Mumsnet Vs Real life.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Inspired by a comment on an active thread at the moment. The comment was along the lines of
"Only on mumsnet would you be advised this"

I've also seen it on a few threads where posters point out that only mumsnet would you be given this advice and never in real life.

So what advice/tips do you see mentioned on Mumsnet that you just don't think would be said in real life.

I'll start!
You can guarantee a poster will give the advice that OP needs to pack his bags and kick him out, on something really minor. They don't suggest being an adult and have a conversation first, it's straight away pack his bags and show him the door.

What other Mumsnet pearls of wisdom do we have?

Cut the frankfurters in half too!
you shouldn't feed them to your kids in the first place bladiblaprocessedblabla but if you do, cut them

All positive pregnancy test results are 'evap' lines unless it is a first response test.

Step-mothers should simultaneously treat children as if they are their own but keep quiet if they have any concerns about the children's welfare if it relates to their mother, never discipline the children as it is interfering in things that aren't their business.

I did a first aid course and one of the main messages was about choking and cutting up grapes, defiantly not just MN.

I saw a thread recently where an OP was berated for leaving her toddler in nursery when she got sent home from work early and spent time alone. Posters were saying that if that was them they would pick their child up and spend any extra time they had with them seriously, so you wouldn’t take a few hours to yourself if you could??

A woman who is upset that her husband hasn't so much as given her a birthday card, never mind a gift, and hasn't wished her a happy birthday even though she flew him to Vegas for his last birthday, is told to grow up, cards aren't important and that I (the poster replying) haven't had a card in my life from anyone and you are just spoilt expecting something from someone who's supposed to love you and need to grow up.

Anyone expressing concern for homeless or otherwise disadvantaged people is "virtue signalling".

Stag do's are revered above all other life events. Attendance at a stag do is non-negotiable, no matter what life event/circumstances you're worried it will clash with. About to give birth? Don't be selfish, you can drive yourself and ask a mate to be your birthing partner. Your husband will be too busy looking at other fannies, you jealous shrew.

I think we've all got the point about grapes now. Oh, the irony!

Your husband will be too busy looking at other fannies, you jealous shrew.

The minute anyone says "I was so annoyed by....."
immediately there's a poster who has done that exact thing for a totally valid reason, therefore implying that the OP is horrible, not a normal intelligent person who can't judge what is happening in their own life.
It makes me want to shout THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU.

I'm beginning to feel like Brenda from Bristol.

'Not another one?'

And just to piss you off I'm linking to the Guardian

www.theguardian.com/politics/video/2017/apr/18/does-brenda-from-bristol-have-the-best-reaction-to-the-election-news-video

'Ensuring their bedroom door is open will stop teenagers having sex.'

Advice usually given by parents of under 8 year olds. Always makes me laugh.

"Did you mean to be so rude?" is a fantastic way of putting someone in their place. If they did mean to be so rude they can just say "yes I did, problem?" And if they genuinely didn't you might have just caused a real argument.

If you can't get a job or afford to live in your area, you should move somewhere miles away. Ok but a) that costs a lot of money and b) goodbye entire support network.

All these kids in their teens who have only ever drunk water and milk (cocoa in winter, as it gets very breezy on our walks round our million acre farm) because squash will kill them and a 15 y/o is still a child and therefore can't have coffee or tea. Eh???

If your child is being bullied, or your husband is screwing someone else - never say anything mean about them. That loses you the moral high ground, and there is no more sympathy for you.

Oh, and the first person to reply to you in any conversation you start will say something passive aggressive, if not outright call you the worlds' biggest idiot for asking a question...

Only on MN is it ok to tell someone to "go educate yourself" - in RL if you said that to someone you'd probably find yourself on your arse!!

Anyone with extra cash doesn’t know how lucky he/she is and should not be so selfish to use it in whichever way they want.

you jealous shrew

Oh, and anything anyone else eats is either way too much ("you have lasagne and garlic bread? double carbs??? banish yourself to fatty hell immediately" )
or way too little ("I'd have half that cake to myself for elevenses and the other half for lunch")

Some men go through a full sex change as part of their agenda to erode women's rights.

Any suggestion of people taking a little bit of personal responsibility for their lives or using a little bit of common sense is shot down for "victim blaming".

My good friends irl have all adopted the term

COCKLODGER

They love it!

Frankie I think the posters who gave that example mean, when a poster says vagina other posters then dive on them saying " technically it's your vulva" Whereas in real life, I highly doubt if you said vagina you'd have people going "I think you mean your vulva"

Oh and the grapes thing...One of my earliest memories is starting to choke on a grape. I'd got them from the fruit bowl without asking mum because she was upstairs doing something and I heard her start to come down so I swallowed it whole.