Mumsnet Vs Real life.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Inspired by a comment on an active thread at the moment. The comment was along the lines of
"Only on mumsnet would you be advised this"

I've also seen it on a few threads where posters point out that only mumsnet would you be given this advice and never in real life.

So what advice/tips do you see mentioned on Mumsnet that you just don't think would be said in real life.

I'll start!
You can guarantee a poster will give the advice that OP needs to pack his bags and kick him out, on something really minor. They don't suggest being an adult and have a conversation first, it's straight away pack his bags and show him the door.

What other Mumsnet pearls of wisdom do we have?

Greggs! You were in Greggs,fruit shoot is chemical soup flushed through Satan’s arse

hahahaha!

@ifcatscouldtalk

I've seen a lot of comments on age related threads where everyone claims to look much younger than their age. Women in their late 30s or 40s being asked for ID regularly.

It seems very rare on mn that people look their age. In RL I'm struggling to think of anyone I know that doesn't look their age group.

This. ^ I always laugh when I read these kind of comments ... In real life, the vast majority of people look roughly their age. And NO-ONE look more than 7-10 years younger than their age. Maybe from a distance, and at first glance, someone of 45 could look 29-30, but when they get closer, you can see in the face and neck, that they are middle aged.

I think they believe they look young for their age, because they dress 'trendy,' they dye their hair, they wear nice make up, and look much younger to themselves when they pose in the mirror with flattering angles.

In addition, they only take 'selfies' from above their face (to disguise the double chin/slightly saggy neck/jowls.) And also, their pics have got a filter on when they post them online. So I think they convince themselves they look much younger than they do.

I know a few FB and twitter friends who look nothing LIKE they look in their profile pics. Many of them look 10 years older, and 2-3 dress sizes bigger in real life.

One woman I know is 46, and thinks she looks 36, and she was incensed the other week when she said 'guess my age, go on,' to someone, and they said 'mid to late 40s???' She went flame red, and was incensed that someone thought she was that age. But they were right! She is in her mid to late 40s!

But yeah, personally, in 40-odd years, I have never ever been asked for I.D. when buying booze, OR been mistaken for 15-20 years younger. And I don't believe anyone who says they get asked for ID when buying booze, when they are in their 40's.

No way in hell does a middle aged person look too young to buy alcohol.

As ifcatscouldtalk said, I have never known a SOUL who looks more than 10 years younger than they are. Indeed, 99% of people I have ever known, look their age (or within 2-3 years of it.)

If someone is struggling with their weight their advised to get a really good haircut.

Ah yes pod get, it’s needs to be breast feed,poetry clucking,artisan chicken.notTesco

podge even!

Only on MN have I heard of a penis beaker. I laugh about it with my RL friend though.

Posters who say 100g meat is abhorrent for a serving and they and their DH are stuffed on 25g of chicken breast each.

Daft unrealistic career advice.in response to I have no qualifications.good with cats.have children
Midwife
Doula
Physiotherapist
Teacher

When people are quite open about associations or judgements they make because it's bloody human nature.
(E.g. poster comments that they have reservations about their DC playing out with a child who lives in a higher crime area. They like the friend but don't really want theirnDC wandering the streets there)

Some MN posters - How horrible that some people are so judgemental and narrow minded. I never judge.
but really I totally do judge and have every element of mine and my child's social life mapped out so they never come into contact with people I consider ro be unsavoury

Posters on baby names discussing associations of names.
Some MN - Virtue signalling police. I can't believe people would actually care about a name. You lot are sooo snobby but really I have had middle class play dates, avoided 'chavvy' names like the plague and have had Elizabeth a tutor from 4 and want to put them into a selective private school because we don't want her mixing with state school children

@LipstickHandbagCoffee you missed off "Vet"

Haha yyes. You have a knowlege of animal husbandry from cat food aisle in Tesco..be a vet

Any relationship thread will inevitably lead to DP being accused of emotional abuse

In RL I'm struggling to think of anyone I know that doesn't look their age group.

I can think of more than a few - seeing pics on FB of big birthday cakes showing a number. Many people really don't look their age, and not because they are caked in make-up

What’s for dinner thread is actually a big fuck off boast about how your children can both spell quinoa & eat it

@cavioliriscaldatti

Many people really don't look their age, and not because they are caked in make-up

Yeah they're not caked in make up, (on their facebook pics,) but you can bet the pics have been put through 'paint shop pro' or had filters put on. I have been shocked when I see how different some people look on their facebook pics compared to real life.

@cavioliriscaldatti

I can think of more than a few people who don't look their age - seeing pics on FB of big birthday cakes showing a number. Many people really don't look their age, and not because they are caked in make-up

Yeah they're not caked in make up, (on their facebook pics,) but you can bet the pics have been put through 'paint shop pro' or had filters put on. I have been shocked when I see how different some people look on their facebook pics compared to real life.

If you do this illiogical thing when applying for schools, you will definitely get your first choice. (It worked for my cousin. It is entirely coincidental that she lives next door because they only go to the attached church 3 times a month).

One must learn on mn when to pretend you hate brands,perfume?no I use pickled onion vinegar, smells same as coco Mademoiselle

Style & beauty what’s in my handbag?armani unicorn lash flakes, eve lim bum butter and nars orgasm blusher

Sometimes I'm too ashamed to post on the 'what's for dinner' threads when I'm doing potato waffles, frozen sweetcorn/peas and mini kievs.
It can't compare to the slow cooked beef cheeks with pearl barley, sweet potato mash and kale.

Yup no one ever posts.im having beige dinner.happy faces,crispy pancake, bread & butter

DD got a yellow sticker in year 5 for saying vagina during a discussion about naming body parts. It could have been a certificate given out in assembly if she'd only thought to use the word vulva instead. We call it a fanny at home.

That you have to invite the horrible bully who has been terrorizing your child to their Birthday party incase they feel left out if they are the only one not invited.

^Ha, that is a MM classic

This with bells on!

Never mind your own kid's feelings, invite the local shithead who bullies your kid, because you can change the bully by showering him with party bags and love ffs.

@LipstickHandbagCoffee can I come to your house for dinner that sounds faaaaaabbbbbbulous. I could so scoff that now

Only on mn do adults show appreciation to inane humour by saying I snorted coffee all over my keyboard, tea came out my nose,milk came out my ears. Calm the fuck down it wasn’t that funny

Also on MN how its fine to neck wine at a PTA event for sports day like its going out of fashion...and its only 11am.