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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet Vs Real life.

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 06/03/2018 11:44

Inspired by a comment on an active thread at the moment. The comment was along the lines of
"Only on mumsnet would you be advised this"

I've also seen it on a few threads where posters point out that only mumsnet would you be given this advice and never in real life.

So what advice/tips do you see mentioned on Mumsnet that you just don't think would be said in real life.

I'll start!
You can guarantee a poster will give the advice that OP needs to pack his bags and kick him out, on something really minor. They don't suggest being an adult and have a conversation first, it's straight away pack his bags and show him the door.

What other Mumsnet pearls of wisdom do we have?

OP posts:
MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/03/2018 20:53

Same, little. I try so very hard not judge because even if their DC doesn't have a diagnosis or isn't being assessed, they may be on the route to starting the assessment process even if they don't realise it yet. It took me years to accept that my child needed to be assessed, during which time I denied that he had any sort of SN and held onto the hope that it was simply shitty parenting on my part because that's easier to deal with than the alternative. There quite probably are people in my life right now who think I've now seized onto SN as an excuse for my child's behaviour.

expatinscotland · 07/03/2018 20:53

'But plenty of children do have SN.'

My son does have autism. I wish he hadn't, I truly do. But I am eternally grateful to the Dutch lady in the airport at Amsterdam who helped me when my son experienced a true meltdown over not being able to take the bottle of water we'd bought. She was travelling with her own son on her own, as I was, who was a young adult. 'Does your son have autism?' she asked. I said, yes, and I had brought along his diagnosis report. I took it out, she said, 'You don't have to, I know he does.' We were due to have pre-boarding, too, but people just ran and crowed the gate. She shoved us along, spoke in Dutch to the clerk, and got us on. He wasn't being a brat, it truly pained him to be separated from it.

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 07/03/2018 20:54

A few have mentioned " virtue signalling " what is that? So I can spot it for future threads

OP posts:
MotherforkingShirtballs · 07/03/2018 20:56

take, my child can also be a cheeky little sod as he has no filter - if it crosses his mind, it comes out of his mouth. Coupled with zero impulse control and no understanding of social boundaries he usually presents as a bull in a china shop.

Icomehereseekingpeas · 07/03/2018 20:58

@NearlyThirtyDad aye it was only in December that this happened too

LeighaJ · 07/03/2018 21:02

KungFuPandaWorksOut16

"A few have mentioned " virtue signalling " what is that? So I can spot it for future threads"

I think it's basically what most of this thread is discussing. 🤔

MaisyPops · 07/03/2018 21:05

kung
Virtue signalling is claiming some sort of moral outrage or being offended on behalf of others. It's done with a view of trying to prove what an awesome person you are.

E.g. Middle class poster sends their DC to a private school because they think the state school isn't up to much. Worries about gettinf the right prep school for the correct selective. Their DCs are called Matilda and Reuben and their friends are Poppy, Amelia and Alfie. They don't let their DC go to soft play or play out and ensure their DC do enrichment activities with other similar children.

Middle class poster puts people on a baby name thread in their place for suggesting a made up name is chavvy. They claim outrage and point out how awful people must be because obviously nobody in the world would care.

... the reality is they totally do care and spend most of their existence protecting their children from any interaction with anyone from the wrong area/background but want to present an image of themselves to the world tjat they are holier than thou and they can't believe humans might make judgements as part of being human.

PunkrockerGirl59 · 07/03/2018 22:07

But plenty of children do have SN
Of course they do, nobody's said otherwise on this thread.
This thread is Mn versus rl though. In real life there are badly behaved children who have absolutely no sn whatsoever.

mittensofsteel · 07/03/2018 22:11

Took in ironing to pay for spa day.

Spa day ruined by ALL the trans people in the changing room trying to look at my vagina.

I mean vulva.

Teutonic · 07/03/2018 22:30

@mittensofsteel

But did you leave your children with your mother with strict instructions and you DH doing all the cleaning while you had a well deserved spa day?

Certcert · 07/03/2018 22:31

and some toasted sunflower seeds as a treat?'

FFS! Grin

Teutonic · 07/03/2018 22:32

Surely you mean organic sunflower seeds? @Certcert

PinataDonk · 07/03/2018 22:38

"Hands the OP a grip."

mittensofsteel · 07/03/2018 22:43

@Teutonic - NC with DM - She fed the children bread and milk she had panic bought during the storms. WHITE BREAD. PANIC BUYING.

