Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece(15) is saying my DS is Trans!?

497 replies

upsideup · 04/03/2018 11:25

My 15 year old niece added me on facebook this morning, she doesnt live in the UK and is comming to stay with us in a few weeks and as I havent seen her for almost a year I had a quick look down her facebook page just to see what she looked like now and what she was up to and about 2 weeks ago she posted a short video on trans children which I havnt actually watched because I was too annoyed by the comment she had posted with is basically saying:
'Aww my cousin is transgender (MTF) and she is the most beautiful, loved and accepted little girl, she's lucky that she has such a good family around her but not all children are so lucky, so many transgender children are ignored and not listened to and so are not able to be who they truly are.... I will fight anyone who tries to suggest that my cousin is anything less than a girl. It was much longer than that but thats the general message and the most relevant things. There's almost 20 comments from her friends saying how lucky she (my son) is to have an amazing accepting cousin like her and how great it is that she(my son) is able to be herself (himself).

Now we have had the 'is he trans?' 'are you sure he isnt trans?' comments from family members before but have always just said no, hes fine, we have dealt with it, he just likes pink, he just wants long hair etc and thought that had been accepted and dropped. Hes not transgender, hes a 4 year boy that has blond shoulder length hair who likes wearing anything sparkly or glittery and playing makeup/dolls/dressing up with his big sisters. We have also added an 'y' to the end of his name because he wanted to but this doesnt even make it a 'girls' name it just makes it a cuter nickname for his boys name and he was the only one out of his siblings whose name didnt end it 'y' anyway but shes used this to imply we are letting him live as a girl.

I am furious that she thinks she can talk about my son publicly online like this without my permission and that what she is saying is all lies, I dont know whether its just cool to have a transgender family member and it just gives you attention and makes you popular around your friends or what.

WIBU to comment on the post saying actually he is a boy and I dont know why you would need to lie about him? Or am I going to have to be an adult and either ignore this or try and deal with it privately throught her parents? Either way If she comes and stays I am not having her call my son things that he doesnt actually want to be called.

OP posts:
SomeKnobend · 04/03/2018 20:40

You were very kind to send an email. I'd have posted on the thread pointing out the stupidity of insisting he was trans or a girl just because he likes pink and long hair. How insulting to insinuate he is anything other than a boy who feels confident enough to say what he likes rather than what tends to be encouraged for him!

JamPasty · 04/03/2018 21:02

Glad they have taken the post down!

And @TheRagingGirl - your post should be stuck at the top of Mumsnet to remind everyone what feminism and gender actually are! Star

Sevendown · 04/03/2018 21:26

Tell her to remove it ASAP.

ButteredScone · 04/03/2018 21:45

You were right to do it by email - my god, I would have struggled not to post on FB.

Italiangreyhound · 04/03/2018 21:49

Pengggwn, you can post what you want. "The rest of the world doesn't have to think it's well-judged".

You seem to be suggesting that adding a y to a name is a big deal, it's not.

Italiangreyhound · 04/03/2018 21:52

Stormwhale why do you "...hope for your sake this doesn't cause a rift in the family"?

I mean, I too would hope there is no rift and I agree with you that "They may not react in the way you expect." But ultimately out first responsibility is to our kids not our siblings, their parter or kids.

Helmetbymidnight · 04/03/2018 21:53

Loads of the little boys at ds school add a y to each other's names.
There's Lenny, Joshy, olly, jacky, stevie, johnny, ruby, jakey...
Hmm
I wonder what it means...trans or gay definitely.

noeffingidea · 04/03/2018 21:53

the rest of the world doesn't have to think it's well judged
Lolling at Pengggwn suggesting they speak for the rest of the world.

DadTryingHisBest28 · 04/03/2018 21:59

No OP you WNBU there's a name for what your niece is doing and it's called virtue signalling. The issue is that extreme leftism has moved so far into the mainstream than just saying it's one for men to think their women and vice versa kids feel that they have to somehow identify with a victim category to prove their worth, your niece is doing this by extension. Regardless of all this, how confusing must this be for your son ? To be told he is trans, I would assume ironically this would create some gender confusion and you are quite right it's none of her business to make a public video declaring your son trans especially as he is 4yo.

