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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet Vs Real life.

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 06/03/2018 11:44

Inspired by a comment on an active thread at the moment. The comment was along the lines of
"Only on mumsnet would you be advised this"

I've also seen it on a few threads where posters point out that only mumsnet would you be given this advice and never in real life.

So what advice/tips do you see mentioned on Mumsnet that you just don't think would be said in real life.

I'll start!
You can guarantee a poster will give the advice that OP needs to pack his bags and kick him out, on something really minor. They don't suggest being an adult and have a conversation first, it's straight away pack his bags and show him the door.

What other Mumsnet pearls of wisdom do we have?

OP posts:
Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 07/03/2018 09:07

My other favourite is everything has to have a label with some posters. Ah you're husband got a bit snappy? He must be emotionally abusive. Your husband doesn't agree with you he must be gaslighting you.
I'm a firm believer in people can just be twat without a label needed.

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 07/03/2018 09:21

I don't mind the proliferation of anxiety (as someone who was diagnosed with GAD many years ago and signed off at one point for it) as much as the belief that it's carte blanche to treat people like ABSOLUTE SHIT and as if your own condition is the only one that matters.

I also don't like the common belief on here that it's a totally hopeless condition and there's nothing you can do to improve or manage it. That the only answer is for everyone from husbands to children to workplaces to airport lounges to make all the accommodations for it.

Obviously you should be able to expect support from your partner but not if you won't do anything to support yourself as well. It's like losing weight. It's hard, it's a long-term change and people can support you but they can't do it for you.

ssd · 07/03/2018 09:22

the answer to being skint is either

move house like it's free

become a childminder like its free

PoorYorick · 07/03/2018 09:24

I'm a firm believer in people can just be twat without a label needed.

Totally agree, and it's why I honestly don't understand why so many people are so determined that their horrid mother/MIL/brother/whatever should have actual diagnosable NPD. To the point where you can cause real anger and offence by saying, "Impossible to diagnose through laypeople on the internet, but almost certainly not. However they still sound like a bellend and you should still protect yourself."

Why is it so important that they should have an actual personality disorder? Surely if they have, they're mentally unwell and need help?

ssd · 07/03/2018 09:25

I think there's just a lot of posters on mn now who hate people, pure and simple

isthismummy · 07/03/2018 09:30

OP posts thread in relation to DH/DP being a twat in relation to their DC.

MN: Why did you have children with him?

Helpful!

PoorYorick · 07/03/2018 09:30

I think there's just a lot of posters on mn now who hate people, pure and simple

I think you could be right...but then I wonder why they're on the internet interacting with them.

DammitPatrice · 07/03/2018 09:35

Woman wanting to leave relationship = taking charge, getting control, don't need to be in a couple to be a person, don't need the hassle, self-actualisation, being so strong

Man wanting to leave relationship = cheating

ReanimatedSGB · 07/03/2018 09:36

Know what you mean about the 'I have a special important MH issue which everyone, even complete strangers, must understand and accomodate - because no one else has a condition as special and important as mine.' But that's not exclusive to MN, I keep encountering it in another of my 'zones'.

QueenofmyPrinces · 07/03/2018 09:38

Only on mn do adults show appreciation to inane humour by saying I snorted coffee all over my keyboard, tea came out my nose,milk came out my ears. Calm the fuck down it wasn’t that funny

This thread is!!!

This is the funniest thread I have ever seen.

I wonder if it will forever change the nature of the site because a lot of members are going to realise that the responses they trot out are actually ridiculed by other members and got a special mention on this thread Grin

user1471596238 · 07/03/2018 09:40

This thread needs to be pinned: it's brilliant!

ravenmum · 07/03/2018 09:45

Man wanting to leave relationship = cheating

Not really, it's more "Partner wants to leave = cheating", male or female. It's just that the partner is more often a man. Obviously we assume that the poster is telling the truth and just wants to leave for an OK reason, as they wouldn't be asking here otherwise. We "know" that OP isn't a cheat, as we're being given an insight into their world, but we don't know what their partner is up to any more than they do.

maddiemookins16mum · 07/03/2018 09:48

Calling girls a boys names - like James (yep it is a boys name and who cares if some Hollywood celeb has a daughter called it). Positively encouraged (when I bet they wouldn't do it themselves).

