cinema (as no buses to get you back).

100% with your DH. I would never have even considered dating someone who couldn’t drive.

he sounds like a very reasonable man and quite thoughtful to think about everybody.

Yes, of course give it a try. Some driving schools specialise in nervous drivers, you can ever try on an automatic if it makes you feel better. You can learn to drive, practice safely, get your licence, practice a lot more, months before driving alone with your child. What do you have to lose by trying?

I grew up six miles from the nearest village. My dad drove, my mum didn't, and still doesn't.

You don't need to take account popping to the shop for a pint of milk type trips, because once you live in the country you get used to not making those mistakes pretty sharpish, but my dad has been the default driver for DECADES.

That includes all evening runs when they let us stay out late with friends, all trips to the shops, all - well, everything. My mum is so entitled about the whole thing. "Don't go that way - we'll be stuck in traffic." "Don't go to that shop - it's expensive. Go there instead." (except other shop is 20m drive away and first shop is on the way).

Sorry OP, but either shelve the idea of the countryside, or at the very least admit that it's a HUGE thing you're asking of your husband. I am the sole driver in town, and it's draining enough as it is.

Having grown up in the countryside I wouldn’t consider living there with a non driver especially once having had children.
You may be able to find somewhere with good public transport which is rural but you’ll have to look carefully

I live in the countryside and, to be honest, if I didn't drive, life would be impossible. How would you ever get a job if you needed one? How would you get to appointments/the shops? Public transport is non-existent where I am, and houses close to bus routes are outside a lot of people's budgets.

So you'd either have to severely compromise where you could buy, or find alternative transport. Driving is honestly ESSENTIAL in most rural communities.

I second trying an automatic. But, if you want to live in the country, you do need to pass that test!

I'm like you OP I'm anxious when driving, struggle with left and right.

Personally I wouldn't move to the countryside knowing I wouldn't be able to take my DD to school or get about, I'm fully aware that I'm dependant on public transport so I've always chosen to stay local to transport routes.

He is not being unreasonable. If you live somewhere isolated where there's no public transport you really do need to be able to drive, and you need to be prepared to fund driving lessons for your kids.

Find a specialist driving course where you can learn to handle the car off road, and take it from there.

Have you considered some hypnotherapy?

YABVVVVU - there is not adequate public transport in most areas of the countryside. Kids don't want to cycle in the rain.

He will end up driving everywhere if you don't man up and learn to drive.

Quite simply, if you don't want to learn to drive, don't leave the city.

I would never have even considered dating someone who couldn’t drive.
Do you ask to see their driving licence before going on a first date?

YABU. Stay put if you won't learn to drive. It's far, far too impractical to have one sole driver in the countryside. I'd second learning on an automatic.

How did you envisage the children getting to and from school, clubs, dancing/football, friends, doctors, dentists etc from your rural house if you didn’t drive? Did you think your DH would do all of it, despite you both working full time? How would you get to work?

My mum failed her test 7 times. She gets very easily flustered. She peservered. She improved. She was in her 30's at the time.

Automatic lessons. You would be pretty vulnerable in the country with no car.

Think, getting kids to hospital, stocking up the cupboards before a heavy snow, getting kids to school if anyone has an injury and can't cycle.

Cycling in the country can be pretty dangerous too, country lanes with no bike lane.

In my village which isn’t overly rural, the bus comes once every 2 hours and sometimes not at all. It is a complete necessity to drive.
Could you ask around for a compassionate driving instructor?