Friend on benefits and holidays

[Happybunny1994]

Not really a friend but someone I know is on benefits. She got one child with her partner and works part time. On a recent night out she mentioned holidays said that she was planning on going to Mexico this year and maybe spain. she then was moaning that her benefits have been cut and will struggle to pay her rent. She’s been on holiday 3 times last year all paid for buy herself to far flung expensive places. I was slightly drunk and mentioned that if she was able to go on holiday and pay her rent previously maybe she could not go on holiday and use that money to pay her rent. She got all defensive saying that she dosnt use the benefits to pay for her holidays. That she uses her wages to pay for them and did I think she shouldn’t be entitled to holidays. She also buys a lot of nice clothes all the time expensive nights out. I know I shouldn’t of said anything but I spent years not being able to afford a holiday while on minimum wage so maybe a little resentful

allthegood
If you don't want people to take your post the 'wrong' way I suggest you don't make blanket statements.

As someone who has worked almost her entire adult life in the community/front line/family sector I am constantly amazed at all these people who know other people who are living it up on benefits.
You would think I would know of a ton of them wouldn't you?
What with my actual, real life, experience of people on benefits.

Funny how I can't recall anyone who lives like that.

Do I know people who refuse to act the part of meek and grateful benefit recipients? Yep. A shed load of those.
They keep their homes neat and respectable, they dress their kids well and they get their hair done regularly.
They do this to stop themselves going under.
Some are relatively happy to stay on benefits for a long while. Mostly they are resigned to it.
Never met a single one in 30 years who is laughing at workers and living it up on the tax payers money.

You say I don't know about your personal circumstances. You are right, I don't. Which is why I wouldn't make a blanket statement about how and why you live your life.
One thing you should keep in mind.
Shit can happen to anyone

20 years ago I was earning good money and had a OH who was working three jobs. Our kids were healthy.

I had no idea I would have to give up work to look after a terminally ill child, take in a newborn with SN and become the carer of my husband.

Despite this I still manage to work part time. Do we rely on benefits? Absolutely.

I wouldn't begrudge anyone a holiday, benefits or otherwise, as we all manage
To fit things in somehow - I'd be a bit shocked though at very expensive and far away trips to Mexico if she's Paying for it herself , sounds like she receives too much in the way of benefits that should be ploughed back into society rather than having her go on super expensive holidays

flumpy You sound nice but
you do realise that the woman in the OP is a fantasy don't you?

This thread was started to make people angry.
Long after the context has been forgotten, the memory of Woman on Benefits who goes on three holidays will endure and be repeated as proof that the system is flawed.
The system is flawed but not because it funds imaginary foreign holidays.

I work with people on benefits. I only know one lady that ever manages a holiday to Spain in off season. Paid for by her family.

Rest of them live hand to mouth and can hardly afford heating!

If you started a thread on that Susanne how much attention would it get and from whom?

I would take a guess that the only people wanting to comment are those who 'know' friends of friends who go to Dubai twice a year on a private jet.

I am on benefits long term and I manage to have a decent life with foreign holidays. We get two lots of PIP/DLA in the household as I'm disabled myself (I get enhanced rate PIP, which gives me premiums on top) and my DD is disabled and gets DLA at the higher rate (so we get premiums on our tax credits). I get carer's allowance and income support as well. Plus we have a council house so it means our rent is fully paid with nothing extra to pay (and no bedroom tax as we have the correct number of bedrooms). I get a good level of maintenance for the dcs (and exH pays their school fees and towards holidays), and my parents help out a lot too. My mum doesn't work and helps with the dc, so I've never had to pay for childcare.This is all perfectly above board and I tell the DWP/HMRC about all the maintenance, but as our disabilities aren't obvious, people might just assume we get the basic amounts or don't get any maintenance. I never tell anyone exactly what we receive or how we pay for things, because it's none of their business, but I can see how they might start gossiping. The fact is that nobody knows the circumstances of any family, unless they've actually gone through their bank statements and DWP letters.

I don't think yabu. I have a 'friend' who is a stay at home mum on benefits with both kids in school. Until I recently found a way to make money from home, we struggled. Like pasta and beans on toast and my parents paying for my daughters shoes so we didn't struggle more. It is hard not to feel a bit resentful that my partner works 40 hours a week, and my kids haven't been to Disney land or have a room full to the brim with toys and have a tablet each and a big tv and get loads of clothes and branded shoes and big birthday parties.

Like I said, our situation is much better. My partner got a massive promotion and pay rise and I make good money from home around the children. But when we struggled a lot, it was hard not to feel a bit bitter that she had it so easy. She used to brag about how easy it was for her and how much expendable income she had.

So it sounds bitchy but I agree with you.

YABU.
People should prioritise rent, bills etc over holidays but really it’s absolutely none of your business what this “friend” of yours does!

[santa] 😨 I could do with some sun.

*Ivymaud
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You're right it isn't a good way of thinking. But when you are struggling and still wearing clothes that are way too big and your parents are buying you a food shop once a month, it's easy to resent what other people have.

