Mumsnet Vs Real life.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Inspired by a comment on an active thread at the moment. The comment was along the lines of
"Only on mumsnet would you be advised this"

I've also seen it on a few threads where posters point out that only mumsnet would you be given this advice and never in real life.

So what advice/tips do you see mentioned on Mumsnet that you just don't think would be said in real life.

I'll start!
You can guarantee a poster will give the advice that OP needs to pack his bags and kick him out, on something really minor. They don't suggest being an adult and have a conversation first, it's straight away pack his bags and show him the door.

What other Mumsnet pearls of wisdom do we have?

Only on MN would a portion of chips and one fish be a huge dinner between an entire family.

Only on MN have I seen someone claim that they cannot eat a whole Magnum. My (slim, healthy, active, etc blah blah) four year old can pack away a Magnum quite easily if she's hungry. [awaits the 'no wonder we have an obesity crisis' comments]

Ooh God we have picky bits and tonight ds(25) came into the kitchen and started to stir the pan on the hob announcing he was a spoony fucker. I can't decide if I've failed or I've won.

My contribution would be any dog thread either ends in adopt a rescue greyhound or pts.

Only on MN could a boy wear a pink princess dress to school, along with a sparkly tiara and apparently none of the other kids would bat an eyelid.

In fact they wouldn't even notice and the boy would not forever more be known as "that weird boy who wore that pink princess dress and tiara, in year 5".

A husband who does zero housework, hence wife feels like crap:- "could he be stressed/depressed/on the spectrum?" It can't just be that actually he's a lazy sexist entitled selfish twat, who believes having a full-time job absolves him from all housework and that it's woman's work anyway

All that stuff sticks to the bottom of your shoes and you are happy to walk it into your house? Yuk.

The floors in my house are used to .. walk, not sleep or eat strangely enough and we've all seem to survive being exposed to all these foreign matters congregated on the sole of our shoes.

'Man touched my bum whilst we were enjoying a passionate snog'

replies

"red flag"

"it’s sexual assault"

‘I am really worried because I have a lump on my vagina’
‘I think you mean vulva’

My favourite is the boys going to school in dresses, as Worra mentioned, but I also enjoy the justifying the eating of pizza and McDonalds, to stave off any criticism for eating junk food.

RL: We had pizza last night.

MN: I have been suffering with back pain, and my husband has been working 70-hour weeks for the last two months. We only eat out once a year, so we decided to get a pizza delivered last night, as a rare treat.

WorraLiberty

Because it's totally normal for boys to like pink sparkly dresses. Normal, I tell you. Nothing to do with what they're shown/given. At all.

And all boys are tall, active, eat like horses on MN. Not one fat teenage boy.

If you are single and feeling a bit lonely, there must be something wrong with you because you should not want a man and it will be impossible to get one unless you are happy on your own first. Despite you already being on your own for many years.

This is of course always said by people who were last single in 1995.

If you have a car you HAVE to drive anyone who doesn’t have a car wherever they want to go no matter how inconvenient to you

SGB's right about MN raising the bar in relationships. Some of the stuff that gets said on here - as per this thread - obviously takes things too far the other way (the whole 'SAHM are there only for the children and all other housework must be split exactly 50/50 with the FT WOHD, while a SAHD must do all the housework or he's a cocklodger'), but the principle behind it is a recognition that women, in general, have had the shitty end of the stick in relationships for far, far too long, and been told to be grateful for appalling behaviour because of the privilege of a relationship. The views you'll hear on MN challenge that notion.

"X age is still so little!" Said of any age up to 21 as far as I can tell...

On a non-political thread

OP: DH and I want to go to Southern Ireland for a mini spa break. Any recommendations?

MN: How very dare you! We are Southern NOWHERE. We are a Republic/26 counties/Eire / the island of Ireland / Mexico / the Free State. You people opressed our people. Did you not do ANY history of school? HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME.

RL: Monart is quite nice

"My child has been asking to try my tea and he's only 12-should I let him?"

Mn: absolutely not, tea will bind itself to any and all nutrients your child takes in and his growth will be stunted. If you absolutely must, make sure there is no sugar or sweetener in it. My 19 year old has never tried or wanted tea or coffee in fact we don't even keep it in the house.

Real life: what British 12 year old has never even tried tea?

LOL HoosierDaddy or:

OP: I was wondering if anyone could recommend a hotel in Dubai.

MN: How dare you consider going to that horrible place!!! You're supporting slavery, sexism, FGM, torture! It is the worst place on Earth! Why don't you consider going somewhere naice like Thailand instead.

RL: I here there are good hotels in Jumeriah. I'll ask my cousin Betty, she lives there.

*hear not here.

'Mn..if you’ve not had children by 35 you’ll fall off the fertility cliff and be a barren husk'

Nah, you can meet Mr Fabulous at 42 and go on to have 4 children, no miscarriages, disabilities, problems in pregnancy or birth, in the next 10 years. Plenty of time! And you have far more energy and are fitter than 20-year-olds. You know plenty of women who had twins with their own eggs at 50.

Conversely, if you have a child at 14, you will go on to become a professor at Cambridge, or you know several girls who have, it was fine. Suggesting termination as an option to such a girl is a travesty.

Every parent says their child is so slim you can see their ribs and they're very active.

Has anyone mentioned that no child is overweight because of lack of activity and too much food. They all have disabilities or health conditions. It is never the parent's fault.

"DC1 couldn't read until he was 17 but now has 12 PhDs all from Russel Group Universities and is now king of the stock exchange"

"DH has a hobby"

In real life I do have one who is very slim and active (she's average height for her age, though, not tall). The other is tall but overweight and he does indeed have diagnosed autism.

Everyone who enjoys having a bit of quiet time alone is an introvert. And introverts have carte blanche to be rude, anti-social and even overtly hostile because being an introvert makes you very special and important.

Anyone who is not an introvert is a loud, shallow, braying attention seeker. Don't go anywhere with them because they will spend the entire time dancing on tables while screaming, "LOOK AT ME!" Not that you would ever go anywhere, because you're an introvert.

And in a thread about families who go to hotel breakfasts in pyjamas, complete with bare feet... If your family throws some clothes and shoes on for this, you're clearly all uptight and obsessed with what other people think, and MNers would much rather party with the pyjamas. Not that they would, though, because they're introverts.

The proliferation of "anxiety"