Mumsnet Vs Real life.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Inspired by a comment on an active thread at the moment. The comment was along the lines of
"Only on mumsnet would you be advised this"

I've also seen it on a few threads where posters point out that only mumsnet would you be given this advice and never in real life.

So what advice/tips do you see mentioned on Mumsnet that you just don't think would be said in real life.

I'll start!
You can guarantee a poster will give the advice that OP needs to pack his bags and kick him out, on something really minor. They don't suggest being an adult and have a conversation first, it's straight away pack his bags and show him the door.

What other Mumsnet pearls of wisdom do we have?

If you don't wash your bra daily someone with a hypersensitive nose will smell you and be disgusted by your body odour.
In real life I honestly don't think you can smell a bra after a couple of days wear!

MN: You must never, ever call another human being by a pet name. If you use love, pet, chuck, treacle you are basically Hitler (this rule may only apply to males when speaking to females, I'm not quite clear).

MN: Anyone who's sarcastic is evil and they must really have been hinting that they hate you.

MN: All idioms are offensive to someone. You can't talk about doing something at the drop of a hat in case someone's ancestor died in a freak hatslide.

RL: Humourless people who speak like robots are generally considered dullards and are either avoided by everyone or elected Prime Minister.

"Surely nobody smokes any more? "
I have seen this exact thing written. As if the shops only have them for decoration.

Also, that jars of baby food are full of absolute shit and tons of sugar and you will be run out of your local baby group for using it. No, the shops are full of the stuff and if you read the ingredients they usually say something like: carrots, potatoes, lemon juice preservative.

It is fine to admit a child of your own occasionally p*es you off, but if you don't wholeheartedly love, embrace and encourage every single nuance of a stepchild's behaviour, at all times, you're a harridan from hell who is mentally scarring her stepchild.

Womn who have long, straightened hair are identikit clones. But on the other hand, no one "cares a jot/gives two hoots" what other people wear/look like.

No ones reads the "utterly abhorrent" Daily Mail, but seem to have a very good idea of the news/stories/content within the demonic publication.

Only in MN do I see 'picky bits' used as a genuine phrase.

WFT are "picky bits", please? Icomehereseekingpeas

freak hatslide...

uuuurgh, picky bits/ tea makes me shudder.

People on MN have a hard time reading threads and comprehending them, therefore the same questions get asked on repeat.

OP: my dd aged 18 wants to get her tongue pierced

MN: how old is dd?

🤦🏻‍♀️

Use of the word vulva instead of vagina. I'm a nurse and have never ever heard the term vulva used.

I've seen a lot of comments on age related threads where everyone claims to look much younger than their age. Women in their late 30s or 40s being asked for ID regularly.
It seems very rare on mn that people look their age. In RL I'm struggling to think of anyone I know that doesn't look their age group.

@BlackType I only ever see it posted on here. Some kind of slang term for having a kind of buffet/tapas/picnic type meal. I could be wrong but that's the gist of the phrase from what I can gather.

No one I've met irl says this ever.

Not letting family visit for weeks after giving birth. IRL people have visitors while still on the maternity ward. Also buying expensive good quality clothes/boots/coats but kids are clothed from charity shops or hand downs.

Only on mn
Any domestic/emotional/work crisis can be resolved by spa day or nice highlights
1 skinny chicken can make risotto,soup,sandwiches,curry for large family for a fortnight
A 6 figure salary can be given up to be a sahm, you make do,use mooncup,shop 2nd Hand
The police log 101 calls, in the big um, 101 logged call filing cabinet😂
did you mean to be so rude is apparently the most withering thing to say. No one ever answers aye, I did mean to be so rude.Ta

The slightest issue st schoolHome educate! Because that's always totally practical.

I can honestly say I have never said the word vulva once in my lifetime.

I have also never eaten that good old MN staple, avocado on toast (especially for breakfast).

Oh and we buy a bottle of squash every fortnight and sausage, beans and mash is a regular meal here (by regular I mean once a fortnight/every 10 days or so).

Have we had the numbers of MNers whose husbands are 'very senior' at work yet?

Icomehereseekingpeas, thanks for clearing that up. I think I feel slighly sick now that I know...

Forthright, assertive wives and girlfriends are a thing of MN too.

Op: my dh has gone on an all mighty pub crawl leaving me with a 2 month old and a potty training 2 year old to cope with.

MN: Tell DH if he doesn't wish to return from his piss up forthwith and be part of the family, you will be changing the locks pronto and he can expect to find his clothes in bin bags on the doorstep!

OP: My DP is a silly turd who walked mud all through the house and stained the new carpet and still hasn't cleaned it up, what should I do?

MN: is he useless in other areas too?

MN: does he expect you to clean it? This is not the 50's.

MN: Give him a bucket of soapy water and a cloth and tell him you expect the mess to be cleaned. Take yourself off out for a spa day the day and tell him you want it as good as new by the time you get home.

Wtf???

That you have to invite the horrible bully who has been terrorizing your child to their Birthday party incase they feel left out if they are the only one not invited.

^Ha, that is a MM classic

Snobby Trivia can derail and divert a thread,for no reason other than fuckery
i hand my handbag stolen in Greggs.Turned around to give baby her fruit shot, and quick as that bag gone
Greggs! You were in Greggs,fruit shoot is chemical soup flushed through Satan’s arse. I’m calling social services. If you’d prepared avocado mash and polenta none of this would have happened.i bet your baby had pierced ears. My Emily, grade 10 in piano has the aural skills of a composer. she never visited greggs

Lipstick is your chicken organic, free range and from the local butcher? This makes all the difference. Your average tesco chicken will only do one dinner and perhaps a lunch but if you buy superior quality meat you need no more then 2 slices of breast or half a drumstick to satisfy you. Hth. :grin:

On any long MN thread, there's always one saying some rubbish like "well he can just identify as a woman" about the most unrelated things.

In real life I've never had a conversation about trans people, let alone met anyone who kept trying to turn every conversation towards that topic.

(but... aren't I doing it myself now? Oh god, I'm one of them...)

Any male social activity involves sex workers..
Stag do,work night out,lads night. Your man will shag a sex worker
Don’t bother arguing either cause it proves how little you actually know him