Like I said, I don't anymore. Because now to other people I'm a stay at home mum who can afford to take my kids on holiday and go out for coffee and have a weekend away, my partner drives a bmw (it's a company car). Things have changed pretty quickly for us, but when things were shit, I was bitter.

Some people see a snapshot of someones life and think that gives them the right to dictate how people should spend there money. OP should just get on with her own life and leave others to theirs.

All you people slagging off people on benefits and knowing a friend of a friend do you ever sit and realise how thick you sound? You keep spewing these ideas and making life hard for people whose lives are already difficult. I'm a student nurse and do 37.5 hours a week on placement and or uni and we get tax credits and child benefit, guess what, we are going on holiday to Spain in June and I think I've bloody well deserved it so you can shove your shitty opinions up your arse! Don't worry, I'll soon be a qualified nurse working full time struggling with no hope of a pay rise anytime soon, I suppose at least I am working then and not a drain on society!

Things have changed pretty quickly for us, but when things were shit, I was bitter.
I'm not bitter. I can't afford to heat my house properly, but I'm not bitter. I haven't had a holiday for a very long time. I'm not bitter. I'm tired and very run down at the moment, but not bitter. Until it comes to claiming benefits. I lost some last year. My money was slashed by half because a bunch of bitter people decided that the right way correct austerity was to punish people with disabilities. That money being slashed meant that heating became difficult; along with other things. You can look at the lives of others and be as bitter as you like but I'll guarantee you don't know the half of it.

Not being funny but does she have any mental health issues? Only asking because these sometimes make it hard for people to make sensible decisions regarding money.

bringingcrazyback She doesn't have any issues, she doesn't actually exist, op hasn't been back...

So your friend well not really your friend a woman you made up know is going to be sipping cocktails cackiling at the hard working people who can't afford a holiday because they are paying all bills. Rightyoh

know I'm going to be attacked for this but It really annoys me when people say "I don't use my benefits to pay for xyz - I use my wages" because, if you've got that much surplus money, you should be using your wages for living costs and shouldn't be getting benefits. Always makes me wonder if they've been honest on their claims forms but regardless, benefits are a safety net for when you hit hard times they are not a way of life. I'd have said something too - especially if I was a bit drunk!
d*
oes seem a bit off considering a lot of other people are really struggling on benefits and many disabled people are having their allowances cut right to the bone. If this person has enough to go on holiday three times in a year then that money would be better spent on getting care for a disabled person who is really struggling or on children who are going to school hungry.
I don't begrudge people having holidays, not for a second, but most people who are working can't afford three holidays in a year.*
*

These^ and its not benefit bashing at all. Its not fair, thats what it is, we are on benefits after becoming severley disabled, I used to work FT and paid NI and tax and everything. and still couldnt afford nice things.

even less now.

I am terribly sorry for feeling crap about things when my life was crap. Well done you for being eternally positive. Like you say, we don't know the half of what other people are going through. I have said it was wrong of me to feel bitter towards her money. Doesn't mean I didn't feel it. Things were really shit and I was resentful that I was still wearing clothes that were far too big for me and very worn, while she was showing me all the wonderful clothes she had ordered for herself and children. Not once did I think it was her fault. Not once did I say anything other than 'that looks nice' and 'have a nice holiday'. But I'm still allowed to feel crap about a crap situation.

Jealousy is an ugly emotion. It didn't feel nice to be jealous. But life was pretty damn shit last year so the majority of my emotions were ugly.

I'm not bitter. I can't afford to heat my house properly, but I'm not bitter. I haven't had a holiday for a very long time. I'm not bitter. I'm tired and very run down at the moment, but not bitter. Until it comes to claiming benefits. I lost some last year. My money was slashed by half because a bunch of bitter people decided that the right way correct austerity was to punish people with disabilities. That money being slashed meant that heating became difficult; along with other things. You can look at the lives of others and be as bitter as you like but I'll guarantee you don't know the half of it.

this ^^

Maybe she works extra hours to pay for her holidays?

jassmells Yes!

Anyone I know on benefits like tax credits, who goes on holiday, has family paying for it. My parents paid for my brother and their kids to go on a holiday because my parents thought it was important for the kids. The holiday was actually a last minute bargain, and not expensive. Some neighbours reported them as benefit cheats.
And this made up friend has not said she will not pay her rent. She has supposedly said she will struggle to pay it.

Absolutely hate people complaining because they are paying large mortgages and into large pensions. That is a choice, a choice many people don't have. Many of us are trying to do the best we can for our kids in the here and now. And paying the bills and giving our kids some good times are the priority.

If she worked extra hours to pay for her holiday her beniffits would be cut. HB has a cut off point of £6000? Then they reduce it, so technically if you have more than £6000 you can afford to pay your own rent which is true, why should someone have that kind of money but allow others to pay for them to live? If I want to save for a car or a holiday then I could technically afford to pay my rent.

We don’t know exactly what she is claiming, she might only be getting tax credits (working tax, child tax?) which many of us claim?