Mumsnet Vs Real life.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Inspired by a comment on an active thread at the moment. The comment was along the lines of
"Only on mumsnet would you be advised this"

I've also seen it on a few threads where posters point out that only mumsnet would you be given this advice and never in real life.

So what advice/tips do you see mentioned on Mumsnet that you just don't think would be said in real life.

I'll start!
You can guarantee a poster will give the advice that OP needs to pack his bags and kick him out, on something really minor. They don't suggest being an adult and have a conversation first, it's straight away pack his bags and show him the door.

What other Mumsnet pearls of wisdom do we have?

OP - "I am considering studying for a Law degree."

MN - "You will never become a lawyer. There are 65,000 applicants to one traineeship and even if you do make it, you must be prepared to work 23 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your children will forget what you look like, and you will become a burnt-out husk of the woman you once were. You will die of a heart attack at 47 and your husband will move in with Michelle from down the road, who he has been shagging since the day of your graduation."

RL: "How wonderful! You go for it, luv!"

"Did you mean to sound so rude?" puts people STRAIGHT in their place. The confrontation will immediately end while they go away and reflect on how they wronged you.

I think the thing with special needs is ( and yes I'm the parent of a child with Autism and learning disabilities) if there is a thread about children with autism most people who have children with autism will post on it , irl most of my friends have children with autism and other disabillities but that's not because there is a sudden epidemic in my area just that we have a fairly active special. needs community and tbh it's easier socialising with people that are not going to judge your child's behaviour.That said there is far to much arm chair diagnoses on here .

Regarding wedding invitations...

"It's an invitation, not a summons"

If you dont like a gift you must return it. Because that wouldnt be AT ALL awkward. You MUST ON NO ACCOUNT SELL IT to someone who actually wants it so that it gets used rather than wasted and you still get a treat without hurtinv the gift givers feelings.

How does that conversation even go? "Oh have it back, I dont want it but Im too polite and grateful to sell it discretely so here, take it I dont want it, ta."
NO.BODY.DOES.THAT (not nice normal people anyway)

I need some advice about my DH and his hobby. Can't say what it is as will be outing.

(sorry if it's been done, but didn't have time to read through the entire thread - log it with 101 if it's upset you)

Oh yeah, evening only wedding invites are wrong. So is wanting a kid-free wedding, because all your distant cousins and workmates must bring their hordes of little darlings - and if you suggest they might like a night off from their DC and the chance to have a couple of pints and a shag at the hotel, you are incredibly immature, selfish and neglect your own DC - or, if you don't have DC yet, you will soon learn that parenthood marks the end of adult leisure activity.

DP or DH being a bit of a dick over something? It's abuse and you should LTB.

An invitation to a wedding is a terrible thing, apparently.
If you don't insist on your DC socialising with their bullies your DC is being mean and you are a terrible person.
Someone being a prat? You mustn't have a perfectly reasonable and rational response of irritation, upset or confusion because they could have a disability, SEN or something.
PIL berks? Cut all contact with them or punish them by silence until they learn their lesson (also known as sulking).
Lol at the lawyer thing. Only people who don't work in law will encourage you to go for it.

This thread has made me want to take in other people's ironing (not that I do my own, mind). The same could be said about cleaning. So that's my financial woes sorted, then.

What is a head tilt?

What about childminding as well Athena?

That accessible toilets are only for disabled people never for people with babies/toddlers and babies/toddlers can either be held on your lap with one hand while you pull your trousers down, wee etc or they can be handed to an obliging passer by or just popped on the toilet floor. And that if you're in a meeting of 40 people, of whom 30 are women, and there are only two toilets available, one of which is Accessible, you must queue for the non-accessible one just in case someone with invisible disabilities needs the Accessible one.

This! I once got completely flamed and run out of MN town by daring to say how annoying/inconvenient it was when disabled drivers were parking in the parent and child spaces when there were lots of available disabled spaces in the same area. Still scarred.

All hobbies that would ‘out’ someone turn out to be cycling, the roads are full of bloody cyclists in Lycra so I don’t k ow what makes people in mumsnet think thier husband is the only person in the world to do this hobby and that by saying it’s cycling we are going to say oh this poster must be Pam from across the road

Mine is every couple must absolutely have the exact same amount of 'me' time.
So if OP starts a thread it the standard responses are....
MN - so when do YOU get to do your thing op. Book yourself into a hotel, go shopping all day or just sit bored shitless in a coffee shop..... or of course there is the dreaded spa one

Most people i know just get on with it and don't keep tabs on this sort of thing. On the same subject does anyone book themselves into a hotel for the night for no reason?

Yes to the mooncup obsession! I saw this on the back of a toilet door in the British Library the other day and figured there must have been a Mumsnet convention.

Yes that always makes me smile Brie unless.someones dh has a really obscure hobby such a fire juggling and lives in a very specific "outing " place there dh,s hobby probably isn't that outing I'm sure there are probably several thousand men who like golf between 60 and 80 called Brian

their dh not there dh*

I've got one! People hate Christmas cards and throw them in the recycling bin as soon as they arrive. They hate the sender, the intrusion and the tat!!

Christmas is JUST FOR KIDS
Adults dont like presents and if they do they need to grow up!

OP: What should we call new DD- stuck for names?

Mumsnet 'Juliet is a beautiful name'

Never mind the fact that no ones been called Juliet since the mid 80's.

Agree that only non lawyers would tell you to go for it. Most lawyers are burnt out husks (myself included)

One which really made me was if you and your partner play pranks or playfight together you must be immature and unable to have grown up conversations over a nice glass of Merlot. Those things are mutually exclusive

Another is "My 9 year old wakes every half hour. WIBU to sleep train?"

IRL: holy shit how are you even awake? I feel for you massively

On MN: they are so little, have you tried cosleeping?

Not rtft but has anyone mentioned the advice to pull up the drawbridge when you bring a new baby home? No visitors allowed. No phone calls taken. No flowers received - they create work then die. It's just you, hubby and baby - your own little family and fuck everyone else!!

Anyone who is a bit direct or blunt is 'rude'. Especially makes my teeth itch when they post just the word Rude (with a full stop) in response to any interaction. I know literally no one who speaks like this in real life, one person's rudeness is actually another person's assertiveness, unless you live In Mumsnetland.

Actually I do genuinely know two little Juliets. Sorry, that's a very MN thing to say - but it's true!!

The names thing depends where you live. In London anything goes and you really do hear children called everything from Astrid to Xanthe.

unless.someones dh has a really obscure hobby such a fire juggling