DadTryingHisBest28 · 04/03/2018 22:03

@TheRagingGirl sorry to point this out but as someone with a science degree I must say that gender is not a social construct. Their are of course social construct that we have created around gender but the fact of the matter proven by many studies are that their is a sizeable difference between males and females as a whole.

DullAndOld · 04/03/2018 22:04

oh dear my son has kept the -y shortening of his name and he is 19. Might he be gay?

CapnHaddock · 04/03/2018 22:06

You mean sex @DadTryingHisBest28. Sex is the biological difference between males and females. Gender is the socially constructed set of behaviours ascribed to people according to their sex

TheRagingGirl · 04/03/2018 22:08

@DadTryingHisBest28 - I see your science degree and raise you a PhD.

I think you're confusing sex (biological) and gender (social construct).

I suggest you stop mansplaining: it's not a good look.

Italiangreyhound · 04/03/2018 22:10

OP "The facebook post has been deleted!" Great. Your post at 15:30 is brilliant by the way. You and dh sound like great parents.

@Stormwhale my post sounded like I was criticising you (I think it may come across that way, sorry). I think with gender non conforming or gender fluid people I'm wider family, and friends wider family, I am just a bit sensitive!

And @TheRagingGirl yes I agree gender is shit. And gender non-conforming should be encouraged.

I guess one way of explaining it, especially to teens, is about protection for individuals. In this context I was meaning it should protected, as in not be mislabeled as trans. If I say to teens "gender is made up/not real" I feel it is not believed! But speaking of gender non conforming seems to make more sense to people so enmeshed on all this.

titchy · 04/03/2018 22:11

as someone with a science degree I must say that gender is not a social construct.

As anyone with KS2 biology knowledge will tell you you're wrong. Gender by definition is a social construct. Sex is the biological difference. FGS if people with science degrees get that wrong is it any wonder it's been so easy for the TRAs to gain power.

MajesticWhine · 04/03/2018 22:15

Whether boys should or should not wear their hair long, or like pink, sparkles and dressing up, is not a matter for science @dadtryinghisbest

DadTryingHisBest28 · 04/03/2018 22:17

Ok what's your PHD ?

Sorry mansplaining is another made up term to scilence opposing arguments because they come from men, Miss me with your misanthropy please. Also how did you know I'm a man can women not be dads now ?

No I'm aware of the two, and gender is not a social construct, by far and large there are personality differences between males and females, this is shown as in the study by John A Barry of UCL - onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/icd.1986/abstract

(I can provide more if you wish)

prettybird · 04/03/2018 22:17

There must be an awful lot of trans "boys" at ds' rugby club: most of them have nicknames that are shortenings of their names with a "y" added. Think "Cameron" => "Cammy", "Daniel" => "Danny, "Matthew" => "Matty", "Fergus" => "Fergie"

I think most all of them would be shocked to find out that they were suppressing their true sexuality Confused

SimonBridges · 04/03/2018 22:18

Hush now ladies. A man is here to tell us we are all wrong. And he has a science degree (which he needs a refund for).

DullAndOld · 04/03/2018 22:18

" sorry to point this out but as someone with a science degree I must say that gender is not a social construct. "

oh look a man with a science degree has come to explain shizz to us

SimonBridges · 04/03/2018 22:19

Yes there are personality differences between men and women. But wearing pink is not a personality trait.

DadTryingHisBest28 · 04/03/2018 22:20

@majesticwhine I completely agree with you, the differences in genders are as whole not looking at individual people. I fully agree with if males and females want to act differently they should be allowed to do so.

DullAndOld · 04/03/2018 22:20

it's not 'gender' it's 'sex'.

DadTryingHisBest28 · 04/03/2018 22:21

@SimonBridges men are allowed to disagree with women and vice versa you are aware of this right ?

CapnHaddock · 04/03/2018 22:22

Oh look! A man. A man has come to bestow his special manly sealioning on the thread.

Sorry @upsidedown. Your thread about your child has been fucked up because some pathetic blokes have pissed all over it like dogs.

Swipe left for the next trending thread