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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend on benefits and holidays

204 replies

Happybunny1994 · 04/03/2018 19:47

Not really a friend but someone I know is on benefits. She got one child with her partner and works part time. On a recent night out she mentioned holidays said that she was planning on going to Mexico this year and maybe spain. she then was moaning that her benefits have been cut and will struggle to pay her rent. She’s been on holiday 3 times last year all paid for buy herself to far flung expensive places. I was slightly drunk and mentioned that if she was able to go on holiday and pay her rent previously maybe she could not go on holiday and use that money to pay her rent. She got all defensive saying that she dosnt use the benefits to pay for her holidays. That she uses her wages to pay for them and did I think she shouldn’t be entitled to holidays. She also buys a lot of nice clothes all the time expensive nights out. I know I shouldn’t of said anything but I spent years not being able to afford a holiday while on minimum wage so maybe a little resentful

OP posts:

RedRedDogsBeg · 04/03/2018 19:48

Which benefits does she claim?

Turnocks34 · 04/03/2018 19:49

Yanbu. Anyone who can't afford rent, should prioritise that over holidays, and expensive clothes, regardless of being on benefits or not.

Catsize · 04/03/2018 19:50

That would annoy me too.

Sarsparella · 04/03/2018 19:51

Yanbu rent & bills come before posh holidays, she sounds like a moron

gingerh4ir · 04/03/2018 19:51

Do you think your friend should not be as to have these holidays or people on benefits in general?

Avasarala · 04/03/2018 19:52

I know I'm going to be attacked for this but It really annoys me when people say "I don't use my benefits to pay for xyz - I use my wages" because, if you've got that much surplus money, you should be using your wages for living costs and shouldn't be getting benefits. Always makes me wonder if they've been honest on their claims forms but regardless, benefits are a safety net for when you hit hard times they are not a way of life. I'd have said something too - especially if I was a bit drunk!

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 04/03/2018 19:52

But she does use benefits to pay for her holidays because without them her wages would have to pay for rent/food/bills

AmazingGrace16 · 04/03/2018 19:56

DH and I earn pretty decent wages.
We both work full time in professions that require 60 hours a week from us both easily.
With mortgage, pension, student loan, tax, bills and childcare we are at our limit. We struggled to afford a £400 holiday cottage last summer. This year we are having an extension done...money that we have been gifted as we can't afford it and we won't be having a holiday.

Maybe we could tighten our belts here or there but yanbu at all. situations like this really wind me up!!

RedRedDogsBeg · 04/03/2018 19:58

I'm wondering what benefits a working couple with a child actually get?

Tax credits, child benefit and maybe small amount of housing benefit?

EenaMinaMoe · 04/03/2018 19:58

I'm confused. If she's earning enough to afford multiple long distance holidays, what benefits does she claim? Presumably not income based. Does she mean child benefit or something?

Sarsparella · 04/03/2018 19:59

Do you think your friend should not be as to have these holidays or people on benefits in general?

People in general should prioritise their rent & essential bills before unnessesary expenses, benefits or no benefits

DalekDalekDalek · 04/03/2018 19:59

It does seem a bit off considering a lot of other people are really struggling on benefits and many disabled people are having their allowances cut right to the bone. If this person has enough to go on holiday three times in a year then that money would be better spent on getting care for a disabled person who is really struggling or on children who are going to school hungry.
I don't begrudge people having holidays, not for a second, but most people who are working can't afford three holidays in a year.

acquiesce · 04/03/2018 20:00

YABU. Unless she owes you money, it’s none of your business what she spends hers on. I hate the whole ‘poor people shouldn’t have nice things’ mentality.
However, benefits or not, it’s just basic common sense to pay housing costs before luxury items.

EmmaJR1 · 04/03/2018 20:02

YANBU! I have a family member who hasn't worked for 17 years, her husband does a minimum wage job yet she can afford USA Disney holidays every 2 years and is going to NY with her sisters at Christmas this year. My husband earns £63k and i Work part time so earn £9k and yet we had to really scrape to afford a week in Europe after mortgage and the rest...

TheFaerieQueene · 04/03/2018 20:03

Avasarala · 04/03/2018 20:04

It's nothing to do with poor people not being allowed nice things.... It's simply that benefits should be given to people who need them for basic needs. Someone going in three long distance holidays a year is not struggling and shouldn't be getting benefits. But she is, and still complaining about not being able to rent. It's irresponsible and it's why so many people choose to live a life on benefits, or keep having kids even though they're already on benefits so can't afford to keep them without getting more money for nothing.

MrsPresley · 04/03/2018 20:04

I'm always amazed that some people claim to know so much about other peoples finances, especially when "they're not really a friend"

expatinscotland · 04/03/2018 20:04

Yeah, this happened.

Springiscoming123 · 04/03/2018 20:04

This year we are having an extension done...money that we have been gifted as we can't afford it and we won't be having a holiday.

Maybe we could tighten our belts here or there but yanbu at all. situations like this really wind me up!!

but its ok for you to have a new extension that is "gifted" some may feel thats not fare and they cant afford an extension and are not lucky enough to be given £££££££££££

SmashedMug · 04/03/2018 20:06

Ah the fictional bountiful benefits. I think we need some sort of stickied thread showing the amount of benefits someone in scenarios like these would actually receive then maybe so many people wouldn't bite on this threads.

LagunaBubbles · 04/03/2018 20:07

Yabu. That is all.

acquiesce · 04/03/2018 20:07

If they are both working I can’t imagine they are getting much in benefits, certainly not enough to fund basic living costs.
Just sounds like poor budgeting. But still, fuck all to do with the OP especially as she is ‘not really a friend’

Tistheseason17 · 04/03/2018 20:09

Whether in receipt of benefits or not, rent or mortgage and bills come first.
Then cut your cloth accordingly for the holiday. Mexico, Spain, UK, hotels, B and Bs or camping or just days out.

Jassmells · 04/03/2018 20:09

Did anyone else read the title as "friends with benefits" and expect a completely different thread 😂

YouCantBeSirius · 04/03/2018 20:10

Ah we've not had a benefit bashing thread in a while.

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