Mumsnet Vs Real life.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Inspired by a comment on an active thread at the moment. The comment was along the lines of
"Only on mumsnet would you be advised this"

I've also seen it on a few threads where posters point out that only mumsnet would you be given this advice and never in real life.

So what advice/tips do you see mentioned on Mumsnet that you just don't think would be said in real life.

I'll start!
You can guarantee a poster will give the advice that OP needs to pack his bags and kick him out, on something really minor. They don't suggest being an adult and have a conversation first, it's straight away pack his bags and show him the door.

What other Mumsnet pearls of wisdom do we have?

OP: Perfectly reasonable AIBU question

Most of MN: Rational and interesting debate on the subject.

Certain users on a Friday evening: deliberately contrary point of view expressed in an extremely insulting and needlessly aggressive way. Keeps going. Ad infinitum.

I haven't read through the whole thread but ones that always jump out at me are:-

Person objects to breastfeeding in café/street/Primark (delete as applicable) - MN "Outrageous, discrimination, should be able to breastfeed anywhere! You are obviously bigoted, against mothers etc."

Poster - "Would like [xyz] designer handbag. It is [x] Pounds. I work hard/have had a bonus"

MN - "Spending that sort of money?? Are you mad?? Buy a bench/give to charity/buy a goat and give to charity"

I understand that grapes are a potential choking hazard, but it never was a thing I came across before Mumsnet. It really wasn’t. We eat lots of grapes in our house and we have all survived to adulthood. I think there are other bigger risks, in the scheme of things.

If your DP goes for a night out and doesn't make contact and still hasn't appeared by mid day the next day "they're a grown adult, they don't need to check in to anyone, we've all had a few too many and crashed out somewhere other than home".

In all fairness, i do see a lot of concerned posters too but if my DP took that attitude he wouldn't be my DP for much longer.

@Myimaginarycathasfleas My children are adult, now, but I go cold at the memory of giving them whole grapes when they were little. I can easily imagine how that could end in disaster. Cut the grapes up!

Being told controlled crying is 'child abuse' - really .

Those ridiculous comments that children are babies for such a short time, enjoy the cuddles, of course they don't need to be toilet trained for school - 'it will happen when they are ready' etc etc.

Then as soon as the child is 18 - of course they can do what they want, have boy/girl friends to sleep at home - it's their home too. You can't stop them doing anything.

Poster: My husband's has a terrible temper. He frightens me. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and can't stop crying. I don't have any money because we don't share a bank account and he treats himself to expensive clothes but I only have one outfit and it's ten years old."

Reply: Have you considered he might be depressed?

I understand that grapes are a potential choking hazard, but it never was a thing I came across before Mumsnet. It really wasn’t. We eat lots of grapes in our house and we have all survived to adulthood. I think there are other bigger risks, in the scheme of things.

There probably are bigger risks. There are bigger risks than not wearing a seatbelt too, but we still wear one because it's a super easy way to reduce a risk that does exist. Same with cutting grapes for young kids.

Anyway it might be generational. Most of my friends and siblings have kids under 5 right now and they ALL know and have mentioned the need to cut grapes.

OP: I have childcare issues and am the parent whose work is flexible to allow time off. If my husband takes time off, we lose money, which we cant afford. I would like to request unpaid leave but am irked that my boss has suggested I take annual leave instead

MN Response: You sound like an entitled fucker and are the reason women get a bad name. Get your husband to share the time off.

RWR: That's really shit. Good on you for being upfront with work rather than pulling a sicky.

“Rinse and repeat.”

'I go cold at the memory of giving them whole grapes when they were little '! - Now thats what i call a classic mumsnetism!

Today 12:27 AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight

'You can't leave your 10yo home alone for 20 minutes, he's far too young, what if you spontaneously combust when you're out?'

'Of course you can pick that school an hour away on 3 buses on the other side of town for your 11yo although he's never so much as been to the shop on his own, he'll be at secondary, he needs to get on with it'

This.

@Lethaldrizzle

It's true! I think "What the hell was I doing?!!!"

"Call the police" being bandied about as the solution for everything. Usually in response to something ridiculous like an OP forgetting their laptop password or a pair of pants going missing off the line.

And blase attitudes towards money.

In-laws or extended family on mumsnet –I fucking hate the shower of cunts I don't care if my DH's mum wants to come to her grandson's 2nd birthday party doesn't she realise how stressful it is to buy a cake and blow up balloons and look after other peoples kids and put on a smile for my DS even though I hate myself and want to die? Fucking bitch can fuck off if she thinks she's coming.... My DH says I'm being harsh and we should let her come, so I told him to get the fuck out and never come back - is he BU or am I?

In-laws or extended family in real life – Meh, they're okay.

Persistent derailment of threads on completely unrelated subjects.

If your kid has SEN then all their behaviour is linked to it. Your kid can't just be an arsehole one day.

OK, I’m not going to fight with the internet about grapes. It’s not that I think you SHOULDN’T cut them up, it’s just something I thought was an ‘only on Mumsnet’ thing as per the OP. I stand corrected, and perfectly happy to do so

Calling someone an idiot or moron : deeply offensive, those words have a problematic history, everyone knows that, how can you utter such vile abuse.

Real life: what you say when you can't get away with swearing.

That every single person on the bus or tube who won't get up for a pregnant woman/person with obvious mobility issues has a hidden disability and shouldn't be questioned.

Same goes for clearly able bodied people parking in disabled spots.

That everybody must have a large network of family and friends who they can instantly call upon to provide immediate child care/lifts/room for the night etc whenever an emergency arises.

The constant 'only on Mumsnet' comments. Well I am a real person. And in real life I say vulva when I mean vulva and vagina when I mean vagina. Just because it pisses you off it doesn't mean I don't exist!

Put your baby in a sling and carry them round all day. Never met a single parent who does this.
The whole 4th trimester thing. Also the 4 month sleep regression. Never heard of either of these things outside of mumsnet.
Everyone loves champagne and silver photo frames. No they don't.
Not allowing visitors until the baby is 2 weeks old.
The whole thing about childbirth and looking after a newborn being such a massive ordeal. Other than one person who had serious medical complications everyone I know sort of just got on with it, got showered and dressed in the morning and got on with their lives.

Majority of children have SEN

Majority of adults have anxiety

Everything's "the menz fault" if it even remotely negatively affects a woman

Adults absolutely categorically CANNOT have any of the following:

• chocolate advent calendars
• Easter eggs
• drink milk
• eat ice lolly's

But when her mother or MiL offers help she's interfering and must be sent home.