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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In feeling that my friend is being a bit unfair here?

420 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 07/03/2018 20:01

I worked with someone until they left my current employer last year. We became really good friends while we worked together and I was gutted when she left, but she felt it was a good move for her. We still each other a couple of times a month and chat/message every couple of days.

The company I work for is closing down in June and I, along with everyone else, am being made redundant. I've started looking for alternative employment as my redundancy won't be much and my role is not particularly common so I feel I need to get looking asap.

I told my friend about a job that another friend told me about at a great company and that I've applied for it, I have an interview on Friday. It's perfect for me, close to home, quite a bit more money and a similar role that I'm doing now - friend agreed that it sounds right up my street and to let her know how I get on. Another colleague at work that she also keeps in touch with told me today that my friend is really unhappy in her job (she's never said anything to me, she tells me it's going great) and that she's applied for the job I told her about. Now, I know that I have no 'right' to stop her applying and I never would, but I just wish she'd have told me. She knows I need another job as I'm losing mine soon. I feel a bit let down.

OP posts:
MissDuke · 09/03/2018 11:15

Fingers tightly crossed for you op Shamrock

Olddear · 09/03/2018 11:17

Good luck! I really, really hope you get it! 🍀

Curtainshopping · 09/03/2018 11:18

fizz I know, right?

We don’t even know what the job is —could be seal clubbing or something—

WalkingFred · 09/03/2018 11:19

Of course, if your friemd is sneakily applying for the same job as you id say all bets are off and wonder if there is any merit you lodging an interest in working for the company she is currently at .... after all she may be creating a vacancy

TempusEejit · 09/03/2018 11:20

Fingers crossed for you OP. I'm guessing if they're making their decision by close of play today they haven't chosen to interview ex friend?!

AnnaleeP · 09/03/2018 11:21

I hope you get the job. Best of luck for when they call you later.

FizzyGreenWater · 09/03/2018 11:25

Shock omg

So many awful possibilities.

Seal clubbing
Mankini designer
Jim Davidon's booking agent

aaaargh

Ikanon · 09/03/2018 11:27

She said that she doesn't see why she shouldn't contact them after I told her I was going for the job and she didn't have to tell me about it because it's none of my business.

Because if she gets the job and you don't you will be out of a job in June and it will be because you were friends with her and told about something she wouldn't have known about otherwise.

If she gets the job you won't. How a friend could do that to someone being made redundant is shit. And no friend.

SaffyMcDonut · 09/03/2018 11:29

Marking place! Fingers crossed OP.

sunshine99789 · 09/03/2018 11:30

Fingers crossed for you OP. Really hope you get the job! Your 'friend' is a total moo...hope Karma bites her real soon Flowers

FizzyGreenWater · 09/03/2018 11:34

Oh and by the way OP be prepared for her to really turn on you over this - because she will feel guilty, she knows she's acted the snake really - that's why she had a go on the phone.

If you distance yourself (and I hope you do) do it politely and in kind of an absent minded way, and minimise options for her to start screeching that you're having a tantrum/being a princess/tried to stop her applying for a job/making your redundancy her problem etc etc.

So - polite distant texts. Relegate to acquaintance. No trip away in May, but make an excuse. Self deprecating. 'Oh I know, I'm really sorry, I've been so busy'. Become elusive. No formal telling her, and if she brings up the job 'Why yes, of course you had every right to apply' in a totally neutral voice.

Give her nothing she can get hold of or complain about, and phase her out over time.

Ikanon · 09/03/2018 11:35

@Trialsmum well done for not shafting your sister. Hopefully she's been happy in that role and you will be on Monday when you start. More importantly you'll still have a great relationship with your sister Flowers

Ikanon · 09/03/2018 11:38

I'll be checking back too OP. Fingers crossed for you. First interview of the day benefits from the primacy effect too Smile

Twogoround · 09/03/2018 11:39

Hope you have good news

iwanttoeatallthecarbs · 09/03/2018 11:42

Good luck, I really hope you get it. I'd never speak to her again, the only thing I might reply to her message is 'go fuck yourself'.

amusedbush · 09/03/2018 11:42

I've got everything crossed for you, OP!

ForgivenessIsDivine · 09/03/2018 11:46

Fingers crossed for a happy ending..

AccidentalBumming · 09/03/2018 11:48

Op you’re being ridiculous. It’s not as though either of you are guaranteed it!

Moreisnnogedag · 09/03/2018 11:49

Bugger. Read through this and now way too invested! Holding thumbs for you!

Olikingcharles · 09/03/2018 11:50

Please do reply to your former friends message if you get the job and tell her so. Then politely tell her to go to hell and jog on.

CrustyCob · 09/03/2018 11:51

I am really hoping that you get the job, all good wishes Flowers

NoSquirrels · 09/03/2018 11:53

Ah, I see your "friend" AccidentalBumming has joined us, OP.

Weezol · 09/03/2018 11:55

I am putting the kettle on for all of us that are overinvested in this thread. Tea for...eleven? Twenty three? Cake for Wilbur and a lemon to suck for the 'friend' obvs.

Alabama3 · 09/03/2018 12:01

good luck OP

SheSparkles · 09/03/2018 12:01

She’s no friend. I’d be telling her about another job I was going for with another company and hope she did the same again. Except the job wouldn’t exist and she’ll look like a tit 😆