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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell friend/bride her choice in shoes is terrible

255 replies

TheWonderfulCat · 08/03/2018 04:00

So my friend is getting married in 6 months and has just told us bridesmaids (im the MOH) that she wants us to wear converse shoes with our lovely dresses.

The shoes will look terrible with the dresses and Im dreading wearing them.

Should I say anything? And if so, what?
Or should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Trinity66 · 08/03/2018 13:13

At best she's trying to project a zany personality and at worst it's an attempt to frump you all up so she looks better. It's grim and a bit naff but can't be avoided.

or maybe she just like the look?

paap1975 · 08/03/2018 13:15

I send the PP who said to go for Superga. Converse are way to narrow and uncomfortable for me, but I love my Superga shoes

paap1975 · 08/03/2018 13:15

second

BakedBeans47 · 08/03/2018 13:16

If she was paying I would say YABU but as she’s expecting you to pay YANBU. I would politely say to her that you don’t find converse comfortable and you don’t really want to pay for shoes you won’t wear again and see if a compromise can be reached.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/03/2018 13:23

I agree Mad.

HeyRoly · 08/03/2018 13:27

Oh dear, she's trying way too hard to be "quirky".

Don't get me wrong, I am not a heels person. I live in flats all year round. But I also like to look nice, and if a dress looks better with heels, I would want to wear heels.

MuminMama · 08/03/2018 13:27

Sounds great to me, but that's beside the point, which is, it's up to the bride and groom what they want people to wear. Hence the centuries-old tradition of foul bridesmaid dresses.

FinallyHere · 08/03/2018 13:35

Hi, just saw your point about feet are weird and theres just not enough arch support

We think about feet as fixed, but actually there is lots you can do to strengthen your feet, and calves, so that they work as designed ( three arches and lots of small bones) in order to support you without any arch support. Have a look at foot pain relief Katy's website contains lots of information available for free too. All the best

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 08/03/2018 13:58

It is a bit of quirky 'thing' that I've seen on Pinterest and the like.

I"m not a Converse fan - they don't suit me either as I have very narrow feet and I think other brands do it a bit better, but it's her day and her choice.

Enough people will find it quirky/cool to make you feel alright about it on the day I'm sure!

invitroveritas · 08/03/2018 13:59

I think you would look unbelievably stupid in converse boots, and you won't be the first to be ga-frumped.

To preserve your credibility you could: wear something else on the day because you 'lost' them; go barefoot; resign as bridesmaid because, assuming you were still invited to the wedding, you could wear something sane on your feet like shoes Confused

raincomesdown · 08/03/2018 14:09

Tell her. I wish my bridesmaids had had the courage to tell me in advance that my wedding choices were cringeworthy dreadful! Now I just have to live with the humiliation of later realisation. ... : )

honeyroar · 08/03/2018 14:23

Having bridesmaids in converse when they're partially hidden under a long dress is just about bearable (but they're still pig ugly, uncomfortable things!) but makes no your bridesmaids go through the humiliation of wearing them with short dresses is bloody cruel, especially if you insult them further by making them buy the ugly things themselves!.

I can understand brides wearing Doc Martins or even wellies under their dress if they live in them normally, so it's a bit of "them", but don't get the forcing it on everyone else thing.

As for "its the brides day. End of." End of what? End of any care of consideration for your friend's feelings? A wedding is not an excuse to rough ride over things that upset people. It's not an excuse to be mean or rude. You may have ideas or colour schemes, but it's nice to discuss it with your bridesmaids and make sure they won't feel awful or uncomfortable in what they're wearing, see if there's a compromise somewhere.

MarkBorrigan · 08/03/2018 14:26

Hmm. If she was paying for them I'd say you'll have to put up with it. But as she's not, I wouldn't pay for shoes I hated.
For what it's worth I think it's really cool. I'm getting married in 6 months are wearing Dr Martens...

itstimeforanamechange · 08/03/2018 14:27

Honestly I think you should just wear them all day

Why? Surely it only needs to be for the ceremony and photos? After that, who cares?