DH smiled at the neighbour who is divorced and still likes men and bought a new top recently and therefore must be a slut.

I would LTB but I turn 35 next week and my fertility is about to plummet entirely.

Teutonic · 07/03/2018 23:06

My God @mittonsofsteel She fed them WHITE BREAD 😱
No wonder you cast her from your life. Every MNetter knows that only bread made from organic flour ground from wheat grown on the ancient ash of Mount Etna and handmade between the thighs of virgin unicorns is good enough for the MN family.
Even then, a small loaf is expected to last for at least a month.
I understand your reason for not leaving your OH until baby arrives, but once it does, make sure that you get your ducks in a row, change the locks, dump his stuff in black bags outside and log it with 101 just in case.
Oh, and make sure you strip him of absolutely everything so he is left with nothing but what he is stood up in and a park bench to sleep on.
Then become a rampant feminist and change your name to Millie Tant.
You know it makes sense.

Steaksauce · 07/03/2018 23:20

I've only ever seen people utterly incredulous at adults drinking squash on mn
Pretty much every adult I know drinks it in rl

Also. You can't say "chav" here. Though everyone says it in passing in rl e.g.
on mn: "does this top look chavvy?"
"I think you're out of line for using the word chavvy opHmm"
"Define chavvy you hipster middle class snob, how dare you insult someone because of their class"

In RL: "does this top look chavvy?"
"A bit but it looks nice on so go for it"

DieWinteresse · 07/03/2018 23:29

MN World:

Everyone you don't like/fall out with is toxic or has NPD
Someone yells at their kid in the street or laughs at their child- they must be a child abuser behind closed doors!
A chicken can feed a family of 4 for 5 days
School gate mums are nasty beotches
Brexit is evil

GriefLeavesItsMark · 07/03/2018 23:29

When you find your dp has been texting or on escort sites, all you have to do is say 'I know!' In an icy calm voice, then go silent, and you will be able to tell from his reaction if he is shagging your best friend.

Belindabauer · 07/03/2018 23:33

My neighbour screams through my letterbox if I so much as walk across the room. He says I'm making too much noise.
Mn- have you looked into sound proofing your entire flat? He may have issues you don't know about so yabu.
Next door neighbours 5 kids have kicked a all through my window and broken it. When I spoke to them about it they told me to fuck off you fat ugly lessie.
I spoke to their mum and she said her kids can do what they like and she is going to burn my house down if I ever mention it again.
Mn- the kids might all have special needs. The mum is stressed she might have health problems. Why don't you try inviting her in for a cuppa and offer to let her kids kick footballs at your other windows, after all it's only a window, get a grip op.

DieWinteresse · 07/03/2018 23:34

Also on MN world:

No one has real anxiety anymore. They just say they do.
Everyone who is fat just needs to go to Slimming World. Apparently, anorexia and bulimia are the only real EDs.
If the teacher doesn't give your child a big enough part in the school play, you must go in and throw a hissy fit.Never mind that your kid has a stutter or is a terrible actor.
White Irish names are chavvy. (Which is why I avoid Baby name threads like the plague)

DieWinteresse · 07/03/2018 23:38

MN World part 3:

My mum or dad just commented on my weight. WWYD? "Go no contact on them!"
My FB friend posts too many attention seeking statuses.WWYD? "delete them. they're toxic/NPD etc"

DieWinteresse · 07/03/2018 23:41

expatinscotland What makes me sad is that you felt the need to prove his autism by showing evidence. In a decent society, people would just not question when a stranger says their child has an SEN. I get so nagry when people disbeleive or aqre sceptical about SENs. why would anyone make that kind of stuff up?

theymademejoin · 07/03/2018 23:44

@Steaksauce - I've only ever seen people utterly incredulous at adults drinking squash on mn
Pretty much every adult I know drinks it in rl

Whereas I think only on mn do adults drink squash. I don't think I know any adults who drink it in rl 😏

SneakyGremlins · 07/03/2018 23:45

expat forgive me if this is a stupid question, but is there no workaround to the water thing? Exceptions the airline could make, if you had his certificate? I don't mean to be insensitive, I apologise if this comes off that way.

SneakyGremlins · 07/03/2018 23:46

join ME! I have 8 bottles of Robinsons downstairs Grin fucking love squash