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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend on benefits and holidays

204 replies

Happybunny1994 · 04/03/2018 19:47

Not really a friend but someone I know is on benefits. She got one child with her partner and works part time. On a recent night out she mentioned holidays said that she was planning on going to Mexico this year and maybe spain. she then was moaning that her benefits have been cut and will struggle to pay her rent. She’s been on holiday 3 times last year all paid for buy herself to far flung expensive places. I was slightly drunk and mentioned that if she was able to go on holiday and pay her rent previously maybe she could not go on holiday and use that money to pay her rent. She got all defensive saying that she dosnt use the benefits to pay for her holidays. That she uses her wages to pay for them and did I think she shouldn’t be entitled to holidays. She also buys a lot of nice clothes all the time expensive nights out. I know I shouldn’t of said anything but I spent years not being able to afford a holiday while on minimum wage so maybe a little resentful

OP posts:

Queenoftheblitz · 04/03/2018 20:11

If she is working part time she may still receive jobseekers allowance that is adjusted in line with her wages.p
However I don't see how she can afford that many holidays when JSA is only £73 a week.

Icklepickle101 · 04/03/2018 20:12

I can’t decide. I have a friend who doesn’t work through choice and has openly admitted she won’t work until her child is 5 because life is easier in benefits. She’s having 10 days all inclusive in Mexico while I work my bum off doing 2 jobs and can just about afford a few nights in the new forest. I think jealousy has a part to play but morally I feel better working than choosing to be on benefits.

Jassmells · 04/03/2018 20:12

@Springiscoming123 so what if they have been gifted it? If their family have chosen to help them out that's up to them clearly for a good reason- and not claiming off the state whilst pissing it up the wall on holidays which is what the OP is wound up about.

OP YANBU and if she chooses to divulge this info to be honest she's pretty stupid for not expecting any come back.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/03/2018 20:12

I will bet my bottom dollar she has no savings or pension , or mortgage (but the latter is obviously not within everyone’s means )

So she is basically not very clever as spending her cash now means she has fuck all later . I semi pity people this crap with money

PasstheStarmix · 04/03/2018 20:13

YANBU, Me and dh don’t get benefits and haven’t been on holiday for ages. We chose to buy an expensive house and have a baby and they are our priorities. Holidays are a luxury and keeping a roof over your head is a necessity and that would have annoyed me too OP.

acquiesce · 04/03/2018 20:14

Everyone using the word ‘gifted’ is BU. I don’t understand why, it irrationally pisses me off though.

twattymctwatterson · 04/03/2018 20:15

Oh good, a benefits bashing thread! Tell me op, what benefits does your "friend" who manages 3 foreign holidays per year as well as expensive clothes and nights out actually receive?

notmyredditusername365 · 04/03/2018 20:17

I think people who are unable to work because of disabilities, illnesses or caring for others absolutely definitely should be able to afford to go on holiday. Maybe one two week holiday per year like the average working family?

I also think wages shouldn't have stagnated so much in the last 20 years that people can't live average working/middle class lives without supplementary benefits and tax credits.

I think the gap between the earnings of workers at all levels in society and the chief executives who employ them should not be so disgustingly wide and increasing year on fucking year.

I left my last full time employed job in 2000 when I was expecting my first child. Since then I have been a sahm, worked part time and for the last few years been self employed. If I wanted to go back to a similar job to the one I had 18 years ago, I seriously doubt my new salary be increased at all. Maybe by about £2,000 or £3,000 per year. That is a disgrace.

Anasnake · 04/03/2018 20:18

Goady bollocks

PortiaCastis · 04/03/2018 20:18

Yet another benefits bashing thread

Glumglowworm · 04/03/2018 20:20

The benefits are kind of a red herring.

Anyone who is struggling to afford rent but going on expensive holidays needs to seriously re-evaluate their priorities.

MammaTJ · 04/03/2018 20:22

I would just like to go to her for advice on how to stretch the money! She must actually be paying her rent, as she has not been evicted and then to manage holidays on top, I think is quite amazing and better than I can manage.

Could you ask her for a few tips for me please OP?

