DH forces me to get a driver's license

[hairdressserintown]

DH and I have always wanted to buy a house on the countryside.

He has however recently started demanding that I get a driver's license before we proceed on the plans, so I can take DC to and from school, as it wouldn't be fair if he was to do all the school runs. Tbh this has never crossed my mind as I and DC get around fine on the bus or cycling. They are not in school yet though so dunno how it will be and I do work full time.

I'm terrified of the thought of driving a car and he knows this. It never appealed to me. Although never diagnosed, I also struggle with simple things in my day to day life, such as telling left/right apart, telling the clock, etc. I also get very easily confused and cannot follow a lot of simple , especially verbal and visual instructions. I need a lot of things in text for it to make sense in my head. It seems so dumb but I dread the thought of driving a car with my DC and potentially putting them at risk.

He says I am selfish for not even giving it a try and refuses to talk about moving until I get it sorted. AIBU?

I understand why your DH wants you to be able to drive. I understand why you don’t want to. I agree with everyone else that being unable to drive is not compatible with rural living.

I also struggle with simple things in my day to day life, such as telling left/right apart, telling the clock, etc. I also get very easily confused and cannot follow a lot of simple , especially verbal and visual instructions. I need a lot of things in text for it to make sense in my head. It seems so dumb but I dread the thought of driving a car with my DC and potentially putting them at risk.*

I have the above and have dyscalculia Op, it was not dignosed till later in life. I dont drive as I have seizures now but I did before and found it very difficult due to the above but not impossible. It got much easier once I passed my test and the pressure was off

I took five times to pass ... don’t give up so easy.
Like you I got left and right confused, made loads of mistakes ... hence repeatedly failing, but I wanted to drive and so I persevered. Do you want to move ?? When your children are st school who will collect them unexpectedly when they become unwell. Sorry but you giving yourselob obstacles. Switch to automatic, less to think about.

M'y DH won't entertain the idea of driving and it drives me insane. I have to do everything. Some weekends I don't get to do anything due to all the jobs/taxiing And I never get to drink at parties as always have to drive. Old age worries me...

I think it is hugely unfair. I wasn't keen on driving either but I did it and my world opened up.

Ps: I passed on fourth time. I stalled and thought I did everything wrong. Apparently it's all about the composure and how you recover from mistakes, rather than a perfect driving record.

I had more faults on the test I passed than on some of the ones I failed.

branstonbaby He sees you do all that and still won't learn to drive?

He must have some incredible redeeming qualities. That's selfish to the nth degree.

Honestly don't move to the countryside if you don't drive. You will be so isolated. We don't have any buses at all here. Nearest town is 3 miles away, and you have to go down a busy A road to get to it. Not somewhere you want to be cycling on as an adult let alone with children.

Try learning with an automatic though. It might help.

There is countryside very close to Central London.

You live in Richmond Park and I claim my £5.

FENTON !!!!!!

I’m the same as you OP, which is why I’d never move out of the city centre. I’ve always thought I was dyspraxic but there’s not much I can do about it.

Richmond Park's beautiful but it's hardly a rural hamlet...it's the largest of the Royal Parks!

@LimonViola yes, apart from this one fault, he is amazing, great dad and god husband.

That's good Branston.

What does he say when you point out how much of a drain it is on you to be the family chauffeur with no help?

If you don't think you'll be able to drive, you really shouldn't move to the country because you will get bored, the kids will be bored and you will have to rely on others too much. It won't work.
Can you do an automatic instead?

I know, Yorick but it’s the closet I could find that was ‘countryside’ 35 minutes from London.

I completely emphasise with you. You would be able to manage without driving in the countryside. It may be two buses to school and yes they may be unreliable but you would be able to do it. I don't see why your DH couldn't do the school runs and you could do other jobs. But if your DH is adamant that you need to do school runs, you could do this via public transport.

Your DH surely knows about how you feel about driving and pressuring you do this shows a complete lack of respect. Don't move to the countryside if you don't want to drive and your DH will pressure you.

Surely you're moving to the countryside to enjoy the countryside. Why would you be bored?

Apologies if this has been mentioned, but can you just take a licence for an automatic? It's much easier, you don't have to remember anywhere near as much,and you have more headspace to concentrate on other things like directions etc.
Your OH can change his car from manual to automatic. We'll all be on automatics soon enough with electric cars anyway.
Are you dyspraxic?

Sorry, you really don't want to be stuck somewhere rural without being able to drive. My dd got swine flu and I had to take her to hospital on an infrequent bus after being told no ambulance was available. Don't fret about dyspraxia type symptoms. It just takes a good instructor. I passed first time after some fantastic lessons with someone from AA in my thirties. Don't skimp on quality. My friend had lessons with a cheapo school and failed three times with them before seeing sense. Ask the instructor what they think. You can also learn to drive in an automatic if you're worried about gears. I had planned to do this, but my lovely instructor said I didn't need to.

If you don't wat to drive, you at lest need to find somewhere with a regular, if not frequent, bus service. Lived in a village for 15 years and always somewhere with buses, even though I can't drive. Would have gone mad, otherwise.

My partner was raised by a mum who didn't drive. It affected every choice she made in school. It affected who she would be friends with, what school activities she could be part of, and what other things she could do. And in every way, not having a ride, was a huge negative.

Not driving is a Very Big Deal.

Reading your half one-ish update, stick your ground and don't bend to his ideals. You need somewhere with good services. Semi rural might provide that in some places, but definitely won't in others.

Surely you're moving to the countryside to enjoy the countryside. Why would you be bored?

Because looking at green is only entertaining for so long, particularly if you end up somewhere where only some of it is public right of way. Meantime, you need to get to school, GP, shops, use the Internet, have a mobile signal etc.

Op, i dont drive by choice, 30 and live rural. I was almost killed by a truck when we were pulled over on the side of the road at 16. Since then the driver side of a car leaves me extremely anxious.
I consider it unsafe for me to drive as i cant control my reactions to the fear and anxiety i feel. I dont have a right to drive if i dont feel i can be safe for not only me, dd and dp but every other road users.
Your dh is being unreasonable and an ass honestly. If you struggle with left right, instructions all that then how does he consider it safe for you to drive your kids around? It should be completely your choice if or when you try.
I wont lie and say it dont cause issues at times with me and dp BUT when he stops, remembering why i dont drive he knows its the right choice as safety comes first. I also dont think he a taxi on hand so if i can walk or whatever to xyz, i will. 9 times out of 10 he will offer to drive, half that i turn down as i enjoy the walk.