You can do a lot of damage to your feet in just one day.

In fact you can do a lot of damage to your feet in the wrong shoes in just a couple of hours

Anyway it looks like the OP can wear a different brand that will suit her feet so it's a non issue now.

Trinity66 · 08/03/2018 14:29

For what it's worth I think it's really cool. I'm getting married in 6 months are wearing Dr Martens...

I think it sounds like a cool idea as well as does yours

FluffyWuffy100 · 08/03/2018 14:46

If she is dictating white converse for the BMs she has to pay!

Got I hate people who are so bridezilla.

SoupDragon · 08/03/2018 15:30

Clearly not given the wide footed people who have no problem*

Clearly they are for me and the other wide footed folk who have posted they are too narrow

You said “If you have wide feet, Converse are too small.” which is clearly untrue given there are posters with wide feet who say they are fine. There are some people with narrow feet who find them unwearable too.

Clearly there are some people they don’t suit but it’s obviously not as simple as wide feet=converse too small so stating that as fact is rubbish.

presentcontinuous · 08/03/2018 15:45

Dressing a gang of grown-up women in matching dresses is bad enough, but making them wear play shoes is just ridiculous

LeCoqLazy · 08/03/2018 15:47

Do you care that much OP?

It's her wedding. One day of celebrating her love for her partner. What shoes you wear should be the least of anyone's worries.

silkpyjamasallday · 08/03/2018 16:00

I have wide feet but would still rather wear converse than heels. If the bride has said you can get something similar then I think you just have to suck it up, I do think she should be paying for them though if she has such specific demands.

TheDowagerCuntess · 08/03/2018 16:12

LeCoqLazy - the OP cares because she's paying for them, and she'll never wear them again.

TemptressofWaikiki · 08/03/2018 16:14

If the bride isn’t paying for the shoes or an outfit, she really cannot dictate to people to wear stuff that completely isn’t their taste or will be worn only once. I don’t even understand why that should ever be a dilemma! I also don't get the whole dictator style demands by any bride about outfits worn by guests, including bridesmaids. I am happy to be there when you celebrate your wedding but don’t expect me to wear something hideous because your ego about your special day has run away with you. I guess I’m Kryptonite to Bridezillas Grin

Trinity66 · 08/03/2018 16:19

I also don't get the whole dictator style demands by any bride about outfits worn by guests, including bridesmaids

Well the bridesmaids are part of the wedding party so i think it should be absolutely up to the bride (as long as she's buying the required items of course) If the bridemaids don't want to go along with her choices they probably shouldn't have said yes and just came as a guest.

Obviously not in this case when the bride expects the bridemaids to buy their own shoes

perfectstorm · 08/03/2018 18:22

I genuinely despise brides who expect to dictate every detail of the bridesmaid's clothing, while simultaneously expecting them to pay. It's just incredibly rude. If you want people to splash out on an expensive complete outfit that has to co-ordinate with the bridal plans, then you have to sit down and talk it all through so budget and choice is okay on all of them. Expecting people to buy clothes they don't like or look good in is so awful.

I think wedding party clothes are a cost against the wedding. We didn't want to spend crazy money on our wedding so we had good friends dress as they liked in clothes they already had, and do readings, sign the register, give speeches etc. They were still involved, they just weren't dressed up to synchronise with me. I don't feel anything was lost... including their own hard-earned money.

SoozC · 08/03/2018 18:46

The bride is BU for asking the BMs to pay for something they'll never wear again. If she wants certain things she should pay for them.

My BMs wore a dress and shoes of their choice, specified a colour scheme but that was it. I wanted them to ideally be able to wear the items again sometime. I paid for everything too. One bridesmaid completely changed for the evening reception (she doesn't normally wear dresses) and I didn't even notice until I saw the photos afterwards, everyone was having a good time and I wasn't checking up on my BMs.

When I look at the photos, I'm not looking at anyone's feet at all.

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