MerryShitmas · 04/03/2018 20:22

Bollocks, OP. Sorry to burst your bubble!
If any of this is true she's up to her arse in debt at the very least.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 04/03/2018 20:22

Fucks sakes....nobody on benefits can possibly be funding holidays to Mexico or Disneyland unless they have another undisclosed income. I call bullshit.

Believe me...I've been on benefits and it doesn't remotely stretch to those kinds of luxuries. And I got "extra" benefits because my child is disabled....we still couldn't afford long haul trips anywhere or even short haul.

I've been on benefits in work and out of work...now thankfully free of them and this year going to Italy.

Couldn't have funded that on benefits.

Still, there's nothing like a good benefits bashing thread is there,

If you think it's so fucking great then leave your jobs and sign on for a dose of fucking reality.

Sorry but threads like this really piss me off.

ThisLittleKitty · 04/03/2018 20:24

Did anyone else read the title as "friends with benefits" and expect a completely different thread 😂

I totally did lol

PhelanThePain · 04/03/2018 20:24

Who does this affect other than her? I can’t understand why it would annoy you OP. If she can’t pay her rent that is her problem. She isn’t asking you to help her out whilst she flies off to Mexico. She’s an idiot if she really is going to Mexico while She can’t pay her rent, but I can’t see why that would annoy you.

MycatsaPirate · 04/03/2018 20:24

It's nothing to do with benefits but her prioritising spending in the wrong places.

I had a friend years ago who was a single parent, but still with her partner. He lived there but had his address at his dads house. She claimed as a single parent and got full benefits including housing benefit. They had his wages on top of that and she worked cash in hand 3 nights a week in a takeaway.

They spent money endlessly and always had take aways, nights out, money for days out and holidays. But without fail they didn't have enough money to cover stuff at Xmas and it all got bought on credit.

The bailiffs ended up at theirs taking all the kids Xmas presents back, tvs, games consoles etc.

It didn't matter how much I tried to teach her how to budget and live within her means, she just didn't get it.

Some people don't have a responsible attitude to money at all.

As far as I know this friend (ex friend) still lives like this and I suspect that at some point her world will come crashing down around her ears.

turnipfarmers · 04/03/2018 20:25

She probably has help from a relative, not that it is any of your business.

CrochetBelle · 04/03/2018 20:26

SockMobster · 04/03/2018 20:27

I think YABU.

Whilst I agree she should prioritise rent over holidays, holidays can do people the world of good. She's talking about future plans, they may not come to fruition.

It's up to her how her and partner spend their money.

ilovesooty · 04/03/2018 20:28

So what benefits is this not really a friend claiming and how do you know so much detail about her general expenditure?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 04/03/2018 20:28

Meh, I thought you meant friends with benefits and holidays.

JockTamsonsBairns · 04/03/2018 20:31

So, five holidays over the past two years, lots of nice clothes, and expensive nights out all the time? All on the back of benefits, and a part time job?

Goady bullshit

ExhaustedAndHormonal · 04/03/2018 20:32

A friend of ours claims all sorts of benefits . Disability as has epilepsy and a leg issue ( not sure on the name), . Gets a mobility car etc etc. Wife gets carers and housing etc paid..
Which if they've been deemed in need of that fair enough. However they definitely play the system as, as a general rule walks around long distances with his kids. Up and down slides at the park. Yet when has assessments goes in a wheelchair.

They always moan they have no. Money to decorate their house with a lick of paint..yet they have 2 all inclusive holidays a year plus maybe two or. Three butlin type holidays.. And lots of designer clothes for their kids / teens. They go for a. Meal to pub once a week.. Which I'd imagine Is pricey with twin 18 yr olds, 16, 14&3 yr old.
They always moan that we can't go regularly with them and don't see why we don't always have spare cash 'because we both work' and hat we should be better off..
But unfortunately this isnt the case.. That's life. Sometimes it bothers me and sometimes I think sod it. We have what we have and others have what they have.

ilovesooty · 04/03/2018 20:35

I expect we'll now get loads of anecdotes about the friend of a second cousin twice removed who gets PIP and ESA but goes on ten holidays a year and runs marathons three times a week.

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