Oh and you never get 'we're having a boy and thinking of calling him Matilda'.

And as for Gender Neutral - I know nobody in rl who doesn't buy at least some boy (yep blue) or girl (err pink) colours for their children.

Grauniad · 07/03/2018 10:05

Sorry people.

I think we actually LIVE in Mumsnetton round here.
I have a child with ASD.
I have a boy who dances (not very well, but he likes it).
One of the kids is at (state) school with a Persephone.
They both have trans children in their year.

I even quite like avocado.

I shall go and book a spa day hang my head in shame immediately.

SluttyButty · 07/03/2018 10:10

I’m still 😱 that some people have never heard of or had picky bits.

On mn are picky bits a good or bad thing?

BubblesInTheTub · 07/03/2018 10:16

Emetophobia

I'd never even heard of it before coming on MN but every bastard and their child on here seems to have it.

Hmm

No, love, like every other normal human being on the planet, vomit just turns your stomach a bit.

Fuck off

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 07/03/2018 10:17

I have to agree with SGB. Most of the posts here have been about how MN is not a reflection of real life and in fact is bizarre, weird and strange. BUT I find MN so refreshing compared to RL...here you actually get women listening to each other, urging each other to raise their standards and look after THEMSELVES rather than putting up with being stuck at the bottom of the heap, which is the overpowering message society pushes on women all the time!

Women on MN are not afraid to call out male violence for what it is, they are not afraid to put women first when our rights are under attack, they listen and support each other to make better lives for THEM.....this is so hard to find in real life.

I first came on MN eight years ago when I had my first DC..I learned about feminism and the kind of life she might lead. The women here helped me understand what I can do to ensure my children grow up with self respect, respect for women and to recognize the types of behaviours that they should NOT accept. I never got that kind of education in RL, can you believe??

So in this way, I for one am glad MN is here and that it IS different from RL. Long may it continue, for women everywhere.

BumDisease · 07/03/2018 10:18

^all good is a good thing as far as I'm concerned. Just the words "picky bits/tea" make my teeth itch.

Icomehereseekingpeas · 07/03/2018 10:25

@SluttyButty picky bits makes me thing of scabs and bogies.

If someone I knew said it in real life I'd stare at them like they just shat in my cereal. How old are they? 8???

BumDisease · 07/03/2018 10:26

Only on MN do you have to send a hand written thank you card for everything.

Christmas present? Thank you card. Babysitter? Thank you card. Someone at the shop held the door open for you? Thank you card.

CoolWetGrassUpMyAss · 07/03/2018 10:27

No matter which side of the fence you sit on, that tradesmen using your toilet is even a question Confused

Icomehereseekingpeas · 07/03/2018 10:28

MN makes you realise how easy it is to get sucked in to the void. I was amazed by the conversations that happened on MN the first time I started using it years ago. I don't know anyone in real life who gives the same advice as on here. Its an eye-opener.

NinjagoNinja · 07/03/2018 10:31

One of the things that is great about Mumsnet is precisely that people will say what nobody will say to you in RL. Granted, sometimes what they say is bonkers but very often they are just uttering a truth that none of your real life friends will ever declare.

For example: the Dubai question. When a real-life friend tells me they are going to Dubai, I do judge them and think all the harsh things that Mumsnetters think about Dubai. Do I say it out loud? No, because I don't like confrontation and don't want to lose a friendship over it.

I still think it though - and will happily type it on an anonymous forum. It's still the truth.

NinjagoNinja · 07/03/2018 10:33

I see this site as somewhere I can be honest. You can always do that in real-life, not if you want to have a few friends!

ItsuAddict · 07/03/2018 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.