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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece(15) is saying my DS is Trans!?

497 replies

upsideup · 04/03/2018 11:25

My 15 year old niece added me on facebook this morning, she doesnt live in the UK and is comming to stay with us in a few weeks and as I havent seen her for almost a year I had a quick look down her facebook page just to see what she looked like now and what she was up to and about 2 weeks ago she posted a short video on trans children which I havnt actually watched because I was too annoyed by the comment she had posted with is basically saying:
'Aww my cousin is transgender (MTF) and she is the most beautiful, loved and accepted little girl, she's lucky that she has such a good family around her but not all children are so lucky, so many transgender children are ignored and not listened to and so are not able to be who they truly are.... I will fight anyone who tries to suggest that my cousin is anything less than a girl. It was much longer than that but thats the general message and the most relevant things. There's almost 20 comments from her friends saying how lucky she (my son) is to have an amazing accepting cousin like her and how great it is that she(my son) is able to be herself (himself).

Now we have had the 'is he trans?' 'are you sure he isnt trans?' comments from family members before but have always just said no, hes fine, we have dealt with it, he just likes pink, he just wants long hair etc and thought that had been accepted and dropped. Hes not transgender, hes a 4 year boy that has blond shoulder length hair who likes wearing anything sparkly or glittery and playing makeup/dolls/dressing up with his big sisters. We have also added an 'y' to the end of his name because he wanted to but this doesnt even make it a 'girls' name it just makes it a cuter nickname for his boys name and he was the only one out of his siblings whose name didnt end it 'y' anyway but shes used this to imply we are letting him live as a girl.

I am furious that she thinks she can talk about my son publicly online like this without my permission and that what she is saying is all lies, I dont know whether its just cool to have a transgender family member and it just gives you attention and makes you popular around your friends or what.

WIBU to comment on the post saying actually he is a boy and I dont know why you would need to lie about him? Or am I going to have to be an adult and either ignore this or try and deal with it privately throught her parents? Either way If she comes and stays I am not having her call my son things that he doesnt actually want to be called.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 04/03/2018 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 04/03/2018 22:39

Dadtrying’s post began badly but his link is to a study arguing that its findings support theories that some preferences/behaviours might be innate.
It’s an arguable position but no more than that and no-one knows the complete answer.
It seems a lot safer to accept children for who they are rather than telling them things that suggest they are in the wrong body. I’m not saying you would argue otherwise dadtrying

DadTryingHisBest28 · 04/03/2018 22:39

@greenbeansqueen en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eggshell_skull

SimonBridges · 04/03/2018 22:39

I’ve got a gcse in home economics and I think you should ask your son how many days he could feed a family of four on a single chicken.

SmileyBird · 04/03/2018 22:40
Grin
SimonBridges · 04/03/2018 22:42

Well there you go, I’ve learned something new.
Still don’t understand how ‘egg shell skull brigade’ is relevant to this thread though.

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 04/03/2018 22:42

Ah, sorry, MajesticWhine said it much better....

Stormwhale · 04/03/2018 22:43

@Italiangreyhound don't worry, no offense taken at all. My only point was that I hoped op didn't have a stressful time due to a fallout over this. It's never nice to fall out with family.

titchy · 04/03/2018 22:43

According to dads post 10 mons ago!

JonnaSilvie · 04/03/2018 22:44

I'm gonna be the dick who goes ahead and says I have difficulty accepting any enlightened, scientific knowledge from a person who not only misunderstands the definitions of "gender" and "biological sex", but also doesn't know the difference between there/their/they're.

FrancisCrawford · 04/03/2018 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 04/03/2018 22:45

@Stormwhale thank you, it is a hot topic isn't it. Smile

OP how are you feeling. I hope this thread has been helpful.

SimonBridges · 04/03/2018 22:46

But will you help mummy if she identifies as a man?

Italiangreyhound · 04/03/2018 22:46

Just tried finding that interview between Kirsty Walk and Germain Greer on Newsnight, and two times found it with Greer's words muted out!

titchy · 04/03/2018 22:47

Oh I get it. You're inferring that we, women and mothers, are the egg-shell brigade yes?

That we are frail but that's not a reason not to argue with us in full. That must be what you meant cos that comment wouldn't make sense otherwise.

greenbeansqueen · 04/03/2018 22:50

Brilliant! Cheers dadtryinghisbest28 - I know the theory. Plus it doesn’t get much more trustworthy than the peer reviewed Wikipedia. Amiright??? I’m going to chuck in some not that relevant other ‘science’ cliches and see if that helps.

FrancisCrawford · 04/03/2018 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 04/03/2018 22:52

Pray tell. What science degree?

It seems to be a myth that pps here don't have science degrees, let alone PhDs. But it's a whole other thread.

Some of us even have biology degrees and know enough science to understand what are confounding factors and bias in studies.

Sorry mansplaining is another made up term to scilence opposing arguments because they come from men, Miss me with your misanthropy please.

No, mansplaining is when a man with less knowledge tries to explain to women (often wrongly) about their own area of expertise.

So, are you an engineer, and do you have anything above a Master Degree? Wink

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 04/03/2018 22:54

Can we just take it that dadtrying was attempting to point out that lots of people think there is a degree of innate-ness to gendered behaviour? But that this doesn’t change the OP’s strategy today?

Hopefully he will think twice before using “sorry but” and “as someone with a science degree” on mumsnet again.

tabulahrasa · 04/03/2018 22:54

“I think I might find people who would argue names should be gender-neutral, and would be inclined to call a child something like 'Chrissy' and insist it isn't a 'girls' name.“

I’ve known two Chrissys ever, both totally gender conforming Christophers...

So to me that’s a man’s name.

greenbeansqueen · 04/03/2018 22:58

Just as a funny slight side note, anyone remember when some ‘science’ bloke sitting at home in his underpants tried to mansplain physics to an astronaut, when she was in, like, actual space?? Still gives me hope for ‘’internet
www.revelist.com/science/mansplainer-gets-dragged-astronaut/4699

greenbeansqueen · 04/03/2018 22:59

Shout out to you
DadTryingHisBest28 !!!

Jassmells · 04/03/2018 23:02

I hope the (niece's) parents are sensible about this. Fingers crossed.

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 04/03/2018 23:03

Am annoyed with myself for missing the mansplaining bit now.

FrancisCrawford · 04/03/